Seeing the Kate Gosselin in Me (and You)
My daughter recently took a test on Facebook to see which Jon & Kate Plus 8 family member she is (that would be Cara, really a pretty astute match). I'm not ready to take the test myself -- those "We will now access every bit of personal information on you and all your friends" messages that come up with Facebook fun stuff always stop me cold -- but I really don't need some cutesy questionnaire to tell me the truth. I'm afraid I know the answer. I'm Kate. Don't hate me.
Okay, I don't have a weird piece of hair sticking up on the back of my head (would that I had enough hair to do it!) and I've never borne multiples or actually any children at all, having dropped the fertility drugs in favor of adoption. But the things that folks most seem to be berating Mrs. Gosselin for are sounding all too familiar to me. Like:
Exploiting her children for profit. I wouldn't have this About.com gig if I wasn't willing to talk about my kids and the things I've learned about them. Ditto the two books I've written. And I know a whole lot of blog-writing, photo-sharing, video-posting, book-selling, awesome moms who could say the same.
Snottily overruling her husband in insisting on having her way with the kids. I only do this because I'm the one who does all the special-needs research, so I decide who gets disciplined how and when and with what tone of voice, and where we go and what we do and how we do it. That's my story, anyway. I'm lucky that my husband was older and more mature than Jon when we started this adventure. And that there are no TV cameras in my house.
Changing. When I read about how Kate used to be this nice relatable mom and is now so strident and self-involved, I think of the changes that have come over me as I've gone from overwhelmed to outspoken. I like to think it's all in the name of being a good mom-advocate, but I bet there are professionals who've seen the mom-zilla in me.
And in all of us, no? Katherine Lewis, the About.com guide to Working Moms, wrote on her blog that Kate fits a "controlling and cold" working mom stereotype, but I'm thinking she has a lot in common with mothers of children with special needs. How many times have you been judged for not fitting in the box assigned you, for treating your children differently than others deem appropriate, for wanting things the way you want them, for daring to do something for yourself, for making human mistakes?
I may not be Kate Gosselin, and I may not always agree with her decisions. But fun though it may be, I think I'll hold off on the finger-pointing.
Can you relate to Kate? Which Gosselin do you suppose you're most like? Share your thoughts in the comments.
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While negative news and gossip swirls around the web about Jon & Kate Gosselin and their family, a new blog is joining the ranks of those praying for this couple and their family – JonandKatePrayers.com. The purpose of this blog is to refocus attention on praying for this couple, their marriage, and their family’s healing.
Featured also are many resources and tools to help strengthen your marriage.
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I’m with you Terri. Yes, I’m Kate too.
Honestly, I know she can get a bit snippy at times but what Mom or Dad wouldn’t have a “Kate Moment” here and there if they were videotaped everyday?
When people complain about how awful she is, I really dont see it like that.
She is trying to run a household with 8 young kids, who seem to be a bunch of mostly happy, healthy, well-behaved little ones.
Not saying I agree with the tv life, but until I have 2 sets of multiples, I’m not sure I’m really in a position to judge.
I’m also with you. I think Kate is a typical mom who has been blessed with a not so typical situation. She has beautiful, healthy, happy children whom she has done her best to raise. I think she can be a bit controlling and snippy at times, but what busy, tired wife and mother isn’t like that at times. She does so much for her family and it’s stressful to be in the spotlight all the time. I think what she needs right now is a little support and space, and a little less finger pointing!! I wish Jon and Kate and their children nothing but the best, whatever happens.
I definitely have to agree. I’ve only seen the show once, but from what you’ve written here I fit the profile. Especially the part about overuling the husband because I have most of the information — and in my case, also the better intuitive and empathetic skills. But like your husband, my husband doesn’t usually get too uptight about it — he recognizes talent when he sees it!
Thank you so much for your comment and I totally agree. I am even working on the haido,I love it ! Physically I hope she has changed,she was pregnant with 8 babies . Her surgery was probably not just cosmetic,how healthy do you think you body would have been. I think she may have been a little overbearing with John at times but you do that when you herd kids all day. My has warned me about talking to him in my “teacher voice”. Sometimes he needs that voice ugh!
