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Terri Mauro

Neighbor of a Boy With Autism Asks, How Do We Handle This?

By August 9, 2010

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HoseSometimes older blog posts get comments that request further opinions or advice, but since the original post is far off the front page, it's unlikely that anyone will see it to answer. I'm going to highlight a few of those this week, to get some conversation going on issues that we're all dealing with. First off is a comment from reader Chris in response to a 2009 post about hostile neighbors filing complaints about a child with autism. He writes:

OK, I have another perspective and I ask your help. I am a father of four young kids with one having Bi-Polar with a possibility of Aspergers. So I have some understanding of children with disabilities. My problem is I have a next door neighbor with 2 autistic kids that are driving me up the wall. One is a highly functioning good kid but his younger brother (12yold) is very loud vocally outside for hours at a time. What he does is spray their garden hose inside a 20' X 30' stockade fenced in area between his legs and yells and waves hands while only wearing loose fitting underpants (sometimes the wife and I have caught him doing this naked while the mom is not around .... disturbing for my 10 year old daughter and myself) This kid must go through gallons of water at a time. And all this is in a very small close mobile home park. My question is how do we handle this? The police have been involved on several occasions and we were told the mom is single and she doesn't have much resources for them. What can we do as far as maybe helping to resolve this annoyance or is this a situation that cannot be helped? My wife has approached her on several occasions about the noise and nudity but it seems that it has no effect on her. Is this abuse? Please help! P.S. My wife is a residential counseler for adults with disabilities and she has suggested resources to her but she was uninterested in her suggestions.

What would you advise? Share your experience and suggestions here or in the comments to the original post.

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Comments
August 11, 2010 at 1:54 pm
(1) Lisa Raffoul says:

This is certainly a sensitive situation. It seems obvious that simply talking to mom isn’t going to provide a solution and asking the young boy to stop will be equally ineffective.

I am wondering if there are any suggested strategies to use for when the behaviour comes out. While your wife has tried to talk to mom, is there anything that you can do, respecting boundaries of course, that might divert the boy’s attention to something else?

Another suggestion is to think about your goals for the relationship and for intervening. What are they? What can you do to work toward a solution?

I think that maintaining a good relationship with your neighbour is important. Is it possible to get to know them over and above the issue? What about inviting them over for a coffee, completely unrelated to the disability or behaviour.

If you’re helpful in a not so obvious way perhaps the mom will be more receptive in the future.

June 29, 2011 at 1:27 pm
(2) SLEEPDEPRIVED says:

My back neighbors are the parents of an autistic adult child (~30 yrs old) that lives with them. He is about 6 ft 5 and is always in their backyard ranting loudly, climbing the large trees on their property (breaking all the branches that he can with his bare hands by either climbing on them, with a ladder or long pole/stick). He has done similar damage to neighboring property trees (that he can reach). They have a pool that he dives, splashes and flops around in loudly ranting at all hours of the day or night. He will sometimes even climb on the roof of the home to jump from into the pool. There are many times that he becomes obviously upset, yelling at the top of his lungs (various hour of the day or night), arguing with his parents and what at times sounds like throwing and breaking things. In the past I have had to call the local police as I have found him in my back yard running with his pants around his ankles. When the police spoke with the parents, they denied that he had even been outside and swore that he was inside the home the entire day (which is never true). Quite often he throws varies objects over the wall (shoes, branches, etc) to my yard. It has become a hazard to even have my 4 yr old play in her own back yard for fear that she can be hurt by something he my throw. He also walks on the brick wall that divides the neighbors properties only wearing lose fitted shorts that typically fall exposing himself without disregard to hide or correct himself.
I have tried speaking with the parents about my concerns, but they only say “he’s autistic and we are sorry”. Although I deeply sympathize with what they are dealing with, I wonder if they really have to?

September 22, 2012 at 11:13 am
(3) Concerned Neightbor says:

How patient do we need to be as neighbors? I own a house in a very quiet neighborhood and next door there is a very small rental property. The people who moved in have an Autistic Son. The family in general are VERY noisy and they seem to spend ALL of the moments they are awake outside. Their back yard is right near my front door and directly under my bedroom window. When the kids are not in school they are outside in the back yard playing. The autistic boy is around 9 or 10 years old and when he talks he yells and when he gets upset which is usually about every half hour you can hear it though the neighborhood.

