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Terri Mauro

Autistic Kids, Violent Adults

By March 27, 2009

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[Editor's Note: If you have come upon this post in a search related to the December 14, 2012, shooting in Connecticut, please read the list of posts from autism organations, autistic adults, and parents of children with autism attached to my post "Speaking to Your Kids About the Unspeakable" for a broader perspective on this issue.]

"The Monster Inside My Son." That's the title of a Salon article in which writer Ann Bauer pours out her anguish at the violent turn her son's life has taken since he stopped being a beautiful mysterious child with autism and turned in to a hulking aggressive adult. Though she had brief hopes of his cure in the middle-school years, and disregarded warnings that his life might come to this, the monster could not be stopped. "I would hack off my right arm in return for something as simple as cancer," Bauer writes. "The flickering beauty of a sad, pure, too-early death sounds lovely."

Does that mean all kids with autism are doomed to a future of menace and manacles? It's easy to feel, when your child suffers a tragedy, that it is part of a larger truth and something others must be warned about. Writes Bauer, "Autism does not always equal violence. But I do believe there may be a tragic, blameless relationship. ... Circumstances, neurology, size and age combine to create the perfect storm."

Though there's not much as parents we can do about neurology, size, and age, circumstances are to some extent under our control. Bauer describes her son as "living daily in a world where everything hurts and nothing makes sense," and that's a concern for children with autism and other special needs as well. Making the world less hurtful and more sensible for our kids is a challenge that can't always be met -- but as I look at my growing, growing boy, becoming stronger and heavier by the minute, it seems like a pretty urgent priority.

Also new today: Site of the Day | Weekday Reflections | Tip of the Day

Photo by Stockbyte/Getty Images

Comments
March 30, 2009 at 2:34 am
(1) QuicksilverHg says:

Thanks for this article. I have already seen ‘the monster’ inside my boys on rare occasions – when backed into a corner, my eldest reached out and grabbed the neck of a classmate, and started to throttle him. Fortunately, they were separated quickly, and no one saw it as more than excessive boyish tit for tat. I saw a possible future.

We constantly question whether we are doing enough to give them their voices, their independence, the ability to deal with the frustration life hands out. I don’t think we will know whether what we have done is enough for many years (they are currently 9 and 8), and all we can do is hope.

March 31, 2009 at 6:32 pm
(2) Nancy Deren says:

I know many adults with autism, from very severe to mild, and many are gentle and easy-going, with basically positive attitudes toward life, while others continue to have behavioral issues, but still make progress and get better year by year. The problem with these kinds of articles is they can make parents needlessly afraid. I’ve known quite a few kids with autism who had behavior problems as kids, often escalating to severe levels in early adolescence, who then matured and went on to lead happy, productive lives as adults, with very different personalities than what was evident in their adolescence. There are so many things we need to worry about as parents, but I think violence in adulthood is not one of the most common concerns. It just causes so much anguish when it does happen that it gets a lot of focus. I also think that as society becomes more understanding, new treatments develop, schools and supported employment programs learn new methods, better communication skills are taught, etc., that fewer and fewer kids will have to endure the level of pain and constant frustration that can lead to violence. At least I want to believe this.

April 8, 2009 at 8:27 pm
(3) Brian says:

Wouldn’t this mother be better off speaking of her troubles with a therapist. I sympathise with her situation, but she does more harm and creates negative stereoptying of people with autism. The “World is Flat” histeria for mothers of children with autism.

This story could be written by mothers of children who have schizoprhenia, Bipolar 1, personality type disorders etc. I reiterate Nancy Deren’s comment that people with autism vary greatly in personality as do non-ASD people.

August 6, 2009 at 12:02 pm
(4) Valerie says:

Well, obviously the rest of you have not had to endure the violent behaviors of a autistic child. Why don’t you volunteer to keep them for the weekend and then let us know what you think! It’s very easy to judge when you are not the one experiencing it. My son has turned very violent due to the school locking him in a room during this past year. Now he scratches, bites, punches, etc.. anyone at any time. There are no defining triggers. Three years ago, the teacher was holding face down on a bean bag with her foot while she sat in a chair. The school system has moved him to another school.

Meanwhile, I’m left over the summer with bloody hands and face from him scratching and biting me; hitting me in the face and pulling my hair; and now he’s throwing everything around in his room. He cannot speak and this frustrates him and us (the parents) even more. You cannot calm him down when he’s like this, and then when he’s calmed himself down, approaching him to try and talk to him sets him off again. He is fed via a G-button (feeding tube) and won’t let me near him during the day to try and feed him or change his diaper — he’s 11 years old and still is not potty trained. This can create a huge mess.

He is almost the same height as I am and can now pin me to the ground when he gets violent. I welcome any of you to come and keep him for while I “observe” how you handle this.

September 25, 2009 at 11:31 am
(5) Everlena Hemingway says:

Hi, I’m also the mother of a 21 year old young man with autism. He is seldom violent or angry. He seldom cried as a child. He goes about his day in routine fashion, only changing to something else at his own desire. I let him have his space. I let him make his transitions. Often he does not wish to leave a movie or game for dinner or a snack, the food is covered and left on the table or in a container in the refrigerator, he can heat it and eat it at his leisure. That’s the thing about this special need, he has leisure time I could only dream of. He only acts out or acts up as some call it, when others, try to impose their will or plans on him and time constraints by force or getting in his face without backing off. He does not like to be hurried or compelled, and I don’t do it, and when others do, it creates aggression, they don’t realize that they are being the aggressor and that breeds aggression. It’s all about understanding that his brain does not work the way his caregiver’s brain works. He learns at his own pace, bathes and dresses at his own pace and dines at his own pace. Allowing extra time helps me to elimiate opposition on his part by not causing him to feel rushed. When I hear adults talking about aggression in these kids I know that they are imposing constraints which the child finds it hard to deal with, not knowing when to back off and let the child have space, this breeds aggression. At school, violent behavior is only bred by bullying and failure to recognize each individuals space. Teachers don’t watch close enough for bullies in this environment, or allow each child the time and space it needs to transition from task to activity. This also breeds aggression.

October 25, 2009 at 7:38 pm
(6) brian says:

the reality is that it is the autism community that activly still uses word like “behavior” instead of focusing on the underlying reasons for the violent behavior. please show me it on any of the sites. there are less doctors dedicated to the sickest among this community now than just a couple years ago. headlines of state insurance coverage that is nothing more than aba, it is both a crime and a sin

November 11, 2009 at 1:32 am
(7) joyce says:

my sister has an autistic 9 year old she beats the heck out of my sister she has so many bites on her arms breast back so forth.I dont know why my sister tolerates that violence. the child even hurts other
children at school.she is allways so angry.im so afraid for my sister.i hate to go to her house . this child picks up tvs and toss them. unbelievable.
strength.

November 18, 2009 at 11:35 am
(8) Anna says:

While I want to be hopeful, too, as I have a special-needs child who has a tendency towards aggression (but not full-blown attacks), I totally sympathize with what Valerie is saying and going through. I do NOT judge nor trivialize what others say they are going through, and looking at life from this perspective has given me a humbler, more insightful and magnanimous perspective on life in general. As much as I hate my son having to go through what he does, and hate going through it myself, I would much rather see the world through my eyes than through the eyes of the untolerant, judging, small and clueless people who dare think they have any moral authority to comment on the experiences of the experienced!

November 23, 2009 at 1:34 am
(9) Betty says:

I am raising my nonverbal grandson who has autism and bipolar. Bipolar and ADD/ADHD happen to run on both sides of his family. I have raised this boy since he was less that 3 and he is almost 16 now. He is also over 200 lbs and moving past 6 foot. When he is upset, hungry, hurting, or frustrated he goes for me. I am 67 now and 5 foot. At school he was long ago moved from a class with women instructors to a class with males. At 85 lbs he could take a female teacher or aide down. He is also on medications as are his bipolar brothers and mother. We have to take into consideration what might be causing his aggression. Is his allergies giving him a severe headache or maybe is it past dinner time for him? His last ones were caused by pain of an abscessed tooth! No one should judge the families of a nonverbal child with autism or even a bipolar child unless they have lived with that child. I hope our boy can stay at home forever because we are willing to understand and work with him and it scares me to think what could happen to him in a group home with constantly changing personnel.

December 14, 2009 at 10:25 am
(10) Scarlett says:

My 14 year old son has turned very violent towards me in the last year or so. He is about 5’11 and weighs about 170. I am 5’5 and weigh 117. He is unbelievably strong. I’ve recently had to withdraw him from school to homeschool him. Our problem isn’t so much people trying to put constraints on him but him trying to manipulate his environment. It can be something as ridiculous as wanting lunchtime to be at 8am or wanting it to be time to go pick up his little brother from school well before school lets out. While I know I could give him “lunch” at 8am to avoid a confrontation, I wonder how much good it does him to learn that my fear of him can get him whatever he wants. In my mind, that will only make things worse.
We are like the grandmother a couple of posts up in that he always goes for me when he’s angry. He has actually pulled balled spots on my head and scratched my face up. Sometimes I think I must deserve it since I have had to be the disciplinarian in the family. I’m the one who sets the rules and who ran his ABA therapy for years when he was younger so I think he views me as the person in the home who controls everything. Maybe I was too hard on him earlier on but I thought I was helping him. He was always well behaved and mild up until he hit puberty. I hope this is temporary but I’m afraid he’s going to kill me.

December 20, 2009 at 1:48 am
(11) Jane Anonymous says:

I found this article after searching the terms “autism” and “violent.” I read the Salon.com article first and found it much deeper and more informative, but the comments on this one are the telling thing.

I am a babysitter for a severely autistic child. Today, though, he attacked me and the other people around us while we were on an outing. He reached out and slapped a man on the subway train, grabbed fistfuls of my hair while kicking me in the shins, and generally lashed out. Unprovoked. Long story short, it was a mess. The police showed up. Some stranger approached us to give him a hug and tell him that it was my fault–that I’d done something to make him that way. Once I’d wrestled him outside and isolated him from pedestrians, I couldn’t help but cry.

I love this kid. I spent hours agonizing over a Christmas present for him (and his parents, and his sister…) I am so exhausted by this encounter, but grateful for the fact that I can go home at the end of the day. What happens if he attacks his younger sister? I ended the day with bruised shins and less hair, but she could have fared much worse, had she been with us. (And to that guy who got slapped by C., I am so so sorry. I’m not sure if I said it in the moment.)

December 24, 2009 at 9:14 pm
(12) Theresa says:

I am so sorry to hear of all the families with loved ones with significant behaviors. I have a 17 year old son who has autism, epilepsy, adhd, and a touch of OCD. He has been diagnosed as PDDNOS and is verbal so a lot of his frustration he is able to express. Perhaps this is why he doesn’t have significant inappropriate behavior. He is able to express his disappointment and anger about life’s frustrations. He does argue a lot at times and wears our nerves, but he does not strike out, bite, or have any physically aggressive behaviors. I would think he would IF he wasn’t able to express his feelings. The children, teens, and adults with autism who do have aggression MAY be lashing out as a way of communicating. If we could find a channnel for them to use to let out their feelings and frustrations, MAYBE they wouldn’t be so physically aggressive? I have my son draw or write about what’s bothering him. I’m not sure if this will help anyone with a non-verbal loved one, but I do know there are people with autism out there that can type, but aren’t verbal. My heart goes out to all of you with loved ones with significant behavior challenges. I pray the doctors and scientists will someday find a cure or prevention for autism (and bipolar, and epilepsy, and cerebal palsy, and cancer, and…).

Merry Christmas, belated Happy Hannukah, Happy Holidays! Peace, Theresa

March 1, 2010 at 9:54 pm
(13) Paul says:

The behavior can be downright scary. My 19-year-old son has broken 3 TVs in the last year as well as left countless bruises and scratches over the rest of us. There are no “triggers” to this kind of behavior. Something that is fine one day may set off the violent reaction the next. I wholeheartedly agree with Scarlett. Yes, in theory he can have an 8 a..m. lunch, but do we really want to make lunch before the breakfast dishes are done? And my son also has the unrealistic expectations of when his brother gets home from school, when I get home from work, etc. On Saturday, he threw a fit because it wasn’t time to go to church (which is on Sunday). He is our son and we love him dearly, but he can also be dangerous as can be. Therein lies the crux of our decisions what to do with him. We can’t bear to think of him in a home, but when he comes in our room in the early morning with fists flailing because it’s a snow day or simply because it’s Memorial Day and we are off of our routine, we are not safe. It’s not a fun life.

March 5, 2010 at 11:59 am
(14) Rose says:

Each situation is different and there is no way one can fairly pass judgment on another’s situation.

As a caregiver to many different children with a wide variety of diagnosis. Each case is different. While some kids respond well to redirection or giving them as much space as possible, others triggers are completely unpredictable and no matter how hard we tried meltdowns, some very violent, were unavoidable.

Understanding and learning from each other will get us all much further than judgment.

March 8, 2010 at 6:51 pm
(15) Amie says:

I really enjoyed all the comments it made me realize im not alone.. I have a 6 year old autistic daughter who is verbal but still doesnt really know how to express her emotions. She can be the sweetest girl but she can be very violent. She’s still very young and still sometimes hardly handable. She’s broke countless windows with her head, and has a tendacy to hit,bit, pinch and pull hair.. We have to watch her very carefully when she gets angry or upset around her lil sister because she could easily hurt her if someone wasnt there to step in the way.. so far she is still in a main stream school, but not sure that will last for ever, she can be very abusive when the other kids invade her space..thank you for all the comments it really made me feel like im not alone…i love my daughter very much and i wish and try to help her learn to express her emotions in better ways..bless you all…

March 14, 2010 at 5:45 am
(16) deb says:

As the mother of a 23 year old autistic sometimes violent adult, I definitely can Identify with the writer. We try to use distraction techniques when my sons meltdown first begins. There is usually a low becoming louder every second sound my severely autistic son makes before going on one of his violent rampages where we try to give him something else to focus on.
He also has ocd and very limited speech. I try to look for clues as to whats setting him off and remove it from his site. Sometimes this helps.

