There's More Than One Way to Communicate With Your Kid

My daughter got a MacBook laptop for her eighteenth birthday, and we've been having all sorts of fun with it.

I have our two computers linked together on an Airport Extreme network, so that we can share a printer and an internet connection, and also so that I can bring her screen up on my screen -- if she needs help with something or, you know, I want to spy.

I got the iChat program going so that she could use it to summon me, instead of bellowing from her room like usual. But it's actually turned into a nice little way to keep in touch. For one thing, it gives her incentive to gain some typing skills (Dance Mat Typing from the BBC is her current typing tutor of choice); it also gives her incentive to want to talk with me, because it's fun to use the chat program.

So I'll be working, and a little bubble will come up asking, "Whatcha doing?" Or "What's for dinner?" She was listening to a song yesterday and thought of something her aunt told her about it and sent me a chat message. I've taught her to use emoticons. And when I sneak on her screen and watch her typing her messages to me, I can see that she's thinking about spelling and grammar, too, deleting and retyping to get things right before sending.

None of this is meant to replace face-to-face talking; we still do plenty of that. But this kind of informal computer-based chat is stealthily strengthening some skills for her, and our emotional connection as well. If you've got a set-up that will support it, and especially if you don't think your child is yet ready for the rough-and-tumble world of chatting or IM-ing with friends, try doing some just the two of you.

And use the heart emoticon <3 a lot.