They also have a younger son who was the same age as my son. I also have a 4 year old daughter. The parents made a rule that if my son played with their 7 year old that the autistic kid needed to be invited also. This led to the kids “playing” in my driveway.

The autistic kid developed an obsession with my younger daughter and was often found restraining her with “hugs”. BTW the kid is also much bigger than my 7 year old. Once my wife noticed that the “hugs” were too agressive and we mentioned to my kids that the Autistic kid was not able to play in our yard when 1) my daughter was out and 2) hey were un supervised.

Our neighbors then got insulted and came over threatening my wife and cursing at her in front of our kids. This lead to us not allowing any interaction between my son and them also ( except at school ).

September 22, 2012 at 11:14 am
(4) Concerned Neightbor says:

Continued …

So the kids continue to “play” in their yard. From the hours of 3:00 PM to 7:30 PM every day there is a constant hum of shouts turned to screams turning to temper tantrums and yelling back and forth from the autistic child and the mother yelling and screaming back.

On top of this now the parents arent quiet either. From Friday at 5:30 PM until Sunday at 7:00 PM plus some random evenings during the week the parents are outside drinking and playing the radio at high volume. Their response is that the noise ordinance is at 11:00 PM and that they can be as loud as they want until 11:00 PM.

This is an occasional loud verbal argument outside at night ( I guess not to wake their children ) that wake us up.

So this is the current situation. I have spoke to the owner of the house and they have spoke to these tenants. But not much has changed.

I would like to talk to these people although I am not sure it will help and tell them that they should choose between 1) letting the kids “play” in their back yard … there are many parks in the area and they can be as loud as they want there. and 2) being loud themselves. I feel that they should be aware that their kids are not quite and have some respect for us understanding that we are being patient with their children’s noise and that they personally are adding stress to the situation with the additional noise that they cause.

I feel sorry for Autistic children and their parents but at some point where should the line be drawn for interference with the neighbors life? Am I being selfish to ask for 10 minutes of down time on the property that I own? Is it unreasonable that I ask them to be quiet, either have the kids play somewhere else or have the adults keep it quiet when the kids are asleep ?

October 4, 2012 at 9:26 am
(5) specialchildren says:

I think you’re scapegoating autism here. I think you’d have exactly the same problem if this was any family with loud parents and kids. The way in which this particular kid is loud may be atypical, but it sounds like you would be upset with any loud activity. If indeed the noise ordinance says you can make as much noise as you want in your own home and yard until 11 p.m, then this family is within its rights. You can be angry and complain about it, but making it a “These autism families are loud and rude and will ruin your neighborhood!” is unfair.

November 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm
(6) Boots says:

I have a 17 yr old neighbor that apparently has mind of 2 yr old. Huge boy. Over 6 ft, 250 lbs. The parents plop him in pool from 8 am to 11pm with a tv set and ignore him all day while he moans. I hear it constantly. Their house is soundproof (i know the builder). So unfair that I cant complain because I will look mean. Yet I can’t even have friends over because of the noise

March 13, 2013 at 2:38 pm
(7) Ali says:

For the last five years, living with a neighbour with autistic child now turning as a 17-18 year over 6 ft tall adult bring me memories of torture to me and my family. Yesterday was the 29th time, he busted my main door and kicking. His poor mom pulled him away. All night and early morning floor and walls banging is a usual day. Police not helping and advise to report when it happen and will make an arrest. I have sympathies with him and his parents and not sure if should do this. But one day, I will have to take help from police to keep myself and my family safe. But this will be against my nature and will feel guilty. His parents are not listening and not cooperating. Police suggested to move to another locality. Its going to cost me 20-30,000 for paying commission/fees. Should I do this or they need to move. I am helpless and cannot make any decision. I understand autism but this has given us torture. Hope one day Denise and Norman will understand that they are making my life miserable. I pray one day they find the right facility to treat their kid. I have lot of respect for those autistic families but some one should realize that their actions are making others a big grief. I hope the Govt. come forward and help these families to provide treatment centers. Police consider this a legal issue of breaking in or assault, but I believe a mental problem. If I sell my house, I will do nothing but give my problem to another. It has already happened to us when I bought this. I don’t know what to do.. Its taking away my freedom and my family life.