March 24, 2010 at 8:18 am
(17) Melissa says:

I am interested in what Paul ended up doing with his son. I am the mother of a 19-year-old autistic daughter. She is as sweet as she can be, somewhat verbal, independent as far as dressing herself, etc. But, she has turned extremely violent. When she gets quiet and looks down, I know it’s coming. I try and talk calmly to her and try to get her focused on something else. It doesn’t work. She will scream at the top of her lungs – “No Hannah, No mom!” Hannah is her 11-year-old sister. Then she will smash her fists into her head over and over again, then bang a table, laptop, anything close to her. She will start spitting at me and scream. She kicks me, hits me over and over again, all the while I am trying to protect her from hurting herself. She has smashed and destroyed a tv, fish tank, laptop, several doors, and has left several holes in the walls. Worse, she has literally chased her sister with the intent of hurting her. Hannah is literally scared of her sister! Hannah and I walk on eggshells and live in fear daily. Like Paul, the thought of putting her into a home kills me. But I know that one day she will seriously hurt me or someone else. I know my situation could be worse, but just for a short time, I would give almost anything to see what living a normal life with my other daughter was like.

March 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm
(18) Angela says:

In reply to melissa.

From your email it sounds like your 19 year old daughter knows you and your other daughter are afraid of her and uses that to her advantage. I would not show fear and maybe try too make yourself look like your still in charge and intimiate her by yelling more loudly then her or maybe try breaking some possesions in front of her like she does.

You also might want to try the complete opposite, ignore her completely and give the other daughter attention. These ideas sounds extreme but maybe they might work.

Also you might want to try therapy. Maybe have a therapist teach your daughter approp. ways to handle her anger depending on her level. Or try a rewards system. Every time she handles her anger in an appropriate manner reward her with a dollar.

Also being a teenager is not easy.Is there anyway you think she could be depressed? And have you tried medication?

March 26, 2010 at 4:42 pm
(19) Janie says:

I have a 20 year old son who has been going through a real tough time with aggression and I can relate to all of you out there! Yes it is very hard to deal with but, you do because of the love you have for your child no matter what age, and when they are non-verbal it is like there body grows but, they will never be able to tell you what is wrong or that they love you or anything that you want to hear from your child and yes we do tell these things to doctor’s or counsulor or anyone that could help in any way autisim is a very tough thing and I pray every day that we can find a breakthrough to help these children and adults. I thank God for all the parents that hang in there hopfully we can make a difference My heart goes out to all of you .

May 11, 2010 at 7:40 pm
(20) Theresa S says:

This is for Valerie….I wanted you to know that in reading your comment, you could have been describing my 13 year old son!! I sooooo understand what you are going thru, and at the same time, for lack of a better word, I am relieved to know that my Danny is not the only young man beating the snot out of his Mom! If you ever wanna talk, offer advice or anything, my email is theresa711@live.ca

June 3, 2010 at 1:28 am
(21) Jay Stern says:

My best friend’s son is a violent, 18-year old autistic. Like so many, he is huge. Like so many, he bites, hits and destroys things. He is on and off numerous meds and now medical marijuana. Nothing seems to work for very long to calm him down. I just looked at his Individualized Educational Plan from the special school he attends. The goals that are stated haven’t changed in the past 4 years. As I studied the IEP it dawned on me that no methods were identified to help him achieve the stated goals. Lip-service is being given to periodic assessments and planning. But when no progress is made, the school just copies last year’s IEP and puts a current date on it. It seems to me that all the planning in the world is meaningless if there is no way to implement the plan. We truly need a new direction. I’m impressed by the work of Matthew Israel in Massachusetts. He uses remote-activated electric shocks to control violent autistics. As might be expected, the do-gooders condemn such “cruelty” to “children.” (Yeah, 6’3″, 220 lb, hard-muscle child!) Nevertheless, if we can’t get some type of control, we won’t be able to modify behavior which is the key to getting these violent young people to be receptive to learning. BTW, I bought one of those joke pens that give shocks. Everyone else dropped the thing when triggered. Not this kid! He held it and grinned. Maybe electric shock is the key. Maybe we need to try a cattle prod. Even if something else is used, I maintain that what is termed “aversive therapy” is needed to control and train these violent young people.

June 5, 2010 at 12:41 am
(22) judy says:

My 22 year old son has autism and he is a gentle,loving soul. But when he hit puberty around age 11 all heck broke loose! But after finding the correct medication (risperdal) to correct his severe mood swings I got my sweet little boy back! He now lives in a group home and goes to a vocational center 5 days a week. He loves his “family”at the home and also spends time with his Mom and extended family. Hey, I’m almost 47 years old and if he wasn’t manageable then I couldn’t keep him by myself for a week at a time! But there is hope! Puberty can sometimes just really throw these guys for a loop!

June 13, 2010 at 12:28 pm
(23) Allyson says:

My son is 21 and has been in a short term hospital unit since he was 18, I didn’t want him to have to go into hospital, he was sectioned and still is, but he has always been aggressive, and had got worse, from age 15 to age 18 I had him at home, I am a single parent and he was very hard work, but totally adorable, he is mostly non verbal, but capable of being very tender hearted and he loves his mum, whilst at home he almost drove me bonkers, he interacts non stop with me and is very obsessive and repetitive poking and expecting you to translate and talk for him constantly.
It broke my heart when he was put in hospital and we had some tough times till those apron strings were broken just a little, but although its a temporary place, there is no money in our area for young people like him, he is now very happy there and the staff adore him, he doesn’t get out a lot, but the staff do there best and he has made a lovely friendship with one of the other residents.
Today we had a blip, we had been to the cinema and were walkint to MacDonalds when lady I know stopped and spoke to me for a moment or two that was enough for hiim to get annoyed, he told me he wasnt’ happy, I was feeling confident enough to challenge him, and ended up being assaulted, its humiliating, I am 5 ft and he is 6ft people were horrified and so was I, I had planned to take him on holiday at the beginning of August and had booked a holiday, my dad is 83 and lives with me after today I know I can’t take the risk.
I feel so sad for my son and for me, I love going places with him yet at the same time his repetiveness and manipulative ways really upset me, autism is a terrible disorder.
When Paul was younger I tried to be firm etc, dealing with people with this disorder is so difficult and I am only relieved that he is not my full time responsiblity now, I wish you all well and know what a struggle you live daily and how brave and strong you are in your walk with your loved ones with autism
love and god bless
Allyson

June 14, 2010 at 9:56 am
(24) Cindy says:

My 19 year old son with autism is currently being treated by a new psychiatrist who is weaning him off his prescription meds and replacing them with large doses of mricronutrients. His perscrition meds (Risperdal and Luvox, then later addition of Seroquel) worked through puberty but lately had stopped becoming effective. His aggression was increasing both in frequency and intensity. The med change has been going on since Feb. with him now only receiving 25% of the perscription meds that he was on. So far, he isn’t any worse, and we know, at least, that he is not being exposed to the side effects of the anti-psychotics that he was taking. Two products recommended to us that have been nothing short of amazing are Inositol and Choline. We were recommended to use these on an “as needed” basis when either we think our child will become anxious and possibly aggressive or when he is in a full rage state. The Inositol is for situations when we think he might become or is beginning to become anxious and a combination of it and Choline are for when he is in a full aggressive meltdown. They are capsules that we open and give him in a spoonful of applesauce. Within 10 minutes of giving these to our son, he is smiling and calm. The improvement only lasts about an hour, but frequently is enough time for him to forget why he was upset. As is the cruel nature of autism, because they work for my son, does not mean they will work for all others, but if they might lessen the rage our children can show, you may want to try it. We found them at a natural food store that had a large supplement section. They were about $15 each.

August 19, 2010 at 7:38 am
(25) Sophia says:

Wow, I have alot of identification with the mother who have violent adult autistic sons. While my son has improved his aggression since being in residential for the past 5 yrs, he still has violent tendencies and it concernes me because he is coming back home full time. He is indeed a beautiful man, but when he sets off it can be very difficult.I am so glad to have found this article it goes to show me I am not alone. Although there is no solution there must be a way to make it better for them and for us, I would like to see more aritcles on that area.

October 17, 2010 at 4:45 pm
(26) paula says:

I was angered by the previous comments over the denial of autisim and aggression!!! I am a scottish mother living in Belgium I have 3 children a 17yr old boy with ass, adhd and ocd a 14 yr old boy with ass and depression and thank God an 11yrold daughter with maybe a few tendencies that I don’t wish to bring for diagnosis. At this point I will also mention my husband a scientist although not diagnosed I can also say autistic!!

I am at the end of my tether……my oldest is the child of nightmares…I have always tried to care for him but has always had aggressive tendencies. None of my friends no the hell I am going through!!!We have been to psychiatrists since he was 6 yrs old only finally diagnosed at 12 yrs old.

I am so ashamed and blame myself I am feeling suicidal when the oldest goes off and there is no reasoning, I have been doing this for 17 years now…..and when the youngest hides in the wardrbe and the middle one goes of to hurt himself and my only option is to phone the police what do you do?

October 22, 2010 at 12:06 am
(27) june says:

it is really hard living next to a autistic neighbor, she causes so many problems and constantly screams and gets stuck on the same subject and is now surrounding her property with fences… oh what a mess, its a lot of trouble and disfunction for a normal person to handle… and she hides the fact that she is autistic.. very hard situation to handle for me…

October 23, 2010 at 9:25 pm
(28) Debbie H says:

My daughter is now 19 and once she hit puberty the aggression started, and the Drs put her on risperdol and it calmed her down a for a couple of yrs, then it quit, they put her on other meds, made her worse, then they committed her to the hospital and we both cried for each other, she’s also blind and depends on me 100%. They kept her seeing ey cane from her and her plastic hanger that is a calming effect for her. During her 7 day stay she got worse and wouldn’t eat so I had to carry food to her that I knew she would eat. They finally let her come home and she chants that she cried herself to sleep. I researched about risperdol and discovered that I didn’t want her on any other Rxs anymore, she acted stoned. I immediately took her off of all meds and in 24 hrs she was awake and alert. She says, I feel good or I feel better. I kept a calender and discovered her problem is unbalanced hormones, so I researched herbs now that I don’t trust Drs. Vitex works great in balancing her hormones and making that time easier. Also her aggression is scratching and pinching me on the hands and arms and I slap her hands or arms and warn to put her in time out, she does not like time out because she knows that means she has done something bad. I give her hops (calms the nerves) and valerian root (relaxes and stops any pain) so far this works great to calm her down and I have many days that she is herself and very loveable, her key thing is she wants to be left alone, ie-get out of her room, she stays either in her room with the christian channel playing that she loves to listen to or her den (spare bedroom that I turned into her den) and either listens to the tv or the radio.

November 13, 2010 at 9:05 am
(29) Mickey says:

My son is now 18 – moderate autism. He began the aggressive behavior three years ago and has been on a series of anti-psychotics, anti-seizure and stimulant meds since that time (currently Geodon, Depakote and Adderall). I hate that he is on these meds, but I am so afraid to stop them. He is so violent, and he isn’t even that big – 140 lbs, 5’11″ (I am 140 lbs, 5’9″). I can no longer handle him. Our lives have been turned upside down. My husband and I are so stressed out. We are desperate! We are tired! Our hearts are breaking! Surely, there is an answer somewhere. The thought of having to go through this for the remainder of his life is horrifying. Good Lord, help us all!

November 15, 2010 at 6:28 pm
(30) Debbie H says:

Try Kava Kava Root, I bought the lowest dose and tried it on my daughter and she was so happy and calm, I have ordered the 30% and the elixer so I can give it to her only when she needs it. Hay, life is hard enough and I have to keep her completely calm, my hands and arms hurt when her aggression starts and I’m determined NOT to have her committed. Once was enough to know that is not good for her. Research the web for herbs to calm you down, Kava Kava relaxes the muscles and nerves, they describe it’s feeling like having a relaxing drink. Now we all know someone that is very relaxed after having a drink and if it stops my daughter from being violent, Bless God for creating these natural herbs, at least there aren’t harmful side effects like the man made garbage, yea medicaid doesn’t pay for it but vitacost.com and Kovakavafarm.com have really good prices.

November 27, 2010 at 12:58 pm
(31) Diana T. says:

I am the mother of a beautiful 13 yr old autistic daughter. I do not recognize her anymore. When she turned 10 yrs old its as if a monster took control of her and has left mass destruction everywhere. She once was a sweet innocent little girl that I could take anywhere. Her bedroom was so cute and decorated with Nemo and fishes everywhere. She has ripped and broken everything. I have spent thousands of dollars on clothing, bedding and much more. She broke her bedroom window, big screen t.v., car door handle. I’m glad she has not hurt herself or others. I could not find any help in my state, so I took her to a group home for kids. They kicked her out because they could not deal with her. Now I am stuck in the mess of it. She has living with her dad and I take her on the weekends sometimes. Everytime she comes with she treats us as if she hates us. My 8 yr old son is afraid of her. I hate that! We used to be a happy loving family. Now its just a nightmare when she is here. She has always lived with me, I just couldnt take anymore. I feel like such a horrible on one hand, but when I see my 8 yr old thriving for the first time, I know I made the right decision. Im thinking of telling her dad that I can’t take her anymore. She needs to get psychiatric help that unfortunately I have failed to provide her. I try to be an expert, but I’m not, I’m a mom.

