By Paul T. Mason, MS, and Randi Kreger; 258 pages. Subtitle: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Life with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder is not so much a roller coaster as one of those rides that lifts you up, up, up to panoramic heights, and then hurtles you headlong to the ground. Stop Walking on Eggshells isn't written specifically for parents, although they are included in some of the examples. But it does give a great overview of why people with BPD feel what they feel and do what they do, to themselves and others.
- A good introduction to Borderline Personality Disorder
- Written with input from people with BPD and their families
- Will reassure those living with people with BPD that they're not alone
- Offers strategies for maintaining your own safety and mental health
- Mentions lots of online resources that will be helpful beyond the scope of the book
- Not specifically written for parents, so some of the information may not apply
- Paints a pretty scary picture of life with a BPD loved one
- Solutions and dialogs seem a little too easy to be true
- Introduction: Intimate Strangers: How This Book Came to Be
Part 1: Understanding BPD Behavior - 1. Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone You Care About Have BPD?
2. The Inner World of the Borderline: Defining BPD - 3. Making Sense Out of Chaos: Understanding BPD Behavior
4. Living in a Pressure Cooker: How BPD Behavior Affects Non-BPs - Part 2: Taking Back Control of Your Life
5. Making Changes Within Yourself - 6. Understanding Your Situation: Setting Boundaries, Developing Skills
7. Asserting Your Needs With Confidence and Clarity - 8. Developing a Safety Plan
9. Protecting Children from BPD Behavior - Part 3: Resolving Special Issues
10. Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop: Your Borderline Child - 11. Lies, Rumors and Accusations: Distortion Campaigns
12. What Now? Making Decisions About the Relationship - Appendices
A. Causes and Treatment of BPD
B. Tips for Non-BPs Who Have BP - C. Coping Strategies for Clinicians
D. Resources
Stop Walking on Eggshells is a book that couldn't have existed before the Internet became a constant, supportive presence in the homes of ordinary mortals. Co-author Kreger tells in her introduction how her research into Borderline Personality Disorder stalled when she was relying only on professionals, but blossomed once she discovered online support groups through the magic of AOL.
Thanks to that access to people with Borderline Personality Disorder (called "BPDs" in the book), the text offers a great deal of sensitivity to and understanding of the often outrageous and hurtful behavior they display. It also includes first-hand accounts from BPDs' loved ones (called "non-BPs" in the book) on how hurtful, baffling and destructive that behavior can be.
Maybe those accounts of turmoil and emotional devestation are a little too vivid, because they make the solutions mentioned seem kind of tame in comparison. The secret seems to lie in detaching oneself from the drama while still exhibiting compassion and understanding for the individual creating it, and it sounds good on paper. But there is so much hopelessness in the early chapters that describe the disorder that it's kind of hard to grab onto the hope rope flung out later.
Of course, if your child has BPD, you have no choice but to try. While Stop Walking on Eggshells isn't specifically written for parents, some of the first-person accounts and stories do come from moms and dads, and there's a chapter that deals with the particular issues of parenting BPD kids, including effects on siblings and the need to take care of yourself. Mostly, the book will give you a deeper understanding of the reasons for your child's out-of-control emotions; the welcome knowledge that you are not alone; and some great online resources for finding help and fellowship.