I love the family ,would hate to see them break up .
But I do think under the circumstances that the public sees I believe everyone is being too harsh on Kate.
I think we all have a little Kate in us.
I wouldn’t want Kate’s job, whether that be celebrity, wife and/or mother of 8 children. She is and has made the best of a crazy situation and if I were in her shoes, I’m not sure I wouldn’t do the exact same. I do believe there were times when she could have shown Jon a little more respect, but that was up to him to demand and if it really was a problem from the beginning, he should have spoken up sooner and not waited until they have paparrazzi photographing their every move. We all make mistakes, marriage isn’t perfect, being parents isn’t perfect, it takes love, respect and trust from everyone in a family to make it work. As the product of a broken home and the mother of a special needs child, I can promise you that the only ones that will truly suffer through this divorce are those 8 adorable children and for that I am very sad.
I agree with Kelly. Heaven help me if someone showed up with a camera when I was having a bad, stressed out day and raised my voice to my husband or children! We all have to remember that this show is edited. I’m sure there is tons of footage that shows them all being nice, normal, and boring – but we know that doesn’t make for good t.v. I personally think TLC should stop production, and we should stop watching while this family works through their problems. I’ve never pointed a finger at Kate and blamed her for all that’s gone wrong – it takes two to make a relationship, whether it’s a good one or not.
I totally disagree. Perhaps I may have a “Kate moment” here and there, but I certainly would NOT air my dirty laundry on national television. That is not to say I don’t think they should have a show – on the contrary. I think it might benefit the kids in the end.
However, the way Kate was backhandedly attacking “her” children’s husband. (Notice they are always her children, not our children) Her kids are going to see this one day and I think it will be hard for them not to blame her.
Crazy, “Kate moments”, fine, but calling out your husband, not cool.
Marriage is hard work and needs to be a joint effort between two people. No one is alike and everyone has their opinions. Kate may be demanding at times. Who wouldn’t be with 8 children! But I know that I have been demanding at times when my spouse did not understand how hard it was to juggle a job and an often sick child with severe allergies and asthma or the complexity of his illness. From my observation Jon is the one who needs couseling and has to grow up. He always talks about only being 32 and having 8 children. Poor him. Kate is only 34 and has had to raise those children too. Personally, I think Kate is the better person and definately the stronger of the two and I hope she finds the happiness she deserves with a strong grown-up man!!
I certainly can’t say I understand their situation completely, nor can I say either is completely innocent in this situation. Clearly both contribute to dissolution of marriage. I am; however, troubled by the notion that it is okay to “overrule” your husband.
I certainly am no saint and I certainly ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but I would certainly hope that in my marriage my wife would work to educate me in the issues surrounding my special needs kids (if that were needed) so that I can carry out my role as head of the house and lead my family.
I don’t see any leadership from Jon and I don’t see any empowering by Kate to Jon so that he can lead. That dynamic is definitely a contributing factor in their current situation. I will certainly be praying for them, because divorce isn’t the answer in this situation, God is!
I’m pretty bossy, but I figure I have to stand up for myself because I am the only woman in an otherwise all-male household.
I’m NOT a germaphobic. Good thing, because I would have been dead long ago with all the sports gear that is around the house including practice gear from football that is 100% mud-covered.
I’m very organized like Kate is. SOMEBODY has to be, or our house could look like the house in the movie “Overboard” BEFORE “Annie”came to live there!
I’m kinder than Kate with my words, and I DO know how to say “Please.” I DO on occasion let a few mean words fly- especially when I get stressed out.
As far as the outdoors goes,I’m more like Jon. I also like dogs a lot. We have a German Shepherd about the age of Shooka and Nala. I can see why Jon likes his big earth-moving equipment for the yard. I would’t mind having a go at moving some dirt with that thing!
I’m a lot like Hannah in that I DO enjoy Mom stuff like cooking and keeping things looking neat. Folding clothes isn’t too bad. I have a Ph.D in it already, I think!