November 28, 2010 at 9:56 pm
(32) Lynnette says:

I am the mom of an 18 yr. old non verbal very aggressive autistic child. He has been this way on and off his entire life. This last week was a nightmare. The full moon didnt help at all. His sleep is off as well, normally we go to bed at 1 but the past two weeks its been 2-5 am. I have to get up and be ready for work by 6:30. He punches, kicks, bits, slaps and will smach anything he can get his fists or feet to conect with. I don’t like the idea of trying meds because he is non verbal he can not tell me what the side effects are and I dont like that. The bottom line people is we are in this fight alone. Just us against the world of Autism. The thought of go thru the rest of our lives this way is enough to make any one open a vein. What do we do, where do we go from here. If you have noticed there is little to nothing out there on the internet in terms of what helps for our children when they become adults and putting them in homes will only get them abused and drugged out of their minds. Im tired and angry and just so done with all of it. Im not usually this upset but the last two weeks have been more than any one person should have to take and I am even considering telling the most amazing man I have ever met that I feel its better if we just didnt see each other. NO PERSON should ever have deal with this if they dont have too. My heart goes out to every single parent and caregiver of these children/adults…. I think this is as much as we can hope for. I do alot of praying and keep looking for something that will make a difference. GOD LOVE YOU ALL!!!

December 1, 2010 at 8:12 pm
(33) Debbie H says:

Her “sperm donor” and his family does nothing to help. I’m on my own, my Daddy will sit with her for me to go to the store but his health has been bad and made him weak and I just can’t let him sit with her anymore, my BFF has been the sister I always wished I had, I can write a list and she will go to the store and get our groceries and anything else we need. I have not left our home with her in 5 mos now. So far Hops will calm her nerves so I give it to her first thing each morning, then a valerian root at lunch and 2 at bedtime to keep her calm and help her sleep, she has great days but at a drop of a hat she will scream or suddenly pinch or scratch me. I cut her nails every Sunday. I really miss getting in my vehicle and US going to the grocery store or the store and shopping, getting what we need together. But now, I’m almost always on edge and waiting. I’ve seen Kava Kava root calm her soooo nicely, but it was not strong enough to last, so I’ve ordered it from Vitacost.com cause they have a dose that is stronger and I’m waiting for it to be shipped so I can try it. The elixer from Kava farms is good and works fast but it does not last too long, I want to have at least 5 hrs of calm behavior, these pills are suppose to be strong enough and the waiting is driving me crazy, if they work and if that’s all I have to give her, I will surely stock up on them like I have on valerian and hops. I even take valerian to relax my muscles to stop the pulled muscle pain and hops to calm my nerves, so I know how well they are working on her, I just wish she could talk to me like normal, we have our own little way of communicating. I pray daily and hope one day, the right thing will keep her calm and we can be back to “normal” again. At least I had 16 yrs of calm.

December 23, 2010 at 2:11 am
(34) Zabrina says:

I am so sad, because my adopted Autistic son just turned 19 yrs. old today. He doesn’t understand why his siblings or the world didn’t stop to celebrate his birthday and give him an abundance of presents. My husband and I are 54 yrs. old and we are very tired without any asistance with our son. We are looking towards the future to set him up, but I don’t think anything that we do will be good enough……I am sorry I can’t continue.

January 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm
(35) libbie says:

I sit here crying knowing I am not alone. My 20 year old son is usually wonderful. But on occassion he will just go off. “Kill mama” is what he likes to tell me. I have been attacked while driving the car from the back seat, lunged at, hit, and bitten. He is now 6’1 and 245 lbs. Incredibly strong. Valerie, Im there with you. I dont have real knives or forks in my house anymore for fear he will use them. Those of you that havent lived through this have no idea how isolated it makes a parent feel. I have raised him with no help, and done my very best. I too have thought of a cattle prod. It would probably be more humane than having to fight him off like I do now. This didnt happen until puberty and until he too was locked in a shower room by an aide at school.

January 5, 2011 at 12:35 am
(36) Katherine King says:

I am glad I ran across this site, I like you feel very alone. I have a daughter that is 15 1/2 years old, she suffers from High Functioning Autism/Asperger’s. She goes on rampages too, over every little thing, she didn’t start this until puberty either, and since I had her in this horrible school, that dragged her through the hallway on her knees. The only way she can get an education is with me homeschooling her. She doesn’t really scratch or bite, but she will scream “Help Police” at the top of her lungs if she doesn’t feel we are being fair to her, because doesn’t always get her way. With my daughter she is very verbal, but she processes slow and she wants to be like everyone else,but her behavior stands in the way. I am thinking of putting her in assisted living when she is an adult, because at times it gets very exhausting trying to always calm her down before she explodes, you can only live like that so long, and then it takes it’s toll…

January 5, 2011 at 11:19 am
(37) Kelly says:

I am the older sibling (10 year age difference) of an adult with higher-functioning autism – he’s 21 now. Not so ironically, I am also a social worker employed at an agency that serves autistic children and adults (school, day habilitation and residential), so I am both personally and professionally connected to this issue. When he was younger, my parents were very diligent about sticking to behavior plans, providing reinforcement, etc, but now that he’s “an adult” it seems like they just allow him to run rough-shod over everyone else in the interest of keeping his temper in control. It is extremely frustrating as a sibling, particularly because I know that I will be his primary caregiver one day and will have to deal with his behavior myself. He used to be on a stimulant med (different through the years) and an ssri (zoloft I think) and visited a therapist regularly, but ever since my mom’s gotten on the biomed bandwagon, all that has stopped – the solution to all his nasty behavior is now getting his supplements readjusted.

January 5, 2011 at 11:20 am
(38) Kelly says:

Continued… sorry for the long post!

Last week we went on Christmas vacation as a family (my folks, two brothers and my husband) – it was completely tiresome after the first day due to my youngest bro’s behavior. He has a permanent scowl on his face, yells and sulks if he doesn’t get his way in every situation (including the smallest of details), hits things at the slightest provocation, does not allow anyone else to joke or laugh without getting angry, and generally behaves just plain rudely.

I understand that my brother has autism and that his mind works differently, but man, where do you draw the line? We have adults in our programs that are SEVERELY autistic, non-verbal, severely self-injurious, etc that are able to follow a simple routine because our staff applies consistent rules and reinforcement. They are not allowed to do whatever they please – whether they are an adult or not is irrelevant. Anyway, I know this is long, but I am just so frustrated by the situation and don’t know how to discuss it with my parents without getting “preachy” and making them defensive.

Thanks for this thread, it’s helpful to see…

January 8, 2011 at 9:15 am
(39) C. Vigneau says:

I know that most people dealing with autistic teens may not see violent out burst . I will tell you this, that they can only see the good until they are put in a situation with an autistic person who has attacked them, grabbing them by the neck and biting them or tearing of the door and throwing it at them orpickingup a60 lb chair and throwing it and this is with no sights of agression. My heart goes out to this mother. People that talk a out this like you did something worry have never had to deal with this on a daily base.

January 8, 2011 at 6:19 pm
(40) sonia says:

Happy New Year to all,
It is extremely difficult to deal with an autistic child. My son is now 17 and going through Puberty. He tells me that when he turns 21 he is going to start dating and move out to be by himself. He also wants to drive and work. Whenever he tell me this, I do not know what to say because in my heart I know he will never live a “NORMAL” LIFE. I always tell him that will see what happens that we will take it day by day. He sometimes gets violent when he doesn’t get his way. I have to calm him down and talk to him nice. I have been giving him natural remedies and I have seen big improvements. He is taking vitamin b-12,calcium,magnezium,fishoil and vitamin c. Many doctors have prescribed meds but I NEVER gave them to him. I will do whatever it takes for my son to have a so call “normal” life. My heart goes to all parents with kids/adults with Autism. God bless you all.
Sonia

January 12, 2011 at 8:08 pm
(41) Kathy says:

I am so glad to find this article and set of comments. My son is 20 and we have dealt with aggression and violent behaviors most of his life. Many medications and therapies have been tried and I am at the end of my despair. He reacts the worst with me; threatening to kill or shoot me. I wish he would most of the time now. He can never be left alone as he is very dangerous or will disappear. I do not know where to turn for help. The waiting list for group homes are several years long. I pray he doesnt kill someone or himself before then. I can’t continue on this path

January 12, 2011 at 11:53 pm
(42) Very Upset says:

I’m in an ER right now and a woman was brought in because she was driving erratically and was pulled over. Her severely autistic adult son was in the car with her, turns out she was injured by him earlier; he hit her in the head with a hammer, and he has done this before while she is sleeping. She’s here, he is in psych ward. While she was being examined, she told the staff he RAPED her last night. I feel sick over it.

January 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm
(43) yo says:

It’s what I have always feared, autistic children make for violent adults. How can we, as a society, protect ourselves and our children from them? I feel for these parents who feel they have to take all the violence and abuse. These individuals cannot and will never be able to be mainstreamed, they must be kept in a controlled enviroment for everyone’s protection. Something must be done to protect these parents, it seems like they are in a very vulnerable situation. I wonder how many years can one put up with this abuse, before one can no longer have the strength to handle it anymore. prayers go out to all of you having to deal with this situation, and please don’t forget to consider your safety and the safety of your other children as the utmost in inportance.

February 4, 2011 at 12:00 am
(44) Found What I Didn't Want to Find says:

i have a friend, who is a mother to and autistic 5 year old, who has violent outbursts, just this evening he hit her and knocked the wind out of her, he is increasing in size and strength, she was sobbing, feels her family, marriage is falling apart, guilty that her other 2 children have to endure his violence. I went online, looking, so I could understand, hoping I wouldn’t find what I found here……sobbing, i see her life in the years to come, i fear for her safety, as I know she will not put him in a home….I haven’t seen his rages, but have heard them, he is such a smart little guy, and so sweet, but he can turn so quickly, after reading these comments, i not only pray for her every day, but for all of parents, and caregivers of autistic children

February 9, 2011 at 12:58 pm
(45) Debbie says:

I am the mother of a 26 year old autistic man. My son was a challenge for my husband and I since the day he was born. Like many of you commenting, we have had our share of violent outbursts to get through. As a child, my son was non-verbal, highly agitated and prone to tantrums. With good special needs classes we experienced a period of calm and apparent positive growth from age 10-13. The shift to high school seemed to trigger an abrupt change. He refused to go to school but was miserable at home with me. He quickly became violent and unmanageable. His younger brother and I were the usual targets and like many of you, there was no obvious trigger. It was necessary for us to seek outside help and eventually he was placed in foster care. For the next 8 years, he lived in care and was able to make good progress with the right support in the school system and a very helpful psychiatrist. The only med. he used in those years was an anti-anxiety drug and it seemed to work. Feeling positive about the new direction his life was taking, we prepared for his return to our hometown to live in a newly built group home that promised to meet the needs of an autistic 21 year old. I’m sad to say that he never fully adapted to this new home and over the next three years his agression and violent outbursts increased. He would ‘trash’ a room in the house, scare the other residents and lash out at any worker who tried to intervene. He has since been moved three times, damaged lots of private property, had the police called multiple times and even been hospitalized twice. On one hospital trip, an on-call Doctor pllaced him on powerful psychotropic drugs for ‘manic depression’. He has never been diagnosed properly with this disorder. We are tired, worried and so uncertain about his future. We love our son dearly, but we no longer know him the way we once did. I wish for some peace of mind one day.

May 16, 2011 at 5:08 pm
(46) Erin says:

I am the younger sister of an autistic 24 year old man. Now he is 6 ft and 170 lbs. He can throw my dad, who is 250 lbs, with ease. He has caused permanent damage to my elbow and to various places on my mother. His violence probably started about four years ago, but he would only hurt himself. Now he has no problem hurting himself, my family, or even a complete stranger. My father refuses to “lock him up” as he puts it. Also, I am terrified that he has caused himself brain damage from slamming his head so mych…almost daily. He had been at a facility for three or four months, and was brought back home. Now he is even worse. This is not the facilities fault, he actually was nicer for a week. My mom has had knee surgery and has many other serious health issues. Just recently, he bruised her entire chest and split his head open, throwing himself on the floor. My mom calls me, terrified, telling me that she loves me every time he acts up, like its the last time I will speak to her. I can’t even return home after my college quarter is over because just seeing him turn a corner makes me jump. I am waiting for the call that he has become so violent that my mother is dead. To those of you who want us to “talk to a therapist” you should be ashamed of yourself. To you other families I greatly share your pain. And if anyone has any suggestions as to what my mother can do please feel free to email, bishopervc@gmail.com. Best of luck to you other families.

June 14, 2011 at 1:05 pm
(47) Theresa Christian says:

My son is 17. He has had violent behaviors his whole life. They have greatly decreased over the years, but when he explodes it is scary and uncontrollable. He has had the best early intervention services since he was 2 years old. He has a one to one aid most of his life in school and in the home. From the age of 2-4 he would go from 3-5 weeks without any sleep at all. The only support I could get from State workers was donations of mattresses to drill in his walls. At four my body collapsed from exhaustion and he was hospitalized, I found a lawyer to take his case pro-bono and he was sent to the May Center in Mass. He stayed for one year with little improvement with his behaviors, he learned a lot academically. I resisted meds when he was younger because they slowed him down and I felt he needed to be more alert for learning..He is non-verbal also. He returned home and I had five aids in the home, it lasted 6 months and he went out of state again. We lived in Maine and no services were available. He did go into emergency foster care for 5 months but went through 13 homes before the state realized they were not equipped to handle him. Being a loud advocate for my son, I was on the news and another family was also interviewed, they too also had their son transferred out of state because of his behaviors. I contacted them in the local phone book and we created a group home for the both of them. My son was ten and needed 2:1 aides 24/7 because he was so violent. After he dislocated another women’s neck I decided to put him on medication.

