And now, the star of the team, the number-one MVP.
You.
Yeah, you, the parent. You are the most important member of your child's IEP team, far and away. Don't let those suits convince you differently. You are the expert on your child, and your child is the reason all those people are sitting there. You are the only one to have seen your child in multiple settings, in multiple school years, in multiple moods. You are the only one who has talked to the doctors and the specialists. You are the only one who has traced your child's development from early days until right now. And you are the only one who will still be involved in your child's care years from now, when the decisions made at this table will bear fruit.
So if you're such a big kahuna, why do the professionals gathered treat you like some nobody called in to sign papers and keep silent? There can be any number of reasons. Maybe they genuinely believe they know best, and want your child and yourself to have the advantage of their expertise. Maybe they've dealt with many emotional and underinformed parents who have made them fearful of unbridled parental participation. Maybe they have marching orders from upstairs, and need to get things passed their way or else. Or maybe, just maybe, you let them. Since that last one is the only thing you really have control over, consider these three questions:
Do you dress the part? If you're showing up at meetings in jeans, a T-shirt and sneakers while everybody else is in business suits and shiny shoes, you're sure giving off a "just here to sign, ma'am" vibe. You don't have to drop a month's salary at Brooks Brothers or anything, but grown-up attire wouldn't hurt.
Do you make a professional presentation? Whatever you expect of the school personnel at that table, expect the same from yourself. If you expect them to document their observations and recommendations, document yours. If you expect them to report from records rather than memory, bring records of your own. If you expect them to deal in specifics and facts rather than platitudes and preconceptions, watch what you say, too.
Do you do anything but go to meetings and sign papers? Think about how infuriating it is when some district upper-up who has never met your child drops in on a meeting and, on the basis of a light scan of your child's file, starts setting policy and goals and expectations. Then think about what teachers and administrators must feel about parents who make no contact at all during the school year, then descend in a meeting to throw questions and judgments and orders around? Keeping up a constant dialog throughout the school year will not head off all problems, but it will squash the stupid little ones that get going due to lack of communication and connection.
Leadership Anxiety
And sometimes, it just comes down to this: Are you really just afraid to step up?
If you are, don't feel bad. It is hard. It is HARD. There is something so comforting in believing that school officials know what they're doing and have your child's best interests at heart, and those professionals will put all of their considerable skills into convincing you of that.
Busting out of that comfort zone means years and years of monitoring and researching and arguing and advocating and educating yourself and everybody else. It means people not liking you very much, much of the time. It means attending meetings that leave you shaking and hyperventilating and sobbing and so angry you could spit. It's not fun, and the worst part is that little voice in the back of your head whispering, "But what if they are right and you are wrong?"
But really, honestly, between us? You have to step up anyway. You have to speak for your child. The kids who are not spoken for do not benefit. Not fun, this parenting stuff. Vital, though.
The bottom line is, if you want to be a member of the team, then act like a member of the team. If you want to be accepted as the MVP you are, then be valuable. Get in the game. Your child will come out a winner.