April 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm
(8) x says:

Imagine, then, what the hell it is like to be a parent of an autistic child. You are all complaining about things that, realistically, cannot be solved – Autism isn’t something you can ‘make better’ or even control. You cannot walk away and have a break from it as a parent, you cannot abandon the child that you love because their brains are wired completely different to any ‘normal’ person. You get just as stressed as the neighbours if not MORE so and yet you are in the same house as it, being screamed at, hit, bitten, headbutted, having your things smashed and destroyed when they go on a rage they have NO way of controlling. What do you want these people to do? Gag these children and tie them up in a cage somewhere for your pleasure? And you know what? There are children out there who are much worse without having autism, they are just generally little brats who CAN control their behaviour and CAN understand what s right and wrong (unlike in autism) and they still do it. You people need to get educated. These children are, inevitably, living a life and SUFFERING just as much if not more than you are. And they can’t even express that like you can.

May 4, 2013 at 8:34 pm
(9) Donny says:

xsays,
I knew how to think the right thing about my autistic and learning disabled kid neighbors but wanted to thank you for solidifying it.

At this point all I can do is put up a fence and pray everyday no trouble happens.

There is no dealing with the parents to watch them more closely because they are drunk half of the times. When they arent drunk they scream and cuss at their own kids so maybe its best not to let them know the kids are annoying the rest of the neighborhood.

Thank you again and pray you have peace.

May 24, 2013 at 3:35 pm
(10) Anca says:

You should be greatfull you have healthy kids!!!

May 27, 2013 at 6:19 pm
(11) In The Same Boat says:

My wife and I also live next door to a family with an 11 year old autistic boy. Their backyard has a pool and a trampoline, and the autisic son is outside EVERY day jumping on the trampoline or in the pool screaming and yelling. The parents are also extremely loud, yelling at the son or each other, and seem to think nothing of loud profane language. We have not enjoyed our own backyard due to this since they moved in 3 years ago. Unless there is snow on the ground or it’s pouring rain, we have had to endure the parents loud talking, the son’s screaming, or thier dog barking EVERY DAY till past dark. We know that if we complain, we’ll be looked upon as insensitive. The “good neighbor” fence we have doesn’t do much to keep the noise or the view of their yard at bay. So…. today we are having a solid 8 foot fence at the cost of $3000 built between our backyard and theirs to try to regain some privacy, peace, and hopefully be able to start enjoying our yard again.

June 27, 2013 at 2:02 am
(12) Jai Bee says:

I have a severely mentally disabled child and most people commenting are just plain rude. These kids don’t want to “disturb” people and their peace they just don’t know any better. In my child’s case he has severe cognitive impairment, low functioning autism, pica and ADHD. It is miserable for us watching him suffer every day and there are times we would like to be able to just “shut him off” for the sake of our sanity. We parents are extremely exhausted and people who complain just add more burden to our miserable lives. There are so many hoops to jump through in order to get these children into residential treatment that it almost makes life unbearable and death feels welcoming because of all we deal with on a daily basis. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for us, there is no end to it all, it goes on and on day after day until we get so stressed out by people who don’t understand we eventually die of a heart attack only to burden another family member with our children.

August 6, 2013 at 7:36 am
(13) Monica says:

Just reading these comments about neighbours complaining about children who have autism, confirms those judgemental looks I’ve been getting from folk for 17 years now. Although nothing is said, the looks the lucky folk have says it all. Autism is non discriminate, and wait for, can occur in any family from any socioeconomic background. Not even the professionals with many years of experience know how to fully stop the outbursts and unfavourable behaviours these kids/people with autism display. God knows we have engaged with many of them, there is no magic bullet for autism, do you seriously believe we enjoy the noise etc you folk are complaining about. I would gladly trade places with any of these fortunate neighbours who have missed out on the big “A”.

