Instead of Punishment
If your child does lose his temper or self-control, punishment is likely to lower his self-concept even further. The child feels bad enough about losing control; punishment will make him also feel guilty and embarrassed. Instead of punishment, the child needs something that will help him to regain his composure. A quiet place, such as his own room, away from the stress will help more than anything else. When the child becomes disorganized, remember that this is related to how his brain is processing information and don't think punishment. Instead, think of controlling the sensory input from the environment to help to organize that brain.
First, reduce the sensory overload, and second, provide sensations that are organizing. A furry toy, a favorite blanket, or a familiar pillow may provide the types of sensations the child needs. Hugging or holding the child is even better for some children. Rocking in a rocking chair may help. For the younger child, a tepid bath may be soothing. Slow rubbing down the middle of the back increases the organization of the brain; do not rub up the back, for this moves the hairs on the skin opposite to their direction of growth and may produce defensive reactions. Outdoor activities will provide proprioceptive input that may calm the child's nervous system -- especially if the weather is cool, since cool air helps to modulate the impulse flow from the skin and often reduces hyperactivity.
Discipline
This does not mean that you should not discipline your child. Every child needs discipline at some time. Rewarding good behavior and taking away privileges (such as watching television) for inappropriate behavior is a basic principle of discipline. Don't get into a debate with your child over discipline; simply tell him what you are doing and why you are doing it. Once you make a decision that your child can or can't do something, stick with it -- so think twice before you say "no." To be effective, discipline must help to organize the child's brain, rather than disorganize it. Therefore you must be consistent, aware of what you are doing, and sensitive to the effect you are having on your child's nervous system.
Expectations
Parents sometimes affect their child's self-concept by having expectations that are too high for him to fulfill. Because we cannot see a sensory integrative dysfunction, it is easy to forget that the child has a handicap and cannot do as well as other children. Make sure that your expectations for your child are within the capacities of his particular nervous system.
If a person is blind we do not expect him to see, nor do we criticize him for not seeing. However, if a child can see, we expect him to avoid bumping into things. Unfortunately, although the child with a disorder in space and form perception can see, he cannot get the proper information from what he sees. Therefore he sees a chair, but bumps into it anyway. Since he doesn't always bump into things, and can avoid them by paying very close attention, people think that he deserves criticism when he does bump. A more considerate approach would be to remind the child that he needs to look very carefully at where he is going. If he does bump into something, a casual "oops" may be enough. He hardly needs to be told that he shouldn't bump into things; he already knows that. "It's hard to avoid bumping, isn't it?" would tell the child that you know what he is experiencing and are "on his side." The same understanding and support is needed when the dyspraxic child breaks his toys ("Yes, sometimes it's hard to know how to play with things") ; when the gravitationally insecure child refuses to play with other children ("You want to play that game, but it's kind of scary") ; or the tactilely defensive child gets mad at you when you are touching him ("I know that this doesn't feel very good").
Accentuating the Positive
You can promote your child's self-concept by noticing and commenting upon the positive things that he does. This reinforces the good behavior and increases the