Familiar Accusation Leveled Against Mom on The Amazing Race

I believe a great deal of ignorance has been displayed in discussions of the incidents on this week’s episode of The Amazing Race.

Some viewers online commented that it was wrong for Margie to tell Luke what the other contestant called him when his back was turned ~ what’s up with that?

Luke is a grown man, not a child to be protected from adult communications. If someone was serving as my interpreter, I would expect them to let me know what was said in my presence behind my back, and would be furious if I found out later they did not.

Others viewers have commented Margie was out of line for railing against another contestant for laughing at Luke when he was signing ~ no consideration of disability etiquette there, either, to put it mildly.

‘Natural’ reactions or calculated responses to irritate other contestants are greatly magnified when seen by people who are deaf, and I don’t think anyone considered that at all.

The differences in gestures and expressions meant to communicate degrees of feelings and beliefs leaves less room for subtly expressing strong feelings, and quicker recognition of ‘non-verbal’ cues.

The other team did not seem to understand the depth of the insult of laughing while Luke was signing, and neither did the host. All behavior is communication, and I appreciate the clarity of the messages from Margie and Luke.

I felt that in the circumstances, Margie showed remarkable restraint. I felt disregard was shown for deaf culture in general and Luke in particular.

I can’t remember a time when I regretted standing up for my son, but there are many times I regret I did not.

I’m sure both Margie and Luke will go on and continue to be strong competitors, meeting new challenges as they come along.

The viewing audience may not become experts on Deaf culture, but they sure are becoming acquainted with one individual from that community. I remain delighted that they are in the competition.

That being said, I do feel that both teams involved should have had a five minute penalty when they ‘checked in’ ~ making a small statement about physical contact and excessively aggressive communication during the competition being unsportsmanlike conduct, in the same category as hiding tire pumps.

Of course, the drama boosts discussion of the show and no doubt adds to ratings ~ and a great deal of what we see is a result of editing that contestants do not control.

It seems to me that all contestants on reality shows are exploited to a such a degree that fine differences don’t register past the first threshold.

Everyone involved in this unpleasant business was jet lagged and exhausted, and of course under pressure from the competition.

I believe that what they suffered, enjoyed and otherwise experienced during filming will do more to build lifelong relationships than a few dramatic episodes that boosted ratings.

So I find that I have stronger emotional responses to other viewer’s comments, rude remarks and attacks directed at Luke and Margie than I do toward anyone in the cast involved. Those comments tell us more about the importance of inclusion, advocacy, and education of mainstream peers (and our own communities) on disability issues, too.

My son and I enjoy watching The Amazing Race together, and I do hope that there is not an *increasing* emphasis on the stress-related incidents between contestants.

In the episode in question, there was too much. I’m sending everyone involved a virtual two hour nap in a cool, quiet room with a soft, warm blanket.

I haven’t seen the show, but I thought Terri’s comment was apt:

“Scnoop calls Luke “spoiled and mollycoddled,” and I wonder about that, too — could it be a case of people with disabilities being tolerated only when they act like saints, and not when they’re frustrated and annoyed and competitive and, you know, human?”

That he behaved frustrated, annoyed and competitive wasn’t blamed on a bad day or a personality trait, it was blamed on the parent.

I wish people would cut parents a little slack. We do our best and not everything is in our control.

I think Margie’s comment to the African-American contestants summed it up nicely–to paraphrase, she told them that they should understand what discrimination is like given their race. Making fun of people with special needs is still considered “ok” territory. If the issue was race, gender, religion or another taboo topic, there would be no doubt of the outcry. Margie was trying to stand-up for her son in the face of terrible ignorance–Good luck with that one. That sure isn’t going to be changed or addressed in a quick soundbite on a TV show. Both sides were wrong in my opinion (luke and the other team). However, like the person above mentioned–it made for great “ratings.” Too bad it wasn’t used for good.

I agree 100% with Sharon.
Until you have a disability that effects your ability to communication you can not appreciate how degrading the rest of the world can be to people with communication disabilities. My son, while not deaf, is not able to speak, so he uses a communication device. I have seen everything from people walking away in the middle of his attempt to communicate, to laughing at him to saying that he isn’t really “talking”, that the computer is doing it for him. (Really smart computer that can anticipate conversation, huh??)

The interactions at the clue boxes were very equally tit for tat. They are both very competitive teams and they both could have played with a little more consideration. Check in was infuriating; the behavior of Jen and Keshia –and PHIL! It was not just their laughter but their shushing of Margie and the fact that they refused to look in Margie and Luke’s direction. Then don’t even get me started on Phil’s reaction. It made me so angry that I was brought to tears. When Margie spoke her mind regarding Keshia and Jen laughing at Luke, Phil spoke up in defense of Jen and Keshia, saying “I don’t think that is what they mean.”(That may not be an exact quote, but it is close. ) In so doing he was essentially patting Margie on the head and saying “there there, see you are wrong and you are over-reacting.” How disrespectful! The whole check in scene was a case study in what not to do if you want to be respectful to a person who has a communication disability.
Lastly, I totally agree with your comment:
“…could it be a case of people with disabilities being tolerated only when they act like saints, and not when they’re frustrated and annoyed and competitive and, you know, human?”
In most cases the public at large likes their people who have disabilities to be cute, quite and dismissive. When they aren’t, usually it is the case of poor parenting. Give me a break.

I watched the show and thought both teams were out of line at the clue box, but when the subject came up in front of Phil, I felt so angry that the other team just laughed and did not even listen to a mother, who was defending her son. They took it as a joke which probably provoked Margie even more, who in my opionin handled it with great poise considering the other teams reaction. She has probably had to defend her son and the deaf community many times in her life. I think the other teams have accepted Margie and Luke but this team is disgusting in my opionin because they talked about laughing at Luke before they arrived at the pitstop. It was preplanned. I am rooting for Margie and Luke. They are a tough team and do not let anything stand in their way.

Quote: I think the other teams have accepted Margie and Luke but this team is disgusting in my opionin because they talked about laughing at Luke before they arrived at the pitstop

Dear Angie,
At which scene did they plan to laugh at Luke before they arrived at the pitstop? Is it in this episode, or in your imagination ?

I don’t have much to add to what was said above, but I spend quite a lot of time around Deaf people, and I can assure you there is quite a history of making fun of ASL (”monkey-talk” among other things), so to be laughed at while signing is a mortal insult to a Deaf person, and I was not in the slightest surprised at either Luke or Margie’s reaction when the sisters were laughing at them. I hope there was more discussion than we got to see on the show. (Though it’s doubtful since Luke and his mother were still so angry the next day. . . .)

I thought Luke was a sooky, wining, crybaby, Mumys boy.All through the race he carried on like a girl.The argument was pathetic its a race for 1 million dollars for God sake.I have known several deaf people over the years and I can assure you I have heard many people put down black people but not a soul put down a deaf person.It is natural to smile when someone is having a go at you its either that or yell and scream as Luke and Mum did. They were smiling not laughing. He is a sympathy seeker, he has had a coclear transplant and refuses to use it.