June 14, 2011 at 1:06 pm
(48) Theresa Christian says:

continued…We moved to Georgia in 2003, he managed to kick out every window in our home, he was with us for three years. I have two other younger daughters and our home was a war zone. My husband and I met the governor with our son and explained we had waited for services (a medicaid waiver) for three years and were perfectly alright with leaving him there with the governor because we needed a break. We were ready to go to jail for abandonment. The state found emergency respite immediately. His waiver was issued in one month. Nobody in Georgia would do residential care because he was a minor child. We found one provider and Kevin had his own apartment for three years. He does so much better on his own, provided he has 24/7 supervision because it makes him feel safe. Kevin returned back home when the provider could no longer financially care for Kevin. 90% of the time he is so easy, he has a lot of independent skills, he can cook, wash and dry clothes, he loves fishing, bowling and horse back riding, swimming. But at least once a month he blows up around the full moon. I was trained never to have fear with him in order to care for him whether he was with me or not. I have always maintained close contact with him even when he wasn’t in the home. Kevin assaulted me last month and I got scared and showed him that fear for the first time, I knew it was over. My life past before my eyes, he is 6’1″ and 220 pounds. He wouldn’t let me go. He is unaware of what he is doing and is capable of killing me or someone else. My husband has wrestled with him many times to prevent himself from kicking out a window, hurt himself, or others in the home. The sherriff’s department was called when he attacked me and they had a difficult time with him. He was taken to the ER and then sent to a psych hospital where he stayed for one week. We refused to pick him up because of our safety in the home.

June 14, 2011 at 1:08 pm
(49) Theresa Christian says:

part three….We were forced to pick him because I am his provider now with his medicaid waiver and employ an aid in our home. I have tried many times to care for my son in our home but I am convinced this is not God’s will for us. He is meant to live on his own with supervision. I have a tremendous amount of guilt because I cannot offer my other children the attention they need. My nerves are raw as we wait for a placement to another woman’s home where he will move too. I pray he has a smooth transition and continues to be successful. He has learned so many self-control coping skills over the years and I beleive he will continue to learn more. Our family needs to have a safe home, for him and us. My heart breaks each time I surrender my ability to care for him. This will be our fifth time separating and not living together. Each time I take him back, I hope that he has outgrown his behaviors and learned more skills but it eventually becomes unsafe again and again. I know that most people here still have their children at home with them. I desperately need to talk with other families who have had to place their child outside the home to keep their family and child safe. I have a lot of support for myself because I am in recovery, but nobody I knows understands the grief I have going through these separations. I am comforted knowing that I am only his parent and that he is truly God’s child first and I continually need to give him back. He is meant to touch a lot of lives, because he is so angelic, he has such a beautiful smile and sense of humor. I know I cannot be greedy with his gifts. My heart and prayers go to all of you who live with autism.

June 14, 2011 at 1:09 pm
(50) Theresa Christian says:

last and final part…For years when he was young I fought for a cure, I then learned to embrace and love his autism. I have since learned that I became addicted to his autism…Being around him, I feel closer to God…the pain I also go through brings me closer to God also. Because of Kevin I pray more also. I beleive that Kevin is also addicted to me because I trigger him more than anyone else. He demands my attention 24/7 and when he doesn’t get it, he gets angry. Gerald May wrote that anthing that restricts your freedom is an addiction. We both restrict each other trying to be something that we are not. I am so tired trying to be everything he needs when he needs so much more than what I or our family can provide. We all have more freedom when he is on his own. Our family does too. It is not easy trusting others to care for your child. I have had my share of issues. Kevin has attacked and hurt other women care givers because they also get attached to him and want to care too much for him, he refuses to be mothered AT ALL! Raising a child with autism, we are blessed to understand another side of life that has yet to be explored. We are called to be a part of God’s world through the experience of autism. Their hearts are so pure. I have learned so much from him, how to be intuitive, more sensitive, boundaries, and the deepest most unconditional love there is. my email is lovemiracles@ymail.com. Please email me. We need to be the extended families and community that we all need. Sorry so long.

June 14, 2011 at 7:51 pm
(51) Jill says:

My son at 12 had become so violent that I flinched whenever he made a quick movement. The long list of aggression, self-injurious behavior and destruction of property happened frequently every day. Although my son was smaller than these men, I lived in fear wondering what I would do when he was larger and stronger. All my searching in the traditional medical community provided absolutely no answers. I was stunned because I too had sought out and provided all the recommended therapies for my son. So what happened?

I did find an answer. It was neurotherapy or neurofeedback that actually balances the childs brain so they become more tolerant, their moods become stable, more attentive, etc. Now 3 years later, my son’s aggression is almost a thing of the past. We see an episode approximately once a week but it is greatly reduced both by intenstity and duration. I have every hope that we will get there eventually.

Parents with violent children. Don’t miss this one! It’s not well-know and hard to find providers. This website has the best descriptions and links…. http://www.centerforbrain.com/

June 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm
(52) Linda says:

Judy,
If taken long term, the drug, Risperdal, can cause Parkinson”s disease.

June 29, 2011 at 9:27 am
(53) Taz Wilson says:

I so grateful to the brave women in these stories – my HF ASD boy is 15 yrs old and so far it is only the house he punches but I live in fear of the day he will as I know he will turn on whoever is closest to him at the time. I know my son is in pain and in spite of all my experience and qualifications as a child psychologist can find no answer to this problem. Social services and Governments know of regressive Adolescence autism but hide it away from those people who need to know about it – the parents of teenager/young adult ASD’s! These same officials refuse to help and provide support, training and a future for these children. Society has failed them and it will come back to haunt them!

July 2, 2011 at 4:46 am
(54) trace says:

:í( my heart is broken.

July 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm
(55) John Carter says:

I’ve just spent the last hour recovering from a mild temper re my 15yo son with low level autism and low level ADHD. These stories are heart breaking and I can relate to all of them. We are lucky though, if we are very, very placid and non responsive, we can diffuse a situation.
Two weeks ago, I lost my temper and waded into a situation that could have been avoided. The result was utter carnage and violence from both of us, with both of us ending up battered and bruised.
Tonight, I got my reward! After being abused verbally and having a hole punched in my kitchen wall, I got out of the area ASAP. Ten minutes later, I got a smile and he asked me if I had any dinner money for tomorrow at school. He had calmed down and everything was fine!
That makes three weeks now since an all out attack. We do need therapy though. We both see a psychiatrist every month to work on strategies, but above all to be able to talk things through a third person to avoid direct conflict – and its works! There is a noticeable difference when the therapy stops.
Granted, I will probably have to maintain a very close relationship with this guy for the rest of my life. That means the next 40 years spent living in fear, walking on eggshells, having bouts of depression, being judged by outsiders, having expensive posessions smashed to pieces, having bouts of drinking too much alcohol, but I don’t care! Yes, there are times when we listen to things being broken whilst we sit and literally shake with fear. But as far as I’m concerned, that’s why I’m here on this Earth. There is noone else to do the job of looking after him, and I do it with pleasure.
However, if things were just that little bit worse, I would probably want to run away and leave the country.

November 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm
(56) nicola says:

i have a 16yr old son with cerebral palsy.are there any answers out there please to violent behaviour.he has bitten,pulled hair,thrown his baby brother of 2yr to the ground and his sister of 5yr and me.cant cope anymore.

November 24, 2011 at 1:52 am
(57) gloria garza says:

Dear Valerie I sympathize what you are going through. My 13 year old son is experiencing a very difficult time as well. But, my husband and I have a lot of faith that this is in GOD’s hands and he will take care of this!!! All I can suggest is for you to pray and ask others to pray for your son and family. We must remember that your son is GOD’s creation and you will survive and conquer with GOD on your side! He loves you very dearly and you MUST believe that!! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!

November 30, 2011 at 3:08 am
(58) Jennifer says:

I am the mother of seven beautiful children, my 12 year old son is autistic (number six). We have had violent episodes off and on throughout his life, and on occasion attacking me. Just lately, as puberty has taken hold his behavior has gotten worse and although he has not hurt anyone so far there are days that are trying for all of us who share space with him, His father and I have become increasingly worried about his violent outburst. In desperation We like so many parents have researched, read every scrap of information we could get our hands on, seen a pantheon of doctors, and just plain reached out. Yet the world of Autism is such a hard world to understand. For those of us with autistic children there is a lack of support.
I sympathize with those parents who are living with children who are overly aggressive whether they be autistic or “normal”. Every person has their breaking point.
However I am discussed by many of these post, cattle prods really people? Many people without autistic children and a few with autistic children speak about them as if they are monsters, less than animals, as if they should just be put down like a mad dog. But letís face facts, people like Mussolini, Hitler, the Columbine Shooters, The Bullies of the world, Wife beaters, Gangbangers and serial killers are not Autistic! How would they feel if their sweet beautiful baby suddenly turned violent? Would they pat their sons on the back? Would they advocate that he be put down? Would they love him less? Would he stop being their child? The difference is that my son has a brain stutter that none of us fully understand what is the excuse for all those “normal” children who kill who are violent?

November 30, 2011 at 3:09 am
(59) Jennifer says:

I empathize with those who have had to deal with this issue, I know how scary it can be to have anybody charge you meaning you harm much less your own child, I know the rush of emotions that hit you the feelings of helplessness, the need to protect yourself yet you ask how can I fight my own child. I know the shame and guilt that we as parents go through how easy it is to blame ourselves, and how easy it is for for others to look at us and blame us too. Mothers often carry the brunt of not only the self-blame but tend to be targets when our children lash out. I have been a part of 5 teenage lives, all “normal” children, yet when they have a tantrum it is me not their father that bears the brunt of their anger. Why? not because I am soft or female, but the answer is simple because in the end I am MOM and I will hold them and love them, and always forgive them. It is simply the way our society is set up. Why should it be any different for autistic children? Again the answer is simple if you cannot handle it, put your child with others who can. No judgment attached like I said earlier we all have our breaking point.
For those who advocate cattle prods, who are convinced that Autistic children become violent adults, that there is no way to mainstream them, and must be kept in controlled environments, I attach all the judgment in the world may your own personal Hell be a controlled environment with cattle prods!!!
Educate yourselves advocate for understanding purse training for yourselves, families, community, schools, and doctors. Woe to our societies who fail even the smallest of our citizens. Be the change you wish to see.

December 20, 2011 at 12:41 pm
(60) Maggie says:

There are 4 autistic children in my family. I have two boys and my daughter has a boy and girl with autism.

My older son (30) John has self-abusive outbursts so badly that I almost wish he was hitting me instead. He will slap himself in the head until it wears out. There is absolutely nothing I can do about this. If I interfere, he will push me across the room and then hit himself even more. Sometimes giving him a sedative before hand will alleviate this and sometimes it won’t. It is truly heartbreaking and I believe he picked up this behavior when he was younger in school. I think we enabled it when he was young by getting too upset over it and giving in to whatever he wanted.

My younger son has High level Autism and has great restraint when it comes to temper. I home-schooled him for most of his early years and then he went to a small, very quiet school for high school where everything was based on rewards. He is a happy and wonderful person.

My granddaughter is only aggressive sometimes, but she gets no attention for it so it is infrequent. My grandson, on the other hand is very aggressive towards my daughter, sometimes toward his siblings, often in school, but never ever toward me. I have never given in to him, even once. I think I learned my lesson with my older son of what giving attention for bad behavior can lead to. My grandson knows I have rules and that he will only be rewarded for good behavior. I know this doesn’t work with every child, but at least it does with him.

My heart goes out to everyone being beaten up by their autistic children. But if you have a young child with autism, remember that they will learn habits easily – they are great copiers. If they see another child performing a habit that gets them attention, they will do it as well. Don’t give up on your child.

January 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm
(61) Tim says:

My very sweet and normally very happy 23 year old Autistic son w/ ring 22nd chromosome. He is non verbal. He uses a communication device on an ipad2 which is going well. four years ago his mom passed away very unexpectedly and it’s been he and I ever sense w/ a day program and very support help. I am very thankful for that. Recently he has started screaming and looking at though he just saw a ghost. It started very suddenly and would happen a couple of times each morning. it’s clearly upsetting to him, because when he stops screaming his chin quivers and he tears up. It just breaks my heart to have in fear anything. Everyone loves him completely and completely support him in every way. This is just heart breaking to see him this way, and not be able to do anything to make it go away. Any suggestions ? – Thank you

January 14, 2012 at 7:21 pm
(62) Tim says:

I would like to leave my email address too so that if anyone would like to chat. feel free. TimWard04401@roadrunner.com

January 27, 2012 at 6:42 am
(63) specialchildren says:

Tim, is there any chance it could be a seizure of some sort? Might be worth asking a neurologist about. There’s a list of sites at http://specialchildren.about.com/od/seizuresandepilepsy/bb/SDresources.htm that have information about different types of seizures that might also be helpful.

January 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm
(64) Laura says:

I too have a 19 year old autisic/mild M.R./mild C.P. son he can become extremely violent. he stands 5ft10 over 200lbs, strong as a bull, we(family,case workers) have told him you don’t scare me or you don’t hurt me so he will stop. Anything can set him off, is he tired, hungry, bored, unhappy?? Who knows he is somewhat verbal, he understands basic commands and he knows what he is doing is wrong.It seems like he is in a trance of some sort when he becomes aggressive, meds hekp a little, but have not been able to find a behavioral specialist to help. I do not want him in a group home now i do not feel he is ready. HELP!!!

January 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm
(65) Anne says:

I’m concerned about the parent using Kava Kava as a sedative because it has been shown to cause liver failure. It is absolutely not true that supplements and herbs can’t cause harm. Plants aren’t trying to help us–they’re trying to defend themselves against predators by tasting bad or making predators sick.

http://nccam.nih.gov/news/alerts/kava/

If you really want to continue using unregulated products (which may even contain undisclosed prescription medications), please make sure your daughter’s doctor knows she’s using them. That way, you and your doctor can watch for early signs of liver problems and do liver function tests.