August 19, 2013 at 1:06 pm
(14) Jay says:

We live next door to a 6 year old kid with autism. He howl’s constantly at the top of his voice and repeats the same words over and over again. It drives us mad. We have done all the talking to parents thing with no avail.
What you don’t understand is that we ,the ‘neighbors’ of autistic family,s go through hell too.Of course not as bad as the family’s ,but we still suffer. We have nothing to do with the autistic people and yet we ARE suffering.
“Feel sorry for the family, Autism is bad etc…” people say to us . Yea!! we know. Stop trying to teach your granny to suck eggs!
All I’m saying is that no one feels sorry for us, the people living next door to it. If we voice what we are going through ,then we are the ‘bad’ people, the selfish ones, the unfeeling. All comments usually made by people who don’t have autism in their life at all.The so called ‘do gooders’ AUTISM ruins life…their life ,the parents life and the bloody neighbours life. I allways say to those people ,that if you had to listen to what we do , it would drive you mad too .
To all you neighbours living next door to Autism, I feel sorry for you.

August 28, 2013 at 12:45 pm
(15) sue says:

I lived nest door to a child with learning difficulties. The family have since moved but for four years we heard the child scream the worst screams you have every heard every morning from 4am right through the day. We did get a bit of peace when the child went to school.
Whilst I have every sympathy for the childs guardians because I too have a son with a rare eye diease that caused him to have excruciating pain the screams where unbearable. My youngest son lost a job plastering because he fell asleep at work and my husband who is a rep passed out from exhaustion after just coming off a motorway. He had to pull up and get out his car. Eventually, has my neighbours property was council I had to go to the council about the noise and I even offerered to pay half towards soundproofing if the council would pay half. I got no joy from anyone and eventually went to the ombudsman. The council came to my house and said the noise was horrendous and that in similar cases they had provided soundproofing which i never did get. I have every sympathy with these children but it does affect neighbours too and we do not get the DLA some of these families get and to the coucnil it did not matter if my husband was endangering innocent lives or how many jobs my son lost

October 4, 2013 at 7:32 pm
(16) Anonymous says:

I do not care how much you think that you suffer being a ‘neighbor’ of children with autism. If it is REALLY that bad, then move away! I work as an Intervention Specialist and specifically work with students with autism. Guess what? THEY HATE IT AS MUCH AS YOU DO! They did not choose to be born with autism. If they could change, they would be the FIRST to try, not you with your petty grievances. I pity the fact that many people are probably annoyed with each one of you – including me – but that never gets across because we know that it is pure judgmentalism. You – the complaining neighbors on this forum – are the very people who act kind when in person and then spew petty garbage on the internet because ‘it makes you feel better.’

I bet the world that you would have posted on this very forum nearly verbatim what I just did if YOUR child was born with autism. Stop complaining and HELP. If the PARENT won’t do something, open up your damn heart, have compassion, and offer to help the individual yourself; OR MOVE. But, realize this, moving away will never change the guilt you feel for judging someone who has absolutely no control over why they were born the way that they were.

October 9, 2013 at 10:16 pm
(17) Lee Rainwaiter says:

What about my rights? Why do I have to move? Being a parent to a kid with autism I’m sure is tough but as a neighbor I have rights also. Is it right that I have to listen to him beat on the metal rail for hours? Is it right that I hear him making ticking sounds from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm? I work from home and I should be able to have a right to enjoy my home free of access noise.

October 22, 2013 at 10:00 pm
(18) Grumpy says:

same story, 18 yr old huge 6’5″ 250 lbs austistic kid next door. bellows all day long, all night long. his family uses the pool as a baby sitter. he really can’t function. he just yes and makes noises while he plays with a water hose in the pool. at night there is a spinning disco ball type light in the pool. I would think that its over stimulating. but they literally leave him in the pool for about 5 hours at a time, only comes in to eat. We can’t have anyone over, especially no outdoor parties.
we get no sleep, can’t enjoy a movie with all of the howling.

