FASD: What's Worked for Us So Far

Today was FASD Awareness Day, scheduled on the ninth day of the ninth month to emphasize that for all nine months of pregnancy, women should abstain from alcohol to prevent Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

It was also the fifth day of high school for my own son with FASD, and despite my constant worries, at least so far he seems to be making an amenable adjustment. I expect these next four years to be among our most challenging, as he navigates a very crowded school and very risky teen years, and I know better than to pretend I've got things all figured out. That's the easiest way in the world to invite a crisis down on your head.

I will say, though, that there are several things that have brought us successfully to this point, and for those who may be dealing with FASD in younger children, I thought this would be a good day to share them.

• Getting a Diagnosis. We were lucky to have information that our son's birthmother abused alcohol during her pregnancy, because it made getting a diagnosis easy. Fully understanding what that diagnosis meant took longer, but made a huge difference in how we set expectations.
  
  
• Self-Contained Special Education. This may not be an option for much longer, with inclusion becoming more and more the norm, but a structured environment with a small class size, trained teacher, and flexibility in instructional levels has been an ideal setting for my boy's schooling.
  
  
• Constant Supervision. Call me a helicopter parent, but this is non-negotiable. He needs adult eyes on him all the time, both to keep him from behaving inappropriately and to keep others from taking advantage of him. We've been lucky to have been able to get a one-on-one aide at school as well.
  
  
• Understanding Development Levels. Kids with FASD are all over the place developmentally, with verbal skills often at or beyond age level but emotional development lagging far, far, far behind. So you can have a teen who looks mature and talks a good game but has the patience and impulse control and social understanding of a five-year-old. See constant supervision, above.
  
  
• Enjoying Him. What a sweetie this guy is. Despite his problems, he's just a charming fellow, entirely lovable. Protecting him in other ways, with a diagnosis and a sheltered classroom and concerned adult attention, has I think spared us a lot of the ugly behavioral side effects that arise when a child is constantly asked to do things that his brain is not built for.

There may come a time when he'll resist all the supervision and structure, but we're not there yet. I'm hoping that the longer we can hold off disruptive and dangerous experiences, the greater chance there is that his development will catch up and allow him -- at a later time than his peers, but eventually -- to have a safe degree of independence and adulthood. We'll see.

To learn more about FASD, check my folder on the subject, and follow the links on my resource list for other helpful sites. Three things I've found particularly essential in understanding and helping my son: this symptom chart, this developmental timeline, and this book of strategies.

_{Photo: Justin Sullivan/Getty Images}