February 17, 2012 at 5:14 pm
(66) Be says:

I have 21 year old autisic son who can be as sweet as candy, but he can become aggressive.He has beat up my husband and my self,he has broken several TV,s and computers,punch holes in wall.He is on the maxium dose of medication,and has a few visit to the hospital.What do you do? I know it has to be something to help these people.

February 23, 2012 at 6:49 pm
(67) Rose says:

What are we to do? My son is 18…is there anyone, any place, anywhere that can HELP?

February 23, 2012 at 9:43 pm
(68) Jay Stern says:

Rose, can friends help? Can you talk to anyone — someone you can “vent” to? I visit this site because my best friend’s son is violently aggressive. He is now 20. I have offered to stay with the young man so my friend can have a break. He almost always declines because he is scared to death that I will be injured. On the few occasions I have stayed, my friend’s absences were very brief because of his concern. That is not helpful to him at all. Yes, I know that “talk” is not a cure, but if it can give YOU a break — just to know that someone empathizes — maybe that is enough to see you through another day.

And, like everyone writing here, there HAS TO BE a solution to autism; there just HAS to be!

February 26, 2012 at 11:44 am
(69) Kathy says:

I have a 38 yo autistic step son who is very violent. We kept him as long as we possibly could (his father and mother are not in great health). Last year we had him placed in a small group home. We had decided to do this now versus later because we wanted to be able to monitor the transition and his progress. There have been ups and downs. We nolonger get beat up when there is coughing. He would become violent with even a throat clearing. His is more violent at the home because of the rotating staffing that is so unfortunate in this kind of living situation. 2 of his 4 bedroom walls have been replastered more times than I can count. Our ongoing issue is nail cutting. Lots of luck with that one. 2 clonopin and 4 diazapan (physician’s ordered amount) put him to sleep but as soon as we touched his feet he was a raging bull. There was no holding him down or even him going back to sleep. The good thing though, is he did not hit us. Has anyone else gotten that problem solved? I am going to call a podiatrist and see if he can be sedated (proprophyl) and then get them cut.

March 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm
(70) Dawn says:

Hi everyone, I have a 14 year old son with autism that is very aggressive at times. All your stories are similar to mine and I cried reading all of your posts. My son was a normal 2 year old talking and everything until he received 5 immunizations at one time. The very next day he stopped talking and was a different child. The shots do contain mercury so I believe that all people that have autism have mercury poisoning. The statistics now are 1 of every 110 children have autism. That’s too many. Children receive more shots today than they ever did before so that’s a lot of people with mercury poisoning. This mercury settles in the organs especially the brain making an individual very aggressive. Look up Mad-hatters disease. Very similar to autism!!!! I’m working on getting the mercury out of him. The only natural thing out there is cilantro. I just started giving it to him on a regular basis but I have heard that it is a very long process to get the mercury out. I pray for easier lives for everyone that has an autistic child.

March 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm
(71) Jacqui B says:

I am sitting here balling my eyes out because my 7 year old son has recently become extremely violent and today he really beat me up. He scratched my face while ripping a huge chunk of hair out of my head then proceeded to slap my face until I pushed him away and started crying, now he’s in his room biting himself and crying, this is so sad, I don’t know what to do to get these behaviors to stop.

March 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm
(72) candi says:

i am mother of 20 year old autism daughter…i try everything calm her down and she on medicines for it..but it dont seem to help and i called the doctor and told him make her an appt see another doctor for her outburst crying biting and hiting us and herself….if anyone has any good advice feel free to write me at lowery.lynn@rocketmail.com thanks and god bless

March 31, 2012 at 11:49 am
(73) Carmellia Brown says:

I have two autistic sons: one is eight and the other one is six. My six year old is pretty good to handle but my eight year old is much more severe. He is nearly my height (he comes to my shoulders) and weighs 80 pounds. He has the worst violent moods swings that I have ever seen. He has put holes in my wall, I have had black eyes and he has injured his younger brother and older sister. I have taken him to therapies and he is on medicine (Vyvanse), but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to have to put him into a home at his young age. At the same time, I don’t want him to keep hurting us either. He is extremely strong and it is SO hard to calm him down when he has these “fits”. I am considering moving to another state so that I can get more help for him. Please, if anyone knows of some programs in Georgia or North Carolina, please share. Many thanks!

April 1, 2012 at 10:29 pm
(74) Dori Walsh says:

And here I thought I was alone! My son is 21 now and all hope of him “growing out of” the aggression has vanished. I too have not put him in a group home where I’m afraid he’ll end up so medicated as to be drooling. Giving him his space and trying my best to use visual cues and schedules helps. I’ve learned autistics like things to be predictable. Life is definitely NOT ALWAYS pedictable and glitches happen. I’ve long since given up on looking for the trigger. I pretty much know when I’m going to get it now. My son was removed from the school and put in an isolated setting to finish out his public education. Someone above wrote, “I’m afraid he/she’s going to kill me.” Basically, I’m more afraid I’m going to do myself in because there seems to be no more hope left for a semblance of a life. And the CONSTANT thoughts that I have failed him along the way and am failing him now. We are totally isolated. I’m 51 and did not end up with what I dreamed of having in life. I hide the bruises from my family. They have tried to “intervene” and get me to look at “getting rid” of my son. (When they get rid of one of their kids I’ll consider it.) Medication does help my son but be careful, medications can also cause outbursts. It messes with the dopamine and stuff in the brain. Nobody has come up with a medication to stop the aggression altogether without turning the kid into a zombie and I have wasted years trying med after med. I am SO GLAD I found this forum here and all of you who have shared your grief. Aggressive Autistics do love back. They do love us, their parent, and depend on us and deep down we know that. It’s just not enough to keep us sane. They think we’re insane!! That’s the problem! A big hug to all of you!!

April 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm
(75) Exhausted says:

I have spent the entire evening feeling so alone. Thanks for all your stories. I am recovering from my son’s outburst this evening. The bruises from the last one were just starting to heal. He has autism and at 13, he is over 6 feet tall and 200 lbs. There are pieces bitten out of my arms and hands and my breast and stomachs full of red bruises. His much smaller twin brother tried to get him off of me and got bit in the process. I sent him out of the room so he would not get hurt any further. My husband left us and a divorce is in the works. I am just coming out of a deep year long depression. I am really bothered by the comments I see on some blogs suggesting that as parents we are not doing enough. The truth is most of us have tried it all. God knows, when it comes to our kids we are often superhuman. We need support. We need an arm around our shoulder. We do not need judgement. We do not need dismissive, uneducated lectures.

April 17, 2012 at 7:56 am
(76) Spec Ed Teach says:

I started reading these comments looking for insight into these very special kids who can be very aggressive and violent at times. I am a special education teacher and I have 7 kids in my class, there are 14 in our unit. Two kids in particular are very aggressive and this can often lead to us getting hurt as teachers and sometimes other students geeting injured. Having worked with these kids for the last 10 years I have tryed everything I know. I have recently completed a masters in Autism and still I am having trouble getting to the bottom of these kids. One of our kids will be tiggered when he feels there is an injustice, he can retell you all the steps he can take to calm himself but when he is in the middle of a meltdown all that knowledge goes out the window and he becomes very aggressive. He will attack staff and students. When he has calmed down he can tell you all the things he could of done, but is not able to do this at the time. The other student becomes violent and aggressive up to 20 times a day. More often than not we can not work out the trigger. He is very violent and more often that not someone gets hurt daily. It is heart breaking to see these kids lose sooo much control. Both are beautiful kids. As I said we have done everything we know to do. School should be a fun, learning environment and for the other 12 it is. From what I have read it seems there may be nothing we can actually do otehr than support these kids the best we can.

April 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm
(77) Beth says:

My beautiful 9 year old boy (diagnosed with autism/PDD) has terrorized his little brother and I for years…punching, kicking, head-butting, pulling hair, digging his nails into us and not letting go, spitting on us, cursing, suicidal, throwing furniture and trying to break tvs, throwing heavy objects at us, breaking windows, trying to jump out of our car while I’m driving, punching me and pulling my hair while I’m driving, etc. It’s so overwhelming and scarier as he gets older/bigger. I’ve considered medication but won’t do it due to the crazy side-effects. So tired of dealing with school personnel who just don’t get it. Tired of being judged and rejected by other “perfect” parents with “normal” children who successfully participate in sports, etc. So glad to read the other comments on this site and know that we’re not the only ones struggling out here. We’re just taking it one day at a time and trusting that God will help us through this and help my little guy mature and make better choices as he gets older.

April 17, 2012 at 6:44 pm
(78) Mamacate says:

I have lived this with my just-turned -10 ASD son. We spent year’s spinning our wheels with inept “experts” who didn’t know how to deal with serious aggression in ASD or who weren’t willing to advocate for the level of intense treatment he needed. We finally found an amazing team of ABA professionals who were restraint trained (with a clear understanding of human rights and appropriate use of restraint). He has had 12 hours per day of double staffing from trained and well supervised ABA staff, same team at home and school. After having been kicked out of schools in three states (including one locked unit at a psych hospital) because of the severity of his aggression, he has now been safe at school since October and safe at home since February.

We’re not out of the woods yet, but what he needed was an intensive naturalistic behavior program WITH teaching of replacement skills that addressed his deficits (which due to high verbal IQ were often overlooked by teachers). My spouse has stopped wearing shin guards! I dealt with so many incompetent people who either minimized the issue or completely wrote him off (actually the routine was to minimize, then when presented with the behaviors, dump him). I was really scared that we would not be able to keep him at home due to safety.

All I can say is keep looking for competent people, particularly bcbas, and keep advocating for appropriate services. Don’t let people shame you because your kid has aggression. It is part of the disorder and needs treatment. My son felt so badly about hurting people, and believed that he’d end up in jail. Now he is imagining a future for himself–he wants to cure Alzheimer’s. I hope someday he will, and we will all benefit from the fact that we didn’t let them write him off.

Strength goes out from me to those who are living this. You’re heroes.

May 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm
(79) Inasy says:

Okay great. So I am not alone. Now what. Yahoo group anyone? It seems as if most of us have at least a decade’s worth of experience dealing with this nightmare. I have been through the conventional bull of drug cocktails. Now I am using diet and supplements and they are helping. But I am no where near any kind of livable compromise. If you want to connect, share, and or build a support network. Email me: inasy1973@gmail.com

Iots of hugs to each and every one who has been there and done that.

May 22, 2012 at 10:13 am
(80) SpecialEdTeacher says:

I am a special education teacher who works with individuals with autism and other developmental disabilities. I also have a 9 year old cousin diagnosed with autism who has been kicked out of school on several occasions for aggression towards adults and other children. As parents, what would you like to see happen with your children in the school setting, is there something that the school districts can be doing better? Would you attend a parent support group at your child’s school if it was offered? Thank you for any input you have.

May 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm
(81) Yolanda Young says:

I thought I was alone. I have a 12 year old son, who is almost 200 pounds and pretty tall for his age. My son was aggressive since he was about 2. We noticed that he was delayed in a lot of areas when he got in the school setting. As a toddler he would smear feces on the wall, freak out if any liquid touched him. He would go off if I wore y hair a certain way. He would scratch and hit his younger sister. I thought he would grow out of it. He hasn’t . He has hit teachers, other children, grandparents, myself and his loving sister. She is scared of him and at the same time cries for him and worries about him constantly. I put him in the hospital earlier this year for a violent attack on his sister and myself and they suspected that he is a high functioning autistic child. He is verbal and can express his feelings. However, he is highly agitated and takes a lot of his aggression out on his sister. He is now showing this aggression in the neighborhood. He can be very funny and sweet and a joy to be around. He loves to play basketball,but has a hard time dealing with name calling, and accepting losses. He has had a change in school settings and his aggression and bad language have taken a turn for the worse. I don’t know what to do, thankfully I have support from some people. However, know one truly understands, unless they live it. It’s like we always half to walk on eggshells. I live each day in fear of the next episode. He is on medications, however, he is still a handful to deal with. there has to be some help for this. I am going to change his schooling and looking for other help. I love my son and I have tried to raise him to have a good future, but it seems like it’s not enough.

May 29, 2012 at 9:49 am
(82) amy howard says:

I too will loose my beautiful son because sooner or later he will harm one of his siblings during an act of violence. Violent behavior is nothing new for him, however he is now 18 years old and has crossed the line from harming himself and dismantling our home to harming others. We are no using medication because the benefit outweighs the risks of not doing so, still this has only decreased the frequency while the severity continues to increase. meticulous management of his environment to avoid exacerbation is the only thing that has allowed us to keep him at home with us this long and now it is failing as well. I am ashamed to say that I am afraid of my own son but I so desperately do not want to place him in an alternate setting. My heart is breaking.

May 30, 2012 at 3:14 pm
(83) Maureen says:

When an educationally sub normal man of thirty eight abuses his mother verbally mentally and physically so that she is a mental and physical wreck, why are their no powers to protect her. It is always HIS rights that social workers speak of whilst giving him permission to do nothing he does not want to – interpreted as ‘I can do as I like.’ Even Woman’s Aid admits that it is a grey area and all sympathies are with this man. Where is the legislation to protect parents rights? When are the parent’s rightts going to be recognised? Is a mother not entitled to live her life free from the fear of her violent adult son?

June 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm
(84) Jodi Smith says:

Wow. Just when you think you’re the only parent… Amazingly I’m not. I’m at the end of my rope also. My son is 24 and has been hospitalized 3 times since last October. The police have been involved more than I can count now and the damage and self abuse ( not to mention the abuse on others) has increased drastically since his birth. He is verbal and lives in a little house only 22 miles from us. He goes thru staff to often and ends up being alone the majority of time. I hate this!!! There is no help. There will never be a place in society for these beautiful. people. My heart is broken. There is no hope. At least right now.