October 23, 2013 at 4:23 pm
(19) Janie in Pasadena says:

To “Intervention Specialist” – you will be happy to hear that I had to sell my house at a considerable loss after a family with a screaming, screeching giant autistic son moved in next door. The noise never stopped, and the kid literally ran though my yard, tearing up my landscaping like a huge ape. I got no privacy – as soon as he heard me come home, he would race over and pound my door open. I could not even be in the bathroom without him banging on my bathroom window. I would find him masturbating in my yard. The kid also wasn’t toilet trained and that is so, so gross when the kid is 300 lbs and loved to “diaper dig”. I was a young single woman living alone and frankly, I was living in a state of terror much of the time not knowing what or when this kid was going to try something. He had no boundries. Because we were close in age, I think he saw me as his girlfriend, or something even more horrifying. His stupid parents thought it was cute and would make jokes about it, they were in such denial of his true condition.

Yes, I felt sorry for his parents. But really, why should someone’s special needs mandate that an entire neighborhood constantly live in a state of disturbance? Or, as some of us had to do, sell their properties off at a huge financial loss just so we could get a few hours of sleep or feel safe in our own homes. Other people have rights too.

We are going to see more of these problems as these autistic children grow into huge, hairy out-of-control autistics like that one. Especially those with parents who constantly excuse their behavior like those parents did. I think it is time to resurrect mental institutions for the more severe cases – obviously humane, properly staffed, etc. But we are going to have to recognize that some “special needs” are just too great to be foisted upon the community.

November 10, 2013 at 9:03 pm
(20) va mom says:

how about sending her a box of chocolate dipped strawberries, a gift certificate to a local spa for some relaxing spa treatments (while you and your wife watch her kids); oh, and put up a privacy fence if you don’t want your daughter to watch the young man playing with the water.

If you think Your life is annoying, You are clueless what this mom is going through.

If the noise bothers you, get some noise-blocker headphones, or play music, etc., so that you don’t hear it.

You could also move.

This is also an opportunity to teach your children about diversity, people with differing abilities, patience and tolerance — necessary traits for everyone, given the epidemic rate of autism occurrence (1:88).

November 23, 2013 at 9:49 pm
(21) Andrew says:

for those of you complaining, do some research and try to imagine what we are going through trying to raise the children, everyday is joy and heartache, the human mind was not meant to be under constant pressure an frustration.. i can not even collaborate a decent response to your ignorance i am exhausted and have only this to say, please do some research an have some bloody compassion

February 1, 2014 at 4:08 pm
(22) LAD1973 says:

What do you expect a parent to do with a child who constantly yells and screams? I don’t care if you don’t like it. YOUR RIGHTS ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE OR MY CHILD’S. We do the BEST we can to keep them calm. We spend hours in therapy, doctor’s offices, and specialty clinics, and at the end of the day- THESE KIDS ARE STILL AUTISTIC. The noises don’t stop, they CAN’T stop. Don’t you think we would stop it if we could? I don’t care if it bothers you- imagine how much it bothers me! But this is the way my child was born, and she has a RIGHT to live just like you or I. MOVE… pack up your crap and MOVE. Nobody will stop you. If I move, I just have to move again and again and again. Where would I be able to move to if all neighbors were as ignorant and insensitive as you? I guess nowhere. So, since you are so bothered by something you don’t like, pack up and move. I absolutely am fed up with people like YOU. I don’t take her to restaurants because of her behavior. We don’t go to theme parks because she gets sensory overload. We don’t go to other kids’ birthday parties, holiday parties, we make quick trips into grocery stores…. all so people like YOU aren’t inconvenienced. I will be DAMNED if I have to deny my child the one place that she can live and enjoy- OUR HOME. You have the rest of the damn world, the least you could do is let the families of Autistic children enjoy their homes.

March 13, 2014 at 7:47 am
(23) AnotherPost says:

I have at least three neighbors with special-needs adult screamers. I think the only option is selling of course. One family moved their young man out after a marathon night of shrieking obscenities.

And yes I’m quite grateful that my family are healthy! That said, it’s unfortunate that a nice neighborhood block, maybe 25 quiet people are harassed daily and all night long. I do feel some compassion for the caretakers as well and realize they have no way to stop it. I doubt doctors who study such issues could do more.

Survey your future home neighborhood better than I did. This is a special-needs neighborhood.

