Edited by Don Meyer; 234 pages. Subtitle: Essays by Adult Siblings of People With Disabilities
Perfect for reading on a parent's schedule -- that is, in small bursts of waiting-room time and post-bedtime peace -- these essays look at the sibling experience from an adult perspective, with stories both inspirational and cautionary. Like me, you may feel sorry for all the parental second-guessing going on, but the chance to take a look ahead into your family's future is worth a little rueful looking back.
- Parents need to know how siblings feel about special needs, now and as adults
- The book's structure makes it easy to dip into and read when you have time
- Though some of these stories are sad, most of the authors are enriched by their sibling experience
- Offers some fairly rich depictions of adulthood for people with disabilities
- May lead you to some useful thinking about how you're handling your family situation
- May lead you to feel guilty about mistakes you've already made
- It's always easier for kids to judge parents' decisions than for parents to make them
- Could have used a resource list or other appendix material at the end
- More photos like the ones on the cover would have added a nice personal touch
- Intended for siblings more than parents, which is fine -- sibs need the support
- 1. Asked and Answered
2. It All Changes and Stays the Same
3. Katie
4. Driving Forward - 5. I Am Not My Brother's Keeper
6. What Was I Thinking!!
7. Happily Ever After?
8. The Mess We're In - 9. Don't Apologize for Being a Brother
10. Aunty Danni
11. Breathe In, Relax
12. A Letter to My Brother - 13. Why I'm an "Uninvolved Sibling"
14. Out of Sight, Out of Mind?
15. The Chasm
16. Still Learning to Take Care of Myself - 17. Walkout
18. The 39 Steps of Visiting Jon
19. Willingness to Change
20. The Call - 21. Happy Ending, Complicated Beginning
22. A Break for Freedom
23. Riding to the Fountain With My Sister - 24. A Mom on Many Levels
25. Kep
26. Surprises
27. Sister Struggles
28. Who Sings the Shower Song? - 29. My Sister, My Daughter
30. Getting From Then to Now
31. Finding Molly
32. A Family Affair - 33. Life With Jay: Interrupted Family Journey
34. The Hidden Brother
35. Transition
36. Growing Up and Growing With Harold - 37.Easier? No
38. 40 Years Is a Long Time to Wait
39. Saying Goodbye to Jack
About the Sibling Support Project
There's more of an effort lately to honor the experiences of siblings of children with special needs, both through programs like Sibshops for children and teens, and books like Thicker Than Water offering adult reflections. Edited by Sibshops creator Don Meyer, this collection of essays provides a spectrum of opinions, from siblings of a variety of ages and circumstances. Some celebrate their sibling bond, others have mixed feelings, and some tell horror stories of neglect and abuse.
These are good voices for parents to hear, and to take into consideration as they deal with the many challenges of parenting children with and without disabilities. If you've ever just assumed that your typical children are absolutely unaffected by your treatment of their special sibling, there's some eye-opening material here. At the same time, I was left wishing, in essay after essay, for the parents' perspective. It's the same feeling I had reading Reflections From a Different Journey which similarly allowed adults -- in that case, those with special needs -- to comment on their upbringing. It's so easy to second-guess the decisions made by moms and dads, and to feel compassion for adult children who can trace problems to their sources. But parents in these situations are often asked to make impossible decisions, in a hurry, without benefit of adequate information or hindsight. I can't help but feel compassion for them, too.
One thing I did particularly enjoy about these essays, though, is the portraits they provide of people with disabilities in adulthood, living their lives with various degrees of support and grace, and enjoying continuing family relationships on into retirement age. Peeking into the future may be more useful in the end than poking into the past.
