Did Son's Special Needs Lead to Wrestler's Murder/Suicide?
I don't follow wrestling news. In fact, you could probably say I go out of my way not to follow it. So I was late catching up to the story of Chris Benoit, the WWE wrestler who apparently killed himself, his wife and his 7-year-old son earlier this week. What directed my attention to it was a post on the Parenting Children With Special Needs Blog indicating that Benoit's son had Fragile X Syndrome, and that the stress of special-needs parenting may have been behind the crime -- not "roid rage" due to steroid use, as some had suggested.
It may take time to fathom the reasons behind this desperate act, and we may never really know what drove Benoit to wipe out his family. But one thing that's pretty much for sure is that there will be a lot of misinformation spread about this disability. The story is so much more interesting if Fragile X is depicted as something rare, unfathomable, devastating, heartbreaking, the kind of thing that would drive a parent to prefer death for a child than continued life.
But it's not so rare, really, or so unimaginable. According to the Fragile X Research Foundation (FRAXA), Fragile X is "the most common inherited cause of mental impairment and the most common known cause of autism. Fragile X affects 1 in 4000 males and 1 in 6000 females of all races and ethnic groups." Though the genetic condition, involving a mutation on the X chromosome, is more commonly seen in boys, girls can also be affected by Fragile X, and both males and females can be carriers of the gene.
FRAXA and The National Fragile X Foundation are good places to start for accurate information on the disorder, and there are many more sites to see in our list of Fragile X resources. These organizations also offer support and understanding for families caring for a child with Fragile X, something the Benoits may have needed and not sought.
And why not? Why not? This is what I never understand about these stories. There has to be another answer besides killing your child, no matter how stressful your situation, no matter how hopeless you feel. There has to be another way to live other than despair and helplessness and rage. There are resources, and sympathetic ears, and useful strategies. What can be done to make sure that people who need them get them?
And, as this story makes its media rounds, how do we let the general public know that as stressful as our parenting experience can be, and as much as we would appreciate help and understanding and the cutting of a little slack now and then, thank you very much, for most parents of children with disabilities, special-needs parenting is not a motive for murder? I worry that stories like this may give desperate parents a subtle go-ahead, and the rest of us that extra look of "I know your life's hell!" pity when we go out in the world with our kids.
Have you ever had an impulse to put your child, yourself, and your family out of your misery? Do you have a special understanding for those who do? Or do you feel it's indicative of problems deeper than a child's disability? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Photo of Chris Benoit by Peter Kramer/Getty Images
I think it’s one of many speculations as to why this happened, and the one who knows the answer killed himself. I am sure there was a lot of factors in this, not just one.
and no, I have never thought about taking a life ever in my life. murder is no answer at all.
I am 35 and have been “happily” married for 17 years. I quote this because I never knew what happieness really was til just recently. We have a special needs daughter -Cerebral paulsey (9 years old) – along with three other wonderfully “normal” boys whatever that means- 14, 5, 4 months -the latter two of whom were unplanned by me but gratefully planned by God – We have survived many things, but the most upsetting has been my brother in law taking his life by suicide -along with murdering his wife- my husbands sister- and our nephew- their 17 year old son. I never imagined it happening and still am shocked as it never leaves my mind too long. One reason I never stop thinking about it is that I also had those thoughts after he did it. I thought maybe he had found an answer to the misery we all have to face everyday. This was 3 years ago. Gratefully – he did not leave a reason why – so I had to find my own answers and in the search it lead me to return to a relationship with God. For two years, the trials have been coming but He keeps me from the pain and misery and heartaches I once suffered. We have just recovered from a house fire and I can still say He is the only one who can clean up your life – spritual, physical, mental- everything. If you have a problem, HE is the answer. I urge you to find a good bible based church to attend and reach out to whomever you can. You are not alone. Everyone suffers – tests are a part of life, it is how you face those tests that counts.
We have a son with Autism. We love him dearly. Our greatest stressors have been dealing with insurance and even at times, the doctors, when we started with the eating aversions. It can be daunting to deal with these kinds of things. We have felt tired, misunderstood and uncared for at times, but never desperate. I think the child’s condition was a mere part of a number of issues. I can say with certainty thougn, that if you look hard enough, there is someone who is walking down the same road, and sharing that road with others lessens the chaos and gives perspective and hope.