March 25, 2014 at 9:45 am
(24) Sky North says:

My autistic son, now in late 20′s, was never antisocial, noisy, aggressive etc because neither are the adults who were his role models as he was growing up.
Many of the comments above are almost describing regular trailer trash families, and the fact there is an autistic young person does not really come into it. Those people and their offspring would be antisocial in any case.
I would be calling Social Services rather than the Police.
There are local authority housing estates in inner cities here in the UK where it is the norm for infants to be sat in front of television all day then as they get older, shoved outside to play on a trampoline all day. And where the parents drink alcohol and argue in front of their kids. They are dysfunctional. It isn’t the autism that causes the young person’s antisocial behaviour, they would be like that anyway because of the totally negative role models they have.
Don’t scapegoat disabled children and young people. They, like any other children, learn from the adults who are responsible for them. If the adults around them behave in an unacceptable and antisocial way, so will they.
I know many families with autistic children and young people, and funnily enough none of them behave like the way some of the people who’ve commented describe.

March 26, 2014 at 9:58 am
(25) Elaine Cole says:

It is all very well to say sell up and move but here in the U.K. by law you have to say whether you have problem neighbours to a prospective buyer. So who is going to buy a house with screaming that can go on during the night and day. Daytime is not quite so bad because I have music playing all the time. For the last four years I have had disturbed nights and can’t take much more of it. I cannot have anyone to come and stay and I have now resorted to buying strong sleeping pills via the internet.

I realise that parents or the child are not responsible for being such a pain, but as these particular parents are not uneducated, I feel they could at least be more respectful and have the child’s bed put downstairs in the middle room of the house, so at least once I am asleep, it wouldn’t necessarily wake me up, even though when conscious it can be heard throughout the house. Even the people over the road can hear it. Never thought I would spend my retirement walking around half dead from sleep deprivation and feeling so angry I lie awake wishing the most evil thoughts about the child!

March 26, 2014 at 5:16 pm
(26) Fedup says:

A family with a young and severely autistic boy have moved in near us. He is about 6 yrs old and cannot talk but shrieks almost incessantly at the top of his voice. He is left to play out in the garden, unsupervised, for hours on end. Even with doors and windows closed, the volume and pitch means the noise is so intrusive in our house. As for enjoying the garden in the summer, no chance. Even in winter and in the rain, they put this kid out to play, mainly unsupervised, including on a trampoline. In summer he can be out 9am until 9pm on weekends.

I appreciate parents of special needs kids have it tough, but that doesn’t mean that suddenly nobody else in the world matters any more. Consideration of others should still come into the equation.

April 4, 2014 at 8:04 am
(27) Siobhan says:

Can i just say that I have a 5 year old autistic son who screams a lot. This is how he behaves. The school and I are trying to stop. But with autism it’s very hard to change what they find comforting. We have neighbours who do not have children and have complained and completely alienated us from the whole street. We are doing our upmost to try and handle the situation but is very hard. Maybe for the younger children ask mum to speak to the child’s school about the inappropriate behaviour outside. Please don’t forget that it is very hard for the parents too.

April 10, 2014 at 9:52 am
(28) felicity says:

I am in exactly the same situation as most of the “bad people” who are voicing their distress at not being able to enjoy their own homes due the loud and often abusive behaviour from a neighbour with an autistic child.
I tend to think what Sky North said is partially true. The family next door have a domestic worker who looks after the 7 year old boy during the morning and he is honestly quieter and less prone to melt downs and excessive screaming when being supervised by her, however when the Mom returns from work at 14h00 all hell breaks loose and it get even worse when Dad returns at 18h00. He is allowed to absolutely rule the household, scream, bash any item in the house and run riot. They have no bedtime for him so goes on until all hours of the night screaming and throwing tantrums and the parents either ignore him or lose their tempers and just scream at him. He starts at 5.30 am 7 days a week and continues sometimes till 23h00. I am extremely grateful my 2 kids are healthy and don’t have any medical issues but this child is destroying my sanity and what once used to be a very peaceful neighbourhood. I too work from home and even when I am making calls to clients I and they can hear him screaming in the background even with all doors and windows closed. I will NOT sell my home as the next owner would have just the same problem. Housing estates where families with autistic children could live loudly to me would be a solution.

