Why We Worry: My blog post from a few years back titled "Does Your Faith Community Hate You This Much?" got a lengthy comment over the weekend from a mother whose family is ready to change churches because of the presence of a child with special needs in the youth program. Writes withheld, "He has bitten, hit and kicked children, and thrown a full can of soda at the teacher. He bit a child's face and drew blood at VBS last year. He was kicked out of children's camp last year for violent behavior. He was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I believe he is psychotic if not demon possessed." Many of us have felt the sting of being excluded in our church communities, but as this comment illustrates, inclusion in and of itself, without prayerful consideration of how to keep every child -- including the child with disabilities -- safe and productive, is not such a joyous alternative.
Amy Fenton Lee, who writes a terrific blog on just this subject at The Inclusive Church, commented in response to withheld, writing, "Regardless of a person's abilities or disabilities, unsafe behavior is never acceptable. Growing spiritually becomes irrelevant in an environment where anyone's physical safety is in jeopardy. Many churches with experience including children with special needs have developed inclusion practices that include policies prohibiting unsafe behaviors." (She also cautions that considering a child to be demon-possessed is not exactly going to contribute to a constructive and nonjudgmental handling of the situation.) Amy lists a few links to her blog on the topic of safety issues in church inclusion, and they're worth checking out and forwarding to the leaders of your own church youth programs:
- Addressing Aggressive or Unsafe Behavior
- General Children's Ministry Policies and Procedures
- Handling a Child that "Bolts" in Church Programming
Have you found yourself in a situation where you feared for your child's safety in a church program, or were made to feel your child caused the church program to be unsafe? Read withheld's entire comment and respond.
I read the blog from 2 years ago about the child who was asked not to go to Catholic mass. You are right about it being two sided. Were the parents doing enough on their end? Was the boy that traumatized by going and hence the outbursts? One year ago we decided to switch churches because our daughter has sensory processing problems. We wanted her to worship with us and we didn’t want her to be freaked out. Previously we had been leaving her in the nursery but she was getting too old at 4 1/2 and we were realizing she would never leave the nursery and sit with us. We tried sitting outside the sanctuary but it was still too loud. So we found a tiny congregation and we do have to drive 45 minutes to get there (had to meet my husband’s and my theological beliefs). Our daughter immediately was able to sit with us. I guess if you are Catholic (we aren’t)… well, one of the things about being Catholic is that you need to attend a Catholic Church and they do not tend to come in small sizes that I know of. And what if you can’t find a sitter? I guess you and your spouse go to separate masses? Making choices is hard. It is agonizing. And sometimes you are just so “in it” (not sure how to describe the emotional trap that emotions can catch you)… well, you are just so “in it” that you can’t think straight to figure out a solution.