Riding the Coattails of Autism Awareness

Yesterday, my son passed for autistic.

It was during our endless snack-bar-line wait, when my son struck up a conversation with the mother and child standing behind us. Maybe the mom had noticed that he was jumping a lot and flapping a little while waiting, or maybe there was something about the way he instantly announced her son's birth year upon hearing his age, or maybe his vocal patterns just seemed odd.

But shortly after they'd started talking, she asked him, very pleasantly, "Are you autistic?" And he said, "Yeah."

Normally, this is where I jump in and explain that while he has many autistic behaviors, his diagnosis is actually Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. And then, having mentioned FASD, I usually find a way to work his adoption and early years in a Russian orphanage into the conversation, in an awkward attempt to make it clear that I wasn't the one drinking during pregnancy. Sometimes, I skip all that to-do and just say he has a neurological disorder similar to autism.

This time, though, I kept my mouth shut. After all, she'd asked him, not me. He doesn't know from autism, but he's polite, and will make a good guess at a question you ask him. The woman clearly had no negative feelings about autistic kids, and it seemed to make her more willing to engage him in conversation and tolerate his interest in her keychain. After I jokingly referred to his ability to identify the type of car a car key goes to as a splinter skill, she asked if he was a savant, and that I did disavow. Later, she mentioned that her nephew is autistic, and we talked a little about schools and abilities. It was a very upbeat interlude in a very downbeat line-wait.

The whole thing makes me wonder how often people assume that my guy is on the autism spectrum. Adults in general are very kind to him, and willing to follow him on his odd conversational paths, and offer up their keys for examination. There is an oddness to him that seems to make people gentler. Earlier in his life, most people assumed he had ADHD, and were not so gentle. Now, though, he may be benefiting from the rising awareness of autism, and I may be benefiting from it, too, in the sympathetic looks people send to assure me that they don't mind having their keyrings worked over.

This is not to say that there aren't people who still glare at him, or who have negative impressions about autism. Just that there are an increasing number of people who feel they know a little bit about autistic kids, because they have one in the family, or their friends do, or they saw a show on TV, and they're predisposed to be tolerant and friendly and interested. And you know, maybe I'll just let them be.

Have you ever let people assume your child has a diagnosis he or she doesn't have, just for ease of understanding? Does your child know his or her own diagnosis well enough to claim it in conversation? Share your experiences in the comments.