June 8, 2012 at 6:00 pm
(85) Stephanie says:

I have just found this page while searching for residential facilities – which is ridiculous because the only way we could afford such a thing is to sue the country school system. My son is 17 with moderate cerebral palsy and autistic “tendencies,” including OCD and extreme behaviors. He has become violent (at times) since he returned to school last year – sending one care giver to the ER. It takes three people to hold him down (to prevent bodily harm to himself and us). When I finally had to give in and call 911 once, the doctor had to release the 1013 order (72 hour eval) because NO FACILITY in the entire State of Georgia would take him. I wanted to get him off of all his meds, and there is NO FACILITY that will supervise this. I have to take him to Texas, so I am told. I am 56 with fibromyalgia and bad arthritis, and I spend every other day wrestling with my son. I am bruised and cut all over. It is ridiculous. No one can help. And no mother should have to fight to survive attacks because there are no facilities that can help. So, I am now looking for a specialized attorney to help me take it to court. Anyone been through this process? These facilities cost about $200K per year.

June 18, 2012 at 4:31 pm
(86) Scarletta says:

Ive just found thus website – thankfully . Reading through all your comments , I don’t know where to start. My elderly parents are going through hell , the house next door -and not separated by anything other than a shared wall now is home to 2 female adults with severe Autusm and terrifying behavioural problems. My parents are in their 75/76yr and live in fear and misery due to the screaming , shouting and risk of violence to them – the so called carers are terrible , they treat the two females dreadfully – no one cares . It’s get them out into the community , private houses run by private companies
My elderly father is now severely depressed and verging on suicide
So there’s another side to all this stuff
My dear friend also has a son, age 24 , tall , heavy, and tonight his violence erupted – he has Autusm , manic depression and no amount of adjusting his meds or therapy helps when he kicks off
Tonight he’s beaten up his father and half destroyed a kitchen
Family pets are terrified , his sister is going off the rails
It’s a terrible situation

June 19, 2012 at 11:57 am
(87) Clarence F. Crawley Jr. says:

I am a grandfather of a autistic boy age six that lives with me and my wife. For the last three weeks he as contantly taking off is clothes with the diaper. He is not toliet train. He also bites and pulls hair.We are lookint for solutions to this behavior with no help in sight. If you have any solutions please e mail me. This seems so hopeless with no verbal communciations with him.

June 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm
(88) Michele says:

I have a 19 year old son with high functioning autism who can be aggressive and he also damages property. He has been in jail twice in last year, I am at my wit’s end, I have people involved to help him but he gets very anxious at appointments and will hit and then the professionals get scared and wont see him again., I am so depressed and frustrated.

July 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm
(89) Burak says:

Dear Valerie,
You are not alone, believe me. İt has been almost twenty years since my sister became violent and she was a such a lovely girl back then. She can speak, read and is capable of doing a lot of things yet she is violent.

August 30, 2012 at 12:38 pm
(90) Joan Lawson says:

My friend has an Autistic 22 year old. He is 6′ and weighs 180lbs. I am afraid he will someday hurt her or his younger brother really bad. He bites, hits and pushes them both. Lately he has been trying to touch her sexually and gets extremely angry. He was reciently sexually abused by a caregiver. This is still being investigated. I am scared that eventually she will have to put him into a Home. He was a very sweet loving and gentle untill this happened. I am sure he is angry and can not express his anger. Has anyone ese experienced this. We would be very grateful if someone has some idea about how to handle this situation.

September 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm
(91) Sharon says:

My son is 16 and has become increasingly aggressive since the onset of puberty. We have been doing an ABA program since he was 2. He is at the severe end of the spectrum so we have had limited success with academic gains but still have made more progress than we could have hoped for. We are fortunate to have ABA tutors still coming every day and a team of doctors trying to find the best medication to help before he turns 18 and falls into the “black hole” of adult services. Despite all this (and after reading the above posts), I have little hope of a positive outcome. At the moment, the rages are directed at propery rather than us(windows, laptops, TV, tables, doors, walls). We are unable to physically challenge the outbursts as this most certainly is a recipe for escalating aggression. I’m very grateful that my daughter is about to leave for University (so that’s one of us safe!). I have tried countless biomedical interventions with no success. What I am most surprised about is that when researching Autism when he was little, I didn’t see any information on adolescent aggression. Why are we not warned that this is a likely outcome so that we can somehow prepare? Why are there not more research studies in how to best manage this? Why are there not more respite facilities, training opportunities, government campaigns to support families? How come all I can find is a big fat nothing? I love my son with every fibre of my being. He has always been my first thought when I wake and the last thought before I sleep. I want his life to be good, not just existing. I also have the well meaning people asking what will we do when he crosses the line to the point that we cannot look after him. We have no local facilities, there is no funding so I HAVE NO IDEA….
Taking each day as it comes is the best I can manage for now. Love and big hugs to you all, good to know we’re not alone xx

September 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm
(92) Allyson Black says:

I wrote a couple of years ago, I still haven’t found any answers. My son has now been 5 years in a short stay hospital bed, he may soon get a flat which will be in a small group setting and will be autism specific. Everyone involved in his care knows the introduction will take at least a year and that this will probably involve a few re-admissions to hospital under section.
He is currently on Lithium and epilium as he also has a mood disorder and suffers from absence seizures.
He was on other medications but developed neuroleptic malignant syndrome so having many of the anti-psychotic drugs are barred due to the risk of re-occurence. For large parts of the time my son is sweet and loving I have him home every second weekend for 2 or 3 nights. I have managed to take him away on holiday a few times for 4 nights and they have been very successful.
The potential for violence and actual attacks occur, he has times when he is calm and well and other times when he is very unsettled, especially when there are staff changes in the unit he stays in just now.
I understand the parents who talk about a cattle prod. If I thought that would help I would use one. When you are talking about keeping him safe and keeping yourself and others safe if it was that simple I would do it.
I love my son very much, he loves me, the autism makes him very controlling and he also spends a lot of his time unhappy its a cruel disorder. I want to keep him safe and save him from being locked up in Carstairs or Broadmoor. If a cattle prod did that and stopped him from being violent I would do that.
Autism sucks.

September 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm
(93) Steve says:

Try kava kava.The transformation in my son has been miraculous. give it with theanine for calm brain function and with milk thistle, taurine and glycine for liver support. You will be amazed.

September 14, 2012 at 2:43 am
(94) Teacher therapist says:

I am a coach for adults with Autism, severe to moderate. One of my clients portrays aggressive behaviours as well, scratching, clawing and hitting with no triggers. Being extremely sensitive and easily overwhelmed, his temper and aggression can go off almost daily. I feel for all parents and families who have to go through such tough life everyday, to live in fear and caution every single day is indeed not an easy life. The pain of having to worry and fear for your child’s future, as well as your own, is beyond words. Yet if we give up, there will be no one to fight for your child anymore. The only comfort i take is the brief moment of eye contact and recognition and love the child gives me after every episode.
With medication and daily practice, teaching ways to release their anger and having a hobby are ways to improve the situation. Though its a long hard battle, lets all do what we can, as long as we can.

September 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm
(95) Sharon says:

To Steve (hope you’re still revisiting this page). I’d be very interested to know more about kava kava etc. Could you provide a link for advice on dosage & contra-indications etc. Many Thanks & so very pleased to hear that things worked so well for your son.

September 18, 2012 at 12:04 pm
(96) specialchildren says:

Sharon, I don’t know if Steve will be back, but you can find information on kava kava from About.com’s guide to Alternative Medicine at http://altmedicine.about.com/od/kava/p/kava.htm.

September 29, 2012 at 4:28 pm
(97) Deena says:

I am so glad that you all shared your stories. I, too, am now going through this absolute HELL with my son. I could’ve NEVER imagined that it would get this way. He has always been autisitic due to an underlying neurological disorder called tuberous sclerosis. He is non verbal and low functioning. Since the age of 6 he has exhibited aggressive tendencies, but NOTHING could prepare me for the turn he took this spring. Right before his 16th birthday, he started these violent rages! Directed all toward me….mom. I never in my life could have imagined this. It’s different that just aggression……no, this is much darker and “evil” ……when he attacks me now, he wants to hurt me. It’s almost like an obsession. He even says “hit mommy” all day long even when I’m not home. I’ve never been afraid of my son…..ever, but I AM afraid of whatever this is that is turning him violent. It’s psychotic and very scary. We’ve tried getting help, but as you can all attest to…there is none :( The hospitals won’t even keep him because he needs one on one support and they are not equipped for it. Even my psychiatrist said the most they will do is drug him to sedate him and send him home. My husband and I feel helpless and so alone. There should be more help! Autism is NOT going away. When my son was born , it was 1 in 500…..what happens when the “1 in 88″ reach puberty??? Why is this violence and aggression not studied more??? Something more has to be done!

October 4, 2012 at 4:58 am
(98) Jill says:

I think your all begining to realize that something is not right about autism. Didn’t God give us all free will? How can you look at your childs behavior, and your life with your child and think this is free will. It is not I don’t believe God has anything to do with autism, and even kids who have natural disabilities don’t cost this much, wreck homes, or hurt people or themselves. God would not have a commandment of thou shalt not kill, and then give you a child who could one day kill you without reason. My prayers have been answered it is poison doing this to these kids either by vaccines, or chemtrail spraying for those who refuse to get vaccines. Some kids have a genetic tendency, and weak immune system that makes them more likely to get autism. The label for autism is really a coverup for poisoning. The brain is being extremely damaged by the poison no therapy can remove that. Eventually the violent behavior shows up once the brain can not function correctly. Test for toxins what do you all have to lose at this point prove all these people wrong one day this will all get out. They can’t lie very long the truth does set all of us free.

October 5, 2012 at 12:38 pm
(99) Christine says:

I am glad I found this site. I am also glad to know that it’s not just my son – I’m not alone!! My boy/man is 19, about 260 and almost 6 feet tall. He was doing great up until a couple years ago. I beleive that his aggressive behaviors began at puberty. He will pinch/squeez his upper arms and chest area until they are black/blue/purple – as he’s doing this he’s clenching his teeth, tensing his body, and his face and eyes are turning blood red. He’s recently been catching me off guard and getting my arms, as well as my 9 year old’s arms. There is no trigger for this aggression. I cannot pinpoint anything – up until recently. My guy is a “food seeker” (has even snuck into neighbors’ home to eat up). About two months ago my husband and I decided it’s time to lock it up. The fridge in the garage, the freezer in the basement. He has access to carrots, apples, nectarines, plums – healthy stuff – in the kitchent fridge which he has access to. I’d rather him pinch/squeeze than have to give him injections for diabetes. PS – If you don’t laugh – you’ll cry. Take a deep breath and keep on going!

October 10, 2012 at 1:56 am
(100) Mary says:

What should I have done when my 19 year old autistic niece became angered and started biting and hitting me? To stop her, I just held her tightly and asked her to stop (and to apologize). When she continued hitting and biting me, I said I would call the police if she didn’t stop. (I don’t have training in working with autism, so I didn’t know what else to do.) Her grandparents are elderly and said I should have let her go – and that I really set her off when I said I would call the police. (I was trying to keep her from hurting her grandmother when she became so angry!) I say she was lucky that all I did was hold her tightly in my arms- anyone else untrained in dealing with autism probably would have hit her back in self defense! I’ve been told to let her be – let her do what she wants. But what if someone else (like me) doesn’t know any better and “makes the mistake” of saying she can’t do or have something that she wants? Since this occurs in life, what will happen to her? I’m so glad she hurt me and not someone else – because if she bit and hit anyone else she may have been beaten back, or in prison now. Afterwards she cried. She’s angry, frustrated and cannot understand. My cuts and bruises will heal soon, but my broken heart may never heal. What are we doing as a society to help people with autism? What should I have done when she was biting and hitting me? What can I do to help now?

October 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm
(101) specialchildren says:

Saw a site this week that may be of interest to some of the folks posting here — Autism After 16. According to the “About Us” page: “Autism After 16 is dedicated to providing information and analysis of adult autism issues, with the emphasis on analysis. Anyone can Google ďautism + adultsĒ and discover a vast array of programs, documents, and products. Our intention here is to try to help adults with ASD and their families make sense of whatís out there.”

October 22, 2012 at 10:48 am
(102) leelou says:

I work in a school for autistic children and young adults from the ages of 4 – 19 years old.
All but one of these 53 pupils are routinely or have been violent.
I’m not saying all are.
I am stating a fact in my place of work.

November 24, 2012 at 3:53 pm
(103) Erin says:

I have an 8 yr old son with a dual diagnosis of Down Syndrome and Autism. He has been aggressive since he was 3 yrs old. We have tried about 9 different meds. He is currently on 4 mg of Intuniv, 1 mg of Resperidal & 50mg of Amantadine. He has been described as having tendencies of a child w/ Tourettes Syndrome. He has violent outbursts of hair pulling( I mean pulling out of your head, chunks of hair at a time) that will last for about 2 months then go away for 2-3 months then reoccur. It’s so puzzling. We’ve tried conv. therapies & now ABA therapy. I don’t see much change in the behavior but verbally, he’s doing better. I thought he was the only one w/ the hair pulling issues but now I see not. I like to read the stories but it saddens me there is no answer. I have a 6 yr. old daughter who has endured so much pain from the hair pulling. I have a bag of her hair that I am saving for her therapist when she gets older(lol) because I know she will need it. I am a prisoner in my own home. He is paranoid of other people, we can’t go anywhere w/ him. Allyson…Autism does suck. I don’t even say my son has Downs anymore, the Autism has come full swing. I don’t think vaccinations caused it, I just can’t explain what it is. This is the hardest thing to live with. My husband and I have no life, everythingr revolves around him. The only answer I see in the future is putting him in a group home. I live in Louisiana and for me the closest home from New Orleans is about 3 1/2 hours away in Alexandria. That is the hardest for me. It’s not an easy drive. I wish there was a miracle drug, I’d give my right arm for it.

