The ABCs of Behavior Management

Parenting tips and helpful resources

Keys to unlocking your child's attention and compliance may be found in unexpected places, but behavior management is a "whatever works" endeavor. Don't hesitate to use obsessive interests, bribes, and trickery to get your child to look, listen, and lock in on what you want. Read:

+ Magnificent Obsessions
+ Ten Sneaky Ways to Get Your Child's Attention
+ Book Review: The Child With Special Needs

Lying, for lots of parents, is the line that must not be crossed, the behavior that will not be tolerated. Unfortunately, for lots of kids, telling the truth is not a black-or-white endeavor. Before you punish dishonesty, make sure that your child really understood what was asked, and really understood how to answer. And, not for nothing -- how transparently truthful and straightforward are the statements you're making? Read:

+ Lying vs. "Truthiness"
+ Say What You Mean
+ Book Review: The Challenging Child

Mall shopping with a child with special needs in tow can make online buying look very, very appealing. But you can't always shop at home, and sometimes it will be necessary to bring crowd-averse moppets into a mecca of commerce. If you must bring your child to the mall, be sure to also bring distractions, an escape plan, and, if at all possible, another adult. Read:

+ Before You Go to the Mall With Your Child
+ Sensory Integration Tools and Toys
+ Fun Things to Do: Shopping

Neatness may seem like an impossible dream when your child actively resists washing, shampooing, deodorizing, or room-straightening. Instead of making this a point of tension that can cause behavioral disaster, consider your child's concerns carefully, and see if there's not some mutually agreeable way to satisfy the demands of good hygiene. Read:

+ Five Ways to Handle Hair-Washing Hassles
+ Body Odor Basics
+ Picking Up After Packrats

Outfits can give your child fits if sensory issues cause innocent seams and tags and waistbands to feel like threats to well-being. Instead of letting wardrobe become a behavioral battleground, do whatever you can to work within your child's comfort parameters. After all, how often do you choose uncomfortable clothes for yourself? Read:

+ Dress for Less Stress
+ Before You Dress Your Child for the Holidays
+ Halloween Costumes for Kids With Sensory Integration Disorder

Picking Battles carefully allows you target your child's most troublesome behaviors first, and with full force and attention. Letting some things slide doesn't mean you're lowering expectations for your child, just that you're giving him or her a small and manageable amount of work to do. Read:

+ Choosing Your Battles
+ Keep It Calm
+ Review: The Explosive Child

Quality Time with a parent is important for all kids, and if your child's not getting enough, you may find bad behavior to be his or her preferred mode of complaint. When your little one's out of control for no apparent reason, think about how much positive attention you've been paying of late. Then pay some more. For ideas on how to connect, read:

+ 31 Ways to Tell Your Child "I Love You"
+ Talk to Your Child
+ Review: Show Me You Love Me

Rewards need to be suited to your child's particular interests, or they won't do their motivational duty. Some kids may work for money. Others may be completely disinterested by it, but will snap to for a sticker, or TV time, or a free car magazine from the supermarket. Before bribing, thing about what your kid really wants, and read:

+ Reward Coupons
+ Five Ways to Use TV for Good
+ Your Child's Best Reward? You!

School is a huge behavioral challenge for children with special needs, and parents may feel they have little control over how discipline is handled in that setting. But if your child has an IEP, you can influence the way that behavior gets managed; and if not, there are strategies that can help you be part of the solution. Read:

+ What Is a Behavior Intervention Plan?
+ Write Your Own Behavior Plan
+ Five Ways to Stop School Behavior Problems

Transitions may seem like logical passages from one activity to another for you, but for your child, they may feel like cruel surprises. Kids who struggle with attention or language or motor planning can't always understand when a change is coming or make it quickly when it does. To avoid behavior meltdowns at transitional times, give your child lots of warning, time and understanding for making the switch. Read:

+ How to Make a Transition
+ Counting to 10
+ Streamline Your Morning Routine