Talking beats spanking as a disciplinary technique for most parents, according to a CNN report -- but boy, I don't know. Not that I'm a fan of corporal punishment or anything; I agree that spanking's not desirable. But talking? Never did much for my kids. My lectures and words of patient instruction leave me feeling like an adult in a Peanuts cartoon, sure that all my kids hear is "Wah wah wah." That's what you get for throwing language at kids with language delays.
Time outs have been pretty effective behavior tamers for us -- time out for the kids when they were young, time out for their devices now. More effective still is changing the environment so that the misbehavior never happens in the first place, leaving enough time for transitions, choosing battles carefully, and having some distractions up my sleeve to derail the bad behavior train.
A few weeks ago, Amanda Rock, About.com guide to Preschoolers, wrote about an advice column in which a parent recommended ice-cold water in the face to defuse a tantrum. The majority of readers responding to her survey thought that was a bad idea, but it's along the lines of the things that work with my son's meltdowns. Cold water's a bit much, but silly or surprising sounds and phrases and behavior from me sometimes get his attention when I need to nudge it. Probably icy water in my face would stop him cold. It pays to think outside the box.
I gathered a list of ten things I've used to tame temper tantrums, from surprises and silliness to ignoring the whole thing. At the end, there's a chance for you to add your own tantrum tricks on a Readers Respond page. There's also a page for submitting your discipline strategies. Submit your tips there, and discuss discipline more generally here in the comments. Does talking work for you, or like me, are you just talking to yourself?
Photo by Rick Raymond/Getty Images
My son is good for about 45 seconds, unless there’s visual aids to keep him involved. I don’t know when he tunes out and tunes back to see if I’m _still_ talking. Sometimes, I think he gets the general idea, but I’m finding out that this is how it goes for school, too.
Those parenting books don’t know to say that it’s a good idea to learn Power Point for disciplinary talks…
i had to LOL when i got to the part about how we feel like a charlie brown cartoon when speaking to our kids: “WAH! WAH! WAH!!!” boy does that sound like me! i pretty much raise my very bright and funny 4 1/2 yearold grandson! he’s even been brave enough to either mimic me or reply; “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!” AND HE WAS ONLY 3 THEN! i am at my wits end! the “counting to 3…” seems to help, sometimes, but lately i have reach to 3 and did not know what to do but start over! “1… 2… IF I have to get to 3 AGAIN Diego, you will REALLY be in BIG trouble!” but by then I am red in the face and yelling, so he listens! but thats my point here, why and how can we reach our kids without having to holler and yell like out of control lunatics!? (YES, I AM YELLING-LIKE A LUNATIC!!!)
My husband and I have had to work out strategies that worked for us and our boys. Generally, a sudden shock of some kind has been needed to get the boys out of a major meltdown. When they were small, we would sometimes pick them up, dump them on the bed – and suddenly the temper tantrum descended into a tickle battle!
One thing, though, is that we never started a countdown without knowing what would happen when we got to 3. Whether is was immediate removal of something pleasant, straight into the bedroom, being held still, or whatever, I don’t think you should start with the ‘do it by the time I count to three or else’ if you don’t carry through with the ‘or else’!