December 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm
(104) kate collins says:

its hard have been with my 27yr old autistic relation all day hes been self harming and attacking me most of the day he wanted to go xmass shopping for himself again told him he had to wait till later and all hell broke loose hole in wall mirror broken bruises all over me cut his hand had to give him another rispodrol as doctor told us calmed down after two hours and me locked in bathroom jonny gets wound up at xmass carnt take it him behavior gets better end of january thinking of all parents x carers now

December 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm
(105) Carol says:

I work one-to-one with a 6yr old autistic boy who over the last year has become more and more violent. He pinches, scratches, pulls hair, head butts, kicks….all while laughing his head off, as if he is having a manic episode? He has melt downs but when theres occur he only ever tries to hurt himself by banging his head with his hands or on the floor. So far he has only hurt myself and a few other adults that work with him but i worry that he will soon start to hurt the other children too. One day he was pinching me so hard and would not let go i pinched him back to try and get him off me. I have felt incredibly guilty about this ever since and cant get it out of my mind. I reacted in frustration and will not do that again. I do worry though what will happen as he gets older and bigger?

January 3, 2013 at 6:28 am
(106) coruŮa rosas says:

i dont know what to do anymore my handicap daughter is getting really bad.she comes home from her program very bad..starts crying.hitting me bitting me pulling my hair. Its getting worse every day.it even happens at night…I tell her to stop but it just gets worse..she even slaps me.I cry every night.I love her.I feel she dosnt love me..

January 10, 2013 at 2:20 pm
(107) Maggie says:

I have 2 sons with Autism, the youngest actually is high-functioning, the older extreme. My daughter also has a son and daughter with autism. My older son has tantrums and hits himself, but never anyone else. My other son is sweetness and light and knows how to voice his disappointments and anger without resorting to anything near violence.

My granddaughter had tantrums as a toddler, but never does now. Some of these would include scratching or hair pulling – but is quiet and reserved now, and has learned sign language and uses an ipad for communication as well. This has helped her behavior a lot. My grandson who is 10 sometimes strikes out, but only when he is afraid or really frustrated.

I think we have the perfect family to show that Autistic children and adults are like anyone else, individuals. Having a child with autism takes a lot of patience and love, but it’s nothing to be afraid about. Most bad behaviors can be controlled with patience. Some children, however, exhibit behavior at times that can only be controlled or medicated.

February 25, 2013 at 1:16 pm
(108) Katie says:

Many have found the gluten-free, casein-free diet to help with those with autism.

It helped my ADULT sister with autism immensely. She is probably on the severe side–verbal but with echolalia; gets frustrated when pressed for a sensible answer to a question; worst of all violence, screaming, and wetting herself.

However, the violence and screaming have improved SO MUCH since she was put on the gluten-free, casein-free diet. I know this does not help everyone, but it will help some. Please, please, please give it a try if you haven’t yet. (And even if you have, take a close look to make sure you didn’t miss something the last time, like allowing the person to have spelt. It has to ALL be eliminated.)

I would recommend Unraveling the Mystery of Autism and PDD by Keryn Seroussi, and you may certainly email me at any time with questions (katiecrystal23@yahoo.com).

I pray that God will open doors for those who are still suffering such horrors. I know that the trial of having a violent handicapped member is without compare, and I know how frustrating it is when others act like it’s not a big deal.

(P.S. I applaud the grandmother who doesn’t give in to the granddaughter’s violence and fits. Too often, in trying to navigate this whole morass and not knowing what else to do, parents–at least mine–tend to adopt a “Don’t rock the boat” approach, expecting everyone else to anticipate every trigger, rather than expecting the child or adult to exercise one iota of self-control. Yes–absolutely right–we don’t want to be making lunch at 8:00 a.m. I know that “It’s not that easy” and all of that–but at some point, we have to acknowledge the fact that they, like us, will persist in behaviors that get them what they want. Don’t give them what they want to calm them down when they tantrum or hurt you. Ever. Ever. Ever. It isn’t right for you, for the others who have to deal with them, for their future.)

March 26, 2013 at 10:52 am
(109) bobbie stozicki says:

my 26year old daughter has mood swings seizures melt downs nonverbal .with melt downs i lock myself in my bedroom until she calms down .if she sees me she will not calm down.also sad to say you have to intimidate them.

April 7, 2013 at 5:09 am
(110) LambOfGod says:

Wow. So many stories, so many lives turned upside down. Here I’am crying my eyes out, trying to figure out why it’s so dang hard for my 18 year old sons Psych to find the right med to help my child not be so violent, aggressive and combative. Continuous med changes later, my son is doubling in size and meaner than hell. Nothing has helped. I totally feel Lynette’s pain. I believe her, no, there isn’t much of any kind of help for us. Believe me….living proof. My son attacks his father the most. Especially when my son is mad at me, he directs it toward his dad. But lately I’ve been getting the brunt of it. Lovely hand prints on my cheeks from getting slapped, bruises on my chest and back from getting slugged. Why do I not call the police? Simple, they will SHOOT HIM. They will probably shoot him. He’s 200+ lbs and strong as a bull. To Angela, who I bet has NO children…not be afraid you say? Lol! When 200+lbs of pure crazy comes charging at you, ready to destroy whatever is in his line of vision, you tell US to ot be afraid? Naw, be very afraid…we put up with this because we love our children. My father hates to see the agony myself and family is ping through and said its time for alternative placement…I too know that means his fate will be seclusion and to be overly medicated. But our life right now is pathetic at best. Why can’t anyone help? We did b mod, we did try nutrients and special diets and therapy and positive reinforcements and everything else…but this rage after puberty is WAY beyond all that. Sorry for saying, I feel sad and bad for the parents of the new autistics…I remember being like them…oh Autism is a blessing!!! Oh, my child is special and I feel blessed! OMG…I can’t believe I said that too!!! All the seminars, speaking engagements, parental groups etc. I feel like an idiot. No one ever told me what I was potentially in store for. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE MY SON!!!

April 7, 2013 at 5:30 am
(111) Tatiana says:

@Katie Last night I denied my 20 year old son his breakfast for dinner and got the devil beat out of me…sooooo, guess what? When Mikhail (Mikey) wants pancakes at 1:00 am he will get his pancakes at 1:00 am….because just me caring for him. His father died 2 years ago. And he is 3x’s my size and growing…and I don’t want to get beat. I tried EVERYTHING!!! I too was parent who said “oh, what a blessing autism is!!! Yay yay yay…” Wow, I feel like idiot. I love this guy. I love him so much. He has moments of goodness and love, but many of rage and anger. He has stomach issues with bowels and I know this is not helpful to his attitude. Right? I too did behavior mod, special diets, supplements, you name it. Little help now for this craziness. His doctor is conservative with medication. We did a change, for worse I must say. He is way worse now. No sleep, everything is out of sync. No one can help me…no one cares anymore for adult child. It’s so frustrating and lonely. We are very alone here. No one knows what to do. I’m so sad.

April 11, 2013 at 2:08 pm
(112) Gary says:

I have been reading with interest some of the comments here and it compelled me to add my own I have a 14 year old step son who is going through puberty there are times when he canít get his own way or one of his siblings dos something he do,s not like or when either myself or their mother is trying to deel with our twin sons he tries to take matters in to his own hands he is frequently told not to get involved most of the time he will just try to mimic me telling the twins off also he calls them son or he will refer to them as my sons when he is trying to confront me about punishing them when he knows they are not but there has been times when he is being punished for something he will through things or lash out or kick one occasion he was sent to his room to ď cool down ď he headed towards his room then deliberately went over and pushed his younger brother and stormed off. There has bee times when I have had to restrain him from hurting his mother as I am afraid he will hurt his mother she has had several hernia surgeryís I have warned his mother he will one day hurt her but she tells me I have a special bond with him he would not hurt me but I believe in time I will be proved correct in this matter I know many of you are unwilling or afraid to place your child in to a mental instate but there are laws which can be used for short term relief also here in the us a child can be charged with domestic abuse if they are abusive to the parent or siblings

April 18, 2013 at 10:48 pm
(113) Heather says:

My daughter is 18 years old, sleeps only 3 hours a night, and spends the remaining 21 hours of the day screaming, breaking things, hurling objects, and beating all of us up. She’s been on a long list of meds, we’ve tried a variety of therapies, and she sees a psychiatrist. This is our life, sad as it is….lonely, ostracized, helpless, and broken. This is as good as it gets for us. Others seem to be more fortunate. For those who question parenting skills, I also have a 20 year old daughter, who excels in college, will have a couple degrees in only three years, is more responsible than most adults I know, and devotes all her spare time to her little sister.

April 30, 2013 at 7:19 pm
(114) Muriel Bundley says:

I have a 29yr old autistic son who is becoming more and more abusive. I don’t know what causes these act but I think one day he may seriously hurt me . He seems to attack me and he has this look in his eyes that would frighten you. I love my son so much and I am so frighten for him because I don’t know what happening to him. He is a very loving person when he is not doing this. He is always kissing me and giving me hugs. But it like he snaps. Can anyone tell me if they are experiencing anything like these attacks

May 9, 2013 at 2:12 pm
(115) Donna says:

I was searching for any help with my 23 year old son who was not getting out of bed, became totally incontinent after being continent since the age of 12. We had to take food in his room and feed him since he would not get out of bed. He lost weight and became manic, finally getting out of bed but walking in circles constantly and never sleeping or sitting down. He would sit on the side of his bed and drift off and fall forward on his knees..our sweet Sophie kept watch over him every night and when he would fall she would bark to alert us. He was switched to another antipsychotic and my husband and I saw no difference. I was constantly searching for answers since my son was becoming increasingly violent and my husband and I were wondering how much longer we could go on. I found the article by Ann and immediately switched my son to Lorazopam and the change was miraculous!! I wish every parent of a defiant child could see the change and know there is hope with a little pill for anxiety…He also takes trazedone at night to help him sleep. Today was the first day in 5 months that he made a mad dash for the bathroom and we wept with joy. There is a condition called Autism Catatonia that we found explained so much of what was going on with our son. They say 17% of the autism population suffers from it but I think it is much higher. Please look it up and see if the treatment helps you as much as it did my son. Wishing you hope.

May 10, 2013 at 8:31 am
(116) David says:

I am so glad to see people here willing to call an autistic child brutally attacking parents or siblings “abuse”, because that’s exactly how I feel about it. I love my autistic son to death but I had to put him into care after he became violent. His siblings both have scars that were dealt by him, and my wife and I both wear dentures because he bashed our front teeth in.

This might sound harsh but we’ve always taken the firm view that our autistic son’s right to expect our love and help and support did not give him the right to blight the lives of his siblings. When you have a teenage boy who can overpower anyone in the house prone to these fits of absolutely volcanic rage, you don’t have a safe home environment, and my wife and I both agreed that both we and our other children have an absolute right to be safe in our own home which nobody – not even our beloved son – can be allowed to erode.

May 15, 2013 at 2:50 am
(117) Goten says:

I just thought I should voice my opinion about a strange phenomenon that I have stumbled upon well doing my research about Autism and how it affects me personally. I know this may sound a little strange but itís true that many autistics myself included act up big time on a full moon. I discovered the moon connection by accident when I noticed each time I went bonkers just happened to be during a full moon. Many parents claim that their autistic children act weird during the full moon as well. Fortunately I have managed to overcome that problem. I have no idea what part the moon played in this all I know is that every time it happened to me was during a full moon and the result was I would run around the house making all kinds of crazy noises and jump up on the furniture like a wild monkey no pun intended.

May 15, 2013 at 2:54 am
(118) Goten says:

I used to have a very bad temper that caused me to lose it and start trashing things around the house. I was at my wits end because Iím a gentle person by nature who doesnít like being forced to destroy my own belongings and worse yet vandalize things that didnít belong to me. I spent many hours researching my problem and discovered that the male hormone testosterone plays a major part in aggressive behavior and it was then I realized what needed to be done. The end result was I got the medical surgery I needed and became a eunuch and guess what the fits of rage that affected me as much as two times a month disappeared altogether. I havenít had a fit of rage in over two years and as a result I havenít broken anything in over four years. The best part is I do not take any psychotic medication and am living a pretty much normal life. Let me tell you firsthand that drugs like Risperdal and Ritalin do not work; in fact they only make things worse. The only thing that worked for me was to become a eunuch which means no more testosterone being created in my system. That isnít all other good things happened after my surgery as well for starters my prickly heat skin rash that used to make my skin feel like it was covered in fiberglass went away altogether and even the male pattern baldness that was causing me to lose my hair reversed itself. Those three ailments caused me much grief and I would have sacrificed my masculinity to free me from any one of them. I give God all the credit for helping me discover the cause of my problem, and then providing a way for me to be delivered from it :)

May 16, 2013 at 1:54 am
(119) Evangelical Gokuism says:

I know this may sound strange but please donít take it personally because I just happen to be autistic myself. I couldnít help but notice the striking similarities between Autism and the Saiyan race depicted in the popular Japanese anime Dragon Ball Z. Saiyans are outwardly very similar to that of Humans, with the exception of their monkey-like tails. Saiyans are typically very aggressive with short explosive tempers and they tend to be very brash when voicing their opinion. Saiyans naturally possess exceptional strength, far greater than that of humans and they also have much faster reflexes than an average Human. Saiyans are also noted as having bad table manners and a ravenous appetite to boot. The Saiyan’s lifespan is about the same as an average Human 70 years, with exceptions, of course. Unlike Humans, Saiyans remain in their youth and prime much longer. Saiyans also have a very keen sense of smell and their hearing is very acute. Most Saiyans tend to stick to a strict routine and appear to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. Saiyans also act up big time every time there is a full moon and cover a similar spectrum to that of autistic people ranging from high functioning savants all the way down to severe mental disability. Anyone who has researched autism will immediately recognize that many of the traits the Saiyans are depicted with just happen to be identical to most of the key factors associated with autism minus the tail of course.

