So getting a diagnosis is the first step to helping your child with special needs -- what's the next one? Often, your direction will be determined by your child's particular disability, but here are some follow-ups that are common to most families.
Consider getting a second opinion. If you have any doubts about the diagnosis or about the doctor who gave it to you, seek out a second opinion. Some disabilities are diagnosed on the basis of tests that are definitive, but others rely on a large degree of interpretation and professional judgment. Different doctors can make those interpretations differently. The gut instinct of a parent who lives with a child day in and day out is often at least as accurate as the opinion of a doctor who sees the child for a short period of time in an examining room. It's important to accept reality and not endlessly defer the help your child needs, but it's also important to get a diagnosis that feels right to you, the expert on your child.
Let yourself mourn. Once you've accepted a diagnosis, it's natural to go through a period of mourning for the "perfect" child you've dreamt of and the life that your child and your family will not have. This doesn't mean you've given up or don't think your child will have a valuable and fulfilling life. It just means you have to close one chapter before you can start the next one. Recognize, too, that family members, even extended family members, may be going through a similar period of grieving, and respect that the reactions you encounter during this time may not be true to the help and support you will receive from them in the future.
Read everything you can find. If there are books on your child's disability, find them and read them. Become an expert not only on your child but on your child's condition. Ask the doctor to recommend some good books on the subject. Comb the Special Needs shelves of bookstores and libraries. Search the virtual shelves of online booksellers. Consult the Harried Parent's Book Club on this site for ideas and reviews. You may not find any single book that truly explains or encapsulates your child, but over a number of different sources you may be able to gather useful tips and information that will help you assemble your own picture. In addition to making you better informed, reading can help you feel like you're doing something even if you're not emotionally ready to do much else.
Share with family and friends. You may fear the judgments and reactions of others when you tell them the news of your child's special needs, and indeed you may not get the response you hope for from everyone you love. But support from a close circle of family and friends is one of the most important resources parents of children with special needs can have, and people can't support you if you don't give them a chance. There may be surprises, as you find friends and relatives you thought you could count on slipping away and others you never expected much from stepping up and pitching in. Not everyone is equipped to be a special friend to an exceptional child. But the ones who are, are worth their weight in gold.
Find a support group. Friends and family can help in many essential ways, but they may never be able to understand what parenting your child is really like. That's where support groups come in. You may be able to find a live support group in your area through organizations dedicated to your child's particular disability; through parent-to-parent programs; or through your early intervention service provider. Or you may prefer to start with an e-mail group that you can access at your convenience and with a greater degree of anonymity. Message boards like the one on this About.com site can also be a great place to link up with parents who can sympathize directly with your experience and provide support and advice.
Start lining up services. If your child will be needing early intervention or special education services, don't wait to make the first phone calls to set that in motion. It can take months to get the first appointments and evaluations scheduled and completed, and you won't want to add more time to that by dragging your feet. Contact your state's early intervention office or your school district as soon as those services are recommended, and start gathering the reports and information you're going to need once the process begins. You're on the special needs roller coaster now for sure. Fasten your seatbelt and hang on tight.
Go the next page for suggestions for specific diagnoses.
