As Long As You're Kicking Autistic Kids Out of Church ...
A court has upheld a Minnesota church's restraining order to keep an autistic teen out of church. His mom will keep fighting it, and those who care about people with disabilities will keep agonizing over it, but let's face facts -- you don't have to read too many comments on news stories about this case to see that public opinion is not running toward accommodating those with behavioral differences, whatever their cause. (In churches, or in airplanes either.)
So let's think about what this idea of a minimum level of acceptable comportment for church admission means. I can't deny, I'd personally have a much more peaceful religious experience if I left my son home every Sunday. My husband and I have been making a huge effort to bring him and rein him in out of a belief that community was an important part of Christian faith, and that taking Communion alone in the church basement or your living room was not an allowable substitute. But okay. You want to say that folks with disruptive and discomfiting behaviors can't pew-sit? Makes my morning easier.
But you know, as long as we're waiving that "see God in the face of others" thing and lifting the restraining order on throwing stones, there are plenty more disruptive influences we can vote out of the sanctuary.
If you're going to eliminate children with special needs, for example, you might as well go ahead and eliminate all children. "Let the children come unto me?" Whatever for? They cry, and they squirm, and they eat crackers that leave crumbs and attract vermin, and they whisper things to their parents, and even if those moms and dads remove them when they become unruly, they step on my toes when they're squeezing out of the pews and impair my ability to worship in safety and solemnity. Bar them at once. Their parents can come alone if they like, but if there's a tiny tag-along? They're out of there, I don't care if it's Mother's Day.
People with cell phones? You get one warning, and then a restraining order. We cannot have unsanctioned noise in the sanctuary, especially if it's one of those stupid secular tunes that people call ringtones these days.
Speaking of decorum, whatever happened to dressing up for church? You people attired like you're going to a baseball game, in your team T-shirts and short shorts and tube tops and flip-flops, you can just flip-flop right back out the door. Your outfits glorify all that is crass and unacceptable in society; the women's outfits often provide a prurient distraction to men and boys in the congregation; and frankly, your bare legs on the wood pews leave sweat marks. It may not be as bad as those special-needs kids spitting and wetting themselves, but it's still unhygienic and therefore a threat to my peace of mind.
You ushers, chatting it up in the back of the room! Restrain yourselves.
I remember one Christmas eve, an elderly gentleman had an attack of some sort during Mass and they had to bring the paramedics in and haul him out. It caused a commotion, upset nearby congregants, and completely ruined the sanctity of the evening. Perhaps old folks ought all to be shut-ins. By force of law, if need be.
People with colds, are you kidding me? Coming with your sneezing and your coughing and your tissues? The church is no place for sick people. Perhaps some health professionals could be recruited to do a quick medical check-up on those entering to make sure that contagion and wayward fluids do not enter our midst. Nothing personal -- just a responsible public health measure.
Once you start thinking, really thinking about behavior that is disruptive and threatening, and applying that standard without the bother of compassion, there's all sorts of menaces you can contain. People who drive like nuts in the parking lot. Congregants who come in late and noisily stomp over responsible early arrivers. Clergy who, if you read the papers, are all potential child abusers. Worshipers whose singing pains the ears of others. Wheelchair users who block the aisles. Tall people who block my view.
When you've eliminated all those nuisances, and are finally able to listen to the Gospel in glorious peace, you'll probably have to admit that this Jesus fellow was pretty disruptive and threatening, too. Really, turning over tables in the entry of the sanctuary, sending money flying? Nobody wants to see that sort of behavior. People like that should just stay home from church. And if that means their Father stays home, too, then so be it.
Read more: Special Needs News | Worshiping With a Special-Needs Child | Book Review: Including People With Disabilities in Faith Communities
Photo by Terri Mauro
Amen, Sister!
I can remember nearly killing my 3 1/2 year old typical child for incessantly dropping pennies during a baptism. Dealing with Walker wasn’t a whole lot different, although I’m sure that autism presents more challenges than Down Syndrome. I’m forwarding your piece to all my church folk, and hopefully some of them will see the wisdom in it.
As Walker got older, we had no place to put him during the Sunday School hour, and our requests for suggestions for a safe place where he could just listen to his earphones were ignored. We were lucky enough to have some very inclusive staff for a period of time and they integrated him into a high school class very successfully. The only problem is that those kids come and go every year and he doesn’t.
Keep up this fight. It’s worth it.
Thanks, Janie. I think church folk have a lot of work to do to figure this stuff out. When you get to the point where comfort and safety are your guiding principals in forming your faith community, I think something pretty important has been lost.
I’m feeling honestly discouraged and bewildered by this story of a church getting a restraining order … and by our own church experience, which has been more one of benign neglect, but hurtful nonetheless.
Thanks for telling it it is .I think this church and the members have forgotten the values, of compassion, love for all.It is so Sad to hear how they have treated this child and family. I was always taught you are not supposed to judge people…maybe they need to read their bibles again.My grandmother was a poor lady, I rememberas a child she quit going to church because people at the church did not like her clothing.And made fun of her.To me a christaian shouldnt be judge and jury…it sounds like they are doing so.Shame on them.
We quit going to church about 11 months ago because my son was always getting in trouble or reprimanded. He didn’t want to go and the the fight finally got the best of me. We are still a Christian family and he goes to Christian Private school, but I hate that every Saturday night he tells me he wants to go to church and when we wake up Sunday morning he begs not to go. I know I should be stronger but I don’t want him to grow up hating church. He is special, but he doesn’t look different than the other kids, so the teachers just assume that he is a behavior problem. I have tried to explain his special needs, but it doesn’t seem to change his treatment. I don’t want to send my child where he is “mistreated” or where he disrupts the entire kids’ service or class. That just draws more negative attention to him. It kills me when the little kids come up to me after service or class and tell me what he did this time. My son is not allowed to “tattle” and that is what I tell them. I also tell their parents, but I’m sure this doesn’t help the situation when the kids tell their parents what my son did this time!
I teach Sunday School at a Unitarian Universalist church and there are two children with Asberger’s in my class. Yes, it is challenging, but it is also a learning experience, both for the students and myself. Watching the kids cheer each other on and celebrating each other’s accomplishments is a beautiful thing to see (especially among teens!) and reinforces the values that we are trying to teach them.
AMEN! But then, you are preaching to the choir on this one. I have had my own struggles with my boys in church. And like many other parents who have children with SN, we have encountered our own discrimination and rude stares. I remove my boys when they are disruptive; but they are still part of the congregation. Jesus didn’t pick the best, most behaved, beautiful people for a reason. As one dear old priest said to me years ago when I tried to explain my son,”…God sent him (my son) that way…who am I to question God? Just keep bringing him to church.” THAT priest has certainly earned his passage through the pearly gates for such an attitude. By the way, I loved the response to kicking out all the disruptive people from church. At least my son’s behavior has a reason; what about those snotty, rude kids who just are that way all the time? How come my sons are more of a disruption even though they want to attend than the kid who looks like he would rather undergo a root canal without novicaine than be in church?
This isn’t just about intolerance or discrimination. It should be about plain old common sense. If a person is so sick they need to carry tissues for a runny nose…maybe they should skip church that day…No one should ever feel the need to get a restraining order to keep “snotty” people out of church. It also makes sense to offer separate services for younger kids who shouldn’t be expected to sit through a longer service geared toward grown-ups.
The church in Minn. made more than one suggestion to accomodate the Race family and nothing was working. If they insist on taking their son to a church, they should keep looking to find one where they feel welcome, or start their own, not force the issue in an environment of intolerance.
I would never consider taking my son with autism to a church service or a movie theater. I don’t see what purpose it serves. There are so many other ways we can be a part of our community. We go to school and family functions, parks, camping, etc..
Spirituality is so much more than sitting in a certain church. Didn’t Jesus say, …”the Kingdom is within you and it is outside of you.” “Split wood, I am there. Lift up a rock, you will find me there.” ….”the Kingdom of the Father is already spread out on the earth, and people aren’t aware of it.”
In my opinion, the church was wrong and the family was wrong to take things so far. It seems that they all forgot about the “do unto others as you would have done unto you” rule.
Sharon, “By the way, I loved the response to kicking out all the disruptive people from church. At least my son’s behavior has a reason; what about those snotty, rude kids who just are that way all the time? How come my sons are more of a disruption even though they want to attend than the kid who looks like he would rather undergo a root canal without novicaine than be in church?” That attitude is as bad as everyone else your putting blame on. This is a very sensitive subject that is rapidly becoming a problem among churches. I’m a children’s pastor at a church of 7,000 and we serve over 1,000 kids on every Sunday. I understand the churches grief in the situation, when I have 200 kids in one room and a special needs child is running around and disrupting the service for the other kids/ well it’s 200 families against 1. In this case the majority must be more important. However, to turn away ANYONE from the church is un-Biblical and wrong. Our church policy is that we will not accept a special needs child until either the family has found someone who will sit with the child or the church has found someone. (We of course have seperate programming for kids on Sunday). The bottom line is the kids are important, but we can’t allow them to ruin the service for everyone else. Also, our church trys not to allow anyone under the age of 16 into the main service, do to some of the topics discussed.