By Nora J. Baladerian, PhD, CST, with Johnny Nunez; 70 pages. Subtitle: Social and Legal Guidelines for Those Who Have Never Been Told
"The talk" is a daunting prospect for any parent, and one you may feel you can duck if your child has developmental disabilities. But a frank talk is essential to making sure your child stays safe from abuse, disease, and legal trouble. This book offers a good start on that conversation.
- Uses simple language in easy-to-follow ways
- Focuses on legal rights and limitations
- Helps parents understand why these issues need to be talked about
- Short enough to read through quickly before reading with your child
- Provides a good template for parents to use when talking about a potentially awkward topic
- Forthrightness on some issues may go against some families' beliefs
- Parents get a lot of blame for not sharing information in the way the author feels is appropriate
- Advice coincides with California law, but you'll need to research your own state's requirements
- Chapter 1: Information about having sex ... basic do's and don'ts
- Chapter 2: What are the possible outcomes of having sex?
- Chapter 3: What about sex and me? What can I do?
- Chapter 4: Sex and others: Looking, touching, when is it right or wrong?
- Chapter 5: Are there things I cannot say?
Chapter 6: Privacy issues and sexual rights - Chapter 7: Are there certain places you can and cannot do sexual things?
Chapter 8: What about gay sexuality? - Chapter 9: What are other kinds of sexuality
Chapter 10: A way to know if what I want to do sexually is OK or not - Chapter 11: A way to know the right time, place and person to have sex with
Chapter 12: What is sexual abuse? - Chapter 13: Laws about sexual behavior
Chapter 14: Learning some words about sexual acts - Ending message
Illustration of sexual body parts
Glossary
Resources
Sex is a difficult subject to talk about, both between parent and child, and between adults who want what's best for that child. Adults' attitudes and beliefs about sex will unavoidably color the message they want to pass on, and tolerance of other opinions can be hard to come by. That makes a book like The Rules of Sex a hot potato, at least for the parent portion of its audience. Author Nora Baladerian is a Certified Sex Therapist and Sex Educator, and she has a very strong point of view as to what young people need to know about sex. She's also worked with a lot of kids who got their first information about sex courtesy of an arrest for inappropriate conduct, and she has a very strong point of view about the parents who let that happen. If you have strong points of view that differ from hers, you may be tempted to throw this book down after reading one or two things you disagree with.
Don't do that. The Rules of Sex argues persuasively that young people who are never told about sex are at risk of being abused and being abusers, and of behaving inappropriately in ways that can get them arrested. Ask yourself, How will my child respond to an abuser if he has no idea what's right or wrong, legal or illegal, or even what constitutes a sexual encounter? Does my child understand why it's not okay to pull down his pants in public, or pull up her shirt? Does my child know where it's okay to touch and be touched, and if not, could that get him into trouble? If for nothing else, use this book as a guideline for addressing these issues with your teen or adult child.
Then look at the parts of the book you disagree with, and develop something of your own using the same sort of simple language. The most important thing you can accomplish may be letting your child know that you're not afraid to talk about this subject. Are you?
