by Terrell Harris Dougan; 207 pages. Subtitle: Adventures in Caring for My Sister
With good humor and heart, Dougan tells the story of her sister, Irene, who has an intellectual disability, and of her family's lifelong effort to help Irene find a place in the world. Through home care and far-off schools, group homes and self-administered programs, the author advocates for Irene's proper placement and treatment, and for a more inclusive life for others like her. It's an inspiring and amusing story, with some food for thought about what our children need.
- Dougan worked for years as a humor columnist, and it shows.
- Provides some good lessons on respecting the individuality of people with special needs.
- Looks at various types of living situations for adults with intellectual disabilities.
- May help you put your family life in perspective, and laugh about it a little.
- If you're looking for some fun reading with a little useful content mixed in, you'll enjoy this.
- May make you feel guilty about what you're saddling your child's siblings with.
- If you're really struggling with a similar situation, the lighthearted tone may seem inappropriate.
- Dougan gets accused a lot of co-dependency, and some readers may agree with that.
- 1. Lightning Strikes Twice
2. I Try to Confess - 3. We Find Out the Truth
4. Childhood's End - 5. College and Onward
6. Tilting at Windmills - 7. The Spies Who Loved Community
8. Eviction Is Such an Ugly Word - 9. Shall We Begin -- Again
10. Travels With Mom - 11. Losses and Tantrums (Mine)
12. Trying to Get a Life - 13. Family Struggling Please Help
14. Adventures in Community Life - 15. Confessions of a Codependent
16. Bowling With Irene - 17. Travels With Irene
18. Friends, Labels, and the Future - 19. Letter to Irene
20. With a Big Surprise Ending
Early in That Went Well, author Terrell Harris Dougan tells this story:
A man goes to get a taxicab, and he sees this poor heavy woman struggling in the door of the cab. She is so obese that she is stuck, with her back out the door. He puts his hand on her back to help her, and with all his strength he finally succeeds in getting her into the cab, whereupon she turns around, reaches out the window, and hits him with her purse.And how it is with this amiable memoir about growing up and growing older with a sister with an intellectual disability. The best-made plans go awry, the careful planning of parents and professionals is overturned, and Dougan's sister, Irene, remains steadfastly intent on doing things her own way.
"But madam," he says, "I was trying to help you get in!"
"In!" she yells. "I was trying to get out!"
And this is how it was with advocacy for mentally handicapped kids.
Much of the book is made up of humorous stories about family happenings and mishaps, but there's interesting material throughout for parents about advocacy and finding a place in the community for adults with special needs. And, certainly, for respecting the individuality of those family members, and getting a kick out of them if you possibly can. If you're looking for a fun read that's got just enough serious special-needs content to give you an excuse to read it, you'll enjoy this one. It may help you put your family into perspective a little, too.