May 23, 2013 at 10:21 pm
(120) Mary Brown says:

My heart goes out to this mother. It is high time people realize that some autistic adults have a real problem with violence. Pretending that it does not exist does more harm than good. What does a parent do when the violence is escalating, there are no clear or obvious triggers and the violence is directed at both parents and teachers? What do parents do when they are as afraid of the side-effects of the anti-psychotic drugs as they are of the violence? Are there any answers out there? Saying that recognizing this reality gives autism a bad name is rubbish. The problem exists. What does one do to solve it? The violence prone adult autistic is getting stronger and stronger and the parents are growing older and weaker. How can the violence be stopped?

May 30, 2013 at 4:01 pm
(121) Rosario says:

I have a 26-year old autistic daughter. She has episodes of aggression and uncontrollable rage. She has also threatened to kill me on several occasions. I know that she has a mental disability and I am getting her the help she needs!

June 1, 2013 at 7:32 pm
(122) Jeanne says:

My 28 year old daughter has a large deletion of Chromosome 16. She has many health problems including autism. She is about on the level of a 4 year old. When she went into puberty she became very violent. She slept between 45 minutes and and hour and a half for a year and a half. Thought I would lose my mind. We had to install key locks on our doors because she would go outside and to the neighbors houses in the middle of the night. I began sleeping beside her to keep an eye on her. A lot of the time I would barely fall asleep to be suddenly awakened by a slap on the face of her pulling on my neck. As a result, I have been diagnosed with Dystonia and uncontrollable muscle spasms and pain. When my daughter was awake during that 1 1/2 yrs. she was screaming non stop. Doc called it PMDD, basically a severe form of PMS. The psychiatrist put her on anti-psychotics. They made her worse. I researched online as much as possible. I found a study done on using Estrogen on patients with combative dementia and sent a copy of the report to the gyenocologist. He said we could try Estrace patches to see if it would help. My daughter immediately became my sweet little girl again. She was allergic to all the estrogen patches so we had to put her on the pills. They didn’t work as well and we had to give her a large dose to get the same effect. This caused heavy bleeding and anemia. Long story short, the doc did a full hysterectomy on my daughter so we could give her as much Estrace as she needed. Friends, I have been worried about the long-term effects of all this Estrace. I have felt guilty about giving her between 6-8 mg of estrogen per day since the yr. 2001. But bottom line: it works most of the time (although we do have an occasional breakthrough aggression which we treat by upping the estrogen temporarily). If my daughter wasn’t on the large dose of Estrace one or both of us would be in an institution. Thanks for listening.

June 1, 2013 at 7:43 pm
(123) Jeanne says:

One more comment please: We tried all the natural herbs on the market. Also tried a strict diet of natural foods and no sugar. That did nothing to help. I can remember having to wrap my body around my daughters to stop her from hurting herself or others. My daughter was ninety something pounds at the time but soooooo strong. I am the same height as my daughter and not a lot larger. I can’t imagine what you Moms and Dads do with a full grown son who is much larger. My heart goes out to you.

June 1, 2013 at 7:47 pm
(124) Jeanne says:

Question: Has anyone else experienced PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)? We indeed have been to battle not unlike what soldiers experience.

June 6, 2013 at 6:26 pm
(125) Kay Froese says:

I have a 22 year old grandson who is autistic. It has been a fight for my daughter since day one. He is now in a group home as the family could no longer handle him 24/7. To make a long story short, we do not know where to go anymore. So my daughter and I have started prayer groups for special needs children and adults. We meet a different locations on Wed. at 1:00p.m. We now pray for over 120 special needs loved ones by name. We
have small prayer groups around the country joining us. If you would like to add your loved one to our prayer list or would like to join us in the effort please contact me at Kayfroese@rocketmail.com. James 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” This is serious and we must have faith and belief our God can help, that we need to lift these special needs ones up to Him on a regular basis. “Pray for a miracle, Expect a miracle, Receive a miracle.:

June 16, 2013 at 2:01 am
(126) Ilya Tseglin says:

My son Nate – Asperger’s sydnrome- finished middle school on Honor roll with excellent behavior. However the Poway School District Special education started a was with the family since they were asked the services to improve his social, communication skiils. The teacher send a false report to CPS and Nate was kidnapped from his famlly and first time in 2007 and placed in mental hospital. He was severely abused there by inforcing him on psycho-drugs, isolation, restrains, beating, sexual assault. (Google and seearch ” Nate Tseglin”.) “Child abuse by the government” by Steven Greenhut in OC Register.
The Social Services and the system abused him and neglected severely and created a monster from a child with a special needs. In 2012 the social worker from OCRC sent a new false report and Nate was illegally kidnapped from his family and placed in mental hospital College Hospital in Cerritos again. Again he was neglected and abused. No one from the system care: Social services, DA,, Regional Center, police, court system. Indeed, the system made from Asperger’s syndrome gifted and obedient person a master. Of course they blame the family. Please, contact itseglin@gmail.com

August 14, 2013 at 2:33 pm
(127) anonymous1 says:

I’m autistic/Asperger and am currently 29 years old. I had problems with violence as a child, which got ramped up around age 13/14. I also ended up having a psychotic break which brought more severe violence at 14, but after that I had a sharp decrease in violence, to the point where I haven’t lifted a finger against anyone in years. So some of us do improve.

September 7, 2013 at 2:09 am
(128) Lisa says:

I have a 15 year old son with autism and he can be very violent. I am afraid of him. He displays behaviors that I never new could be possible. I’ve seen him rip off his cloths with his teeth and bite his flesh off, hit his head till he bleeds, eat objects such as the wall, he takes off running, and hits anyone who gets near him. However, just this month he stared hitting me, pulling my hair, and attacking me. He tries to rip my cloths, slaps me, and any object he can get his hands on he throws them at me. He gets up at night and walks throughout the house. I’m afraid to sleep I fear for my life. His brothers have confessed that they are afraid, so I aloud them to live with my mother. I’ve fell too my knees just begging God to have mercy on him and my family. Like many of you I have searched for help from doctors, but have been turned away because they don’t understand or know what to do. I’ve taken him many times to the emergency room where he usually gets sedated and send home. Then I’m back to square one. My son is no longer in school because he hit the teacher and several other school staff. Everyone is afraid of him including the doctors. I’v seen the fear in there eyes. Sadly there is no help. There is something bigger going on in autism the world doesn’t understand. What is it really? All I know is that I’m terrified.

September 11, 2013 at 8:45 pm
(129) Marie says:

I work very closely with extremely violent autistic children and I have to say out of observation most of them know if they get violent they can have what they want weather it’s sweets or even dangerous items I blame the families of these children because they are soo terrified of getting hit they allow these children to practically run the house hold and many families refuse to medicate them just so they can be manageable now I’m not saying dope your kids up but what I am saying is when numerous healthcare providers are terrified to come into your home even doc are terrified then its not them it’s the kid I’ve been stabbed bite to the point of flesh coming off TVs thrown at me all kinds of stuff inflicted by these autistic children and I have to say though I love them all dearly their needs to be boundaries and limitations as to how far they are allowed to go and not hide them under the “they are special and can’t help it” clause sorry if I sound harsh but it’s a harsh reality with some of these children

October 5, 2013 at 10:29 am
(130) RJ Moore says:

As an undiagnosed Spectrumite who has dealt with a lifetime of depression, alienation and anxiety as a result of my condition (and especially as a result of the total ignorance and lack of sympathy most people have toward my condition) I have been dealing with meltdowns and freak-outs forever. A major cause is that people expect things from you – social acceptability, employability, academic performance – that you are not able to deliver for reasons they are unable or unwilling to understand. Being pressured to do the impossible overloads are already high-stress/low-coping cognitive faculties and in such circumstances meltdownds are INEVITABLE. I myself suffer from frequent meltdowns and a near constant suicidal depression. The worst part is that even now that I am almost certain of my AS condition the social services simply DO NOT EXIST to help adult Asperger’s surfferers and my family still believe that ‘somehow’ I ought to be able to ‘get a job’, when I can’t even decide to watch an episode of Superman without agonizing for two hours over it doing nothing.

October 26, 2013 at 3:45 am
(131) Laura says:

Wow! I did a search looking for answers to the problem of caring for an adult autistic stepson who is getting closer to middle age all the time and his father and I are likewise getting closer every day to old age. He is 33 and we are 65 and 66 respectively. Andy is very strong, about 6 inches taller and heavier than I am. His anger even at me is usually directed at his father. I am new on the scene when his father and I married 1 1/2 years ago. As we age and Andy becomes more violent we realize there will come a time when we can no longer care for him. I am new, but it does appear that Andy learned a long time ago that a fit got him whatever he wanted. Sometimes the fits are because of restraints that I have imposed on his previously unlimited access to all the food in the house. Sometimes they are because of not wanting to be hurried. Sometimes they are because we can’t get the food heated in the microwave quickly enough. Sometimes because of pain from an injury he has inflicted on himself. Sometimes ……………. I don’t know sometimes. He has begun not only scratching to drawing blood, but now biting leaving marks but no blood there yet. In discussing the last incident with his caseworker it became clear that any physical contact on our part in an attempt to free ourselves from his grasp is considered to be abuse. He is a handicapped adult so has a right to be unrestrained in his actions and his rights trump our rights to not sustain physically harm. Where is the balance? At this time these “kids” seem to have rights to anything and everything they desire and the day of our lives are dictated by his whims. As for the rages we do not have a solution. Andy operates on the functional level of a 2 – 4 y/o, is non verbal, and recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and placed on a med to level things out. We have not found a dosage that works yet. You all who have been doing this for some time are angels! God bless you all.
Laura

January 7, 2014 at 4:14 pm
(132) Katie says:

These stories make my heart hurt as I’ve seen autism up close and I know. I just want to scream when people sarcastically and hatefully act like autism’s not a big deal, especially when any discussion of preventing or treating it comes up.

I wonder if anyone would be interested in checking out the http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/. She has tabs for Lioness Arising Mothers, her series on moms with autistic children who are dealing with the same thing and who are also treating their children (of course, it is different dealing with a violent adult, as I WELL know): http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/category/lioness-arising-mothers/. Also some things on the Thinking Moms Revolution: http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/?s=thinking+moms+revolution&submit=Search.

http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/

I will definitely be contacting the one woman regarding the groups that join together to pray.

I know life is not easy and we don’t understand. Though my worldview is missing “pieces” and doesn’t fit perfectly, I do NOT believe that this pain was just “meant to be.” That’s part of the reason I love this blog author so much. She does not have an autistic child, but she says that these moms are tired, and she is not. So she will fight for them.

(Note: Those who are dedicated to traditional medicine may be pretty irritated by her blog. However, from the heartbreak I am reading on here that resonates so well with me, I don’t think it’s worked for those on this forum.)

I think the answers are there, and I hope those of us who are NOT dealing daily with this violence will keep searching for them.

Please email me at katiecrystal23@yahoo.com if you would like to talk. Take care.

February 28, 2014 at 6:03 am
(133) marie says:

Hi I have a 9 year old son, he was diagnosed with asd and although he is never violent to adults at the moment he does hit his younger sister for even asking him to play with her, he has hit my baby too for no reason. I am worried that this will get worse as he gets older. He is in a mainstream school but gets bullied so gets angry and will scratch, hit or push others over, he tries to tell myself and his teacher what to do and if he gets told off or doesn’t get his way he will cry and scream. Hes told me he wants us all to die, he wants to kill his siblings. I do feel better knowing I am not alone going through this, it is hard and the future is a mystery but scary to think of.

March 27, 2014 at 5:56 pm
(134) Katie says:

Hi again all,

I should have added that my deep, deep sympathies are with those of you whose children’s physical capacity far exceeds yours at this point. I realize you can’t just “not give in” at this point.

I guess I’m referring to more when the child is younger.

Please, please check out Gianelloni Family Blog and facebook page (Life As We Know It: the Gianelloni 7). Not to get into the vaccine thing, but she is a vaccine injury advocate and loves those with autism and autism moms, though all her children are normal. She links to other sources regarding biomedical therapy and believes in healing.

Also, any sources on the GF/CF diet.

For other therapy, my friend Meredith at Exceptional Connections (she also has a facebook page) may be able to help.

Prayers going up to the Lord for you. So sorry you have to go through this.

April 8, 2014 at 8:36 pm
(135) P says:

My spectrum daughter is now 21. She also has cerebral palsy. Her OCD behaviors and explosions when interrupted have become so much worse in the past 2 years. she has become violent, roughly kissing me and mashing her teeth into my face, pulling my hair, squeezing me with superhuman strength…the threats to harm her siblings, the attempts to “run away”…i feel so lonely and isolated. i feel so guilty for subjecting my 4 younger children to this atmosphere. i bought her a camper/trailer so she could have her own space, but it can’t be used in the winter so it isn’t a real solution. it’s so depressing that nothing ever really helps. i spent her childhood wondering/fearing what she’d be like as an adult, and now that she’s 21, i see that this is it. she wants to have a boyfriend, wants to be a mother…none of that is going to happen. this firstborn, beloved child of mine is lost to me. why would her siblings want to take care of her in her old age if she abuses them and wrecks their childhood? and if i can’t count on her siblings to care for her when i’m gone, what’s to become of her? she is too “high functioning” (about 7 years old intellectually, older in other ways) to not care about all she is missing. i just don’t know what to do.

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