Keeping Kids Safe in School Is Everybody's Responsibility
I was recently interviewed for an article about peanut-butter bans, based on the fact that a couple of posts I wrote got a huge comment response, much of it fervently anti-ban and some of it disturbingly anti-allergic-kid and -family. Comments are still coming in on the second of those posts, more now probably from people finding this site from the article. I continue to be surprised and saddened by the vehemence of people who believe that their child's right to eat whatever they want whenever they want supersedes the right of another child to a free and appropriate public education, or maybe even life.
Clearly, peanut-butter bans hit a nerve. For some parents, taking peanut-butter off the menu leaves precious little that their child can eat at school, and I think they do have a valid concern. Other parents just seem to be ticked off by the very idea of being told what to put in that lunch bag, and I worry about the kind of message they're sending their kids. We make a big deal these days about bullying being wrong, we spend money and time instituting anti-bullying programs in our schools, and then we have parents joking that they'd have their kid spike an allergic kids' lunch with peanuts, or smear peanut butter on school walls, or force kids with allergies to eat peanuts. Bullying, as with so many things, begins at home.
I'll accept that peanut bans may be impractical because they anger too many people, and because they give kids an unrealistic sense of security, and because there are children who would legitimately find the change of menu a hardship. But there's got to be some way to institute a program that takes peanut allergies seriously; that recognizes that their severity does honestly call for special measures from the community. Can't we all at least agree that children deserve to feel safe in their schools, and that adults should make a serious and thoughtful effort to make sure that they are?
In addition to anti-bullying programs, there seems to be a push these days for character education in schools. Shouldn't recognizing the health-care needs of classmates be a part of that for schoolchildren? If you don't want to ban peanuts, then at least make sure that everybody in school knows how important it is to be neat with peanut butter, to wash hands, to recognize the signs of a reaction, to get an adult who can help. That's just basic good citizenship, to be concerned with the needs of those around you. To be able to say, for example, "Gee, I loved having cupcakes for class parties, but maybe it would be cool do games instead of food so that Joey could participate." We should welcome the opportunity to put compassion in practice, not slam the door on it.
Many commenters have said, essentially, "Your child's peanut allergy is your problem. Don't make it my problem." And that, right there, that attitude, is something that parents of any child with special needs have to be worried about. That's the attitude that says, "I think retard is a funny word, and if it bothers you, that's your problem." It's the attitude that says, "You look different, and that bothers me, so it must be okay to hurt you." It's the attitude that kicks autistic kids out of restaurants and churches and airplanes, and feels okay about it because those families have the option of just never leaving the house.
More than any single issue, it's that attitude that hurts my heart. What do we do about that attitude? I think it's been growing as inclusion has been growing, and as people are being asked to accommodate students in their children's classrooms and Sunday schools and troops and teams that they never used to have to think about before. People are feeling a need to draw a line, and some are drawing it in peanut butter. I have to believe they don't really understand how severe and life-threatening a reaction can be, and with how small an amount, and how easy it is for that amount to ride on a sticky hand or a poorly cleaned table. I can't imagine that parents are really willing to risk having their child be responsible for the death of a classmate.
What's called for, then, is education first, and strategizing second. Consider the needs of all the kids in a classroom or a school -- the ones who can't eat peanuts and the ones who can't eat anything but, the ones with other food allergies who have been feeling neglected, the ones with diabetes and Celiac disease, the ones with other disorders and disabilities, even the ones who just really love their PB&Js. Figure things out in a way that respects everybody, and finds value in everybody. Consider the ways in which making a small sacrifice for the welfare of a fellow student can be a positive experience, and not an outrage.
It'd be nice if adults could work something like that out, wouldn't it? I'm thinking, though, that it's probably going to have to be a project for the kids.
Read more: Special Needs News | Preparing the School for Your Child With Peanut Allergies | Businesses Run by Parents of Children With Food Allergies
Photo: Bill Pugliano/Getty Images
“Figure things out in a way that respects everybody, and finds value in everybody.”
I believe if this was the tone of your initial post about peanut butter, then I believe the ratio of comments would be much more leaning toward the positives. However, you had to expect the backlash you received when your stance was just as standoffish as the ones that strike down any idea of restricting any food. However, it seems that when an article is done on a mainstream news site(MSNBC), you have now adopted a more compromisable position on peanut butter. In the first two posts on this, you basically are the pot calling the kettle black, while this third post is what the first post should have been in the first place.
Saying that, I believe the ideas in this post can definitely lead to a more positive result, and create more harmony than the previous post could ever conceive of doing.
I’ve been thinking about Us vs Them for the past few weeks now. When we’re born, it’s all Me, and we have to learn that others are separate from us. No wonder it’s so hard to discover that we are all one, when we’re willing to look. No wonder it’s so hard to accept when someone is not identical to Us! But there is no Them, is there? Only others just like us who aren’t ready or able to lower our barriers.
We need to learn how to lower our barriers and accept everyone, but we also have to keep ourselves safe from those who will do anything to keep true their concepts of self. Those bullies you mention will, and did, attack those who are dear to us! That is what was spoken out against in the first discussions concerning peanut allergies – there have already been attacks against those who are vulnerable.
How do we balance it all? How do we protect ourselves while embracing our unity? If we’re lucky, we can find mediators who’ll help, but if they won’t, we need to stand tall and firm until we are safe. Only then can we reach out in the pursuit of equality.