April 11, 2014 at 1:06 pm
(29) Nexttonohopeforthehumanrace says:

To all those complaining: why not enjoying the constant donate money toward research to help alleviate the things that you were complaining about? One and 68 children are born with autism and yet we know next to nothing about it. The only thing we can do to help that is intensive therapy from a very young age. The best bet is to get it diagnosed and start treatment before age do, however many families don’t recognize the need for evaluation until just before age 4. Mate the way to help yourselves and the future neighbors of autism is to help the autistic community progress foreward. Donate money: attend walks, gain a little more information and perspective.
I wish there was an”autism simulation” that could help you understand the way the children have to live on a personal level. Maybe someday tere will be, but until then I pray you never have a child on the spectrum. I also pray you gain a little humanity, children with autism are people too.

April 12, 2014 at 12:56 pm
(30) felicity says:

@nexttonohopeforthehumanrace- I have been researching autism and trying to understand the Illness and that’s how I discovered these sites where I have left a comment. I don’t doubt the family goes through hell but so do the surrounding neighbours. What I am asking is why the boy who lives next door to me “behaves” when being looked after by the domestic they employ however when the parent get home he goes ballistic. The domestic is firm and doesn’t’ allow him to progress from a “mini tantrum” to a full blown melt down and he listens when she says no however the parents have no control over him at all. The Mom is a teacher so she is well versed in disciplining children but not her own child. I am not trying to be cruel but I just want my home to be a place where I after a days work and on a weekend can unwind and have some peace and quiet and the current circumstances are not allowing that and have not allowed that for the last 4 years since they moved in.

April 13, 2014 at 9:19 am
(31) FELICITY says:

Another question after again enduring a full day of noise. Surely the family causing the disturbance should be the one to put in place measures to reduce the noise levels being hoisted onto the neighbours and have a soundproof time-out/meltdown room the child could be placed in safely where they the parents plus the neighbour could have some peace and quiet?

April 14, 2014 at 7:03 am
(32) Jaime says:

The right to live free from nuisance and harassment, threat to property or self, whether from those perfectly healthy or those with mental disabilities, trumps all. Full stop.
I can, and do, feel for those caring for the mentally disabled. And don’t try dancing on the head of a pin that your particular child or relative should be excused their behaviors impact on others because they’re anything other than mentally disabled. It is the carers/parent’s responsibility to control the impacts of their child/ward’s behaviors. Often not easy, certainly challenging. But if the impacts cannot be satisfactorily mitigated, that is precisely the purpose of institutionalization. Both for the carers, disabled, and others. Like it or not, we have societal norms of behavior and noise, nuisance and safety which are not relative and which certain people do not get a “free pass” card.
That is a different issue from sympathy for disability. Try and keep the two straight and separate.

April 18, 2014 at 5:03 am
(33) Felicity says:

Jaime you have hut the nail on the head. I agree 100% with what you have said.

April 18, 2014 at 7:41 am
(34) Carole says:

Well, to an extent I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one suffering. There is an autistic child next door to me – indeed I have often looked after him when he was little and he always behaved for me and I have the greatest sympathy for the mother. It’s far from easy for her, but she unfortunately has a very excitable nature herself and resorts to literally screaming at this child and the other 3 she has. Local residents can’t sit in their garden of an evening for the noise. When dad is there they behave very well so it’s not just the fault of the child himself but bad management on her part, difficult as it is. Up to now the odd toys have been thrown over and I’ve put them back for him but now I’m getting his own soiled nappies, pieces of wood with a nail in it, glass, various foodstuffs and mother is either in the shower (according to the other children) or on the phone in the garden and takes no notice. Because I’m constantly being showered with pebbles from their side and had call the police when I’ve been hit by rockery stones I’m termed a bully. May I add I’m 71, worked all my life from 17, with a gap to have my children and only just retired and never received any benefits so why can’t I now enjoy my retirement and garden. Why as people suggest should I move – how can I when I’m pension age. The other week it was so bad I considered taking a load of tablets and I am far from a depressive type but life has become unbearable. Surely there is something that can be done to help these unfortunate children and we who have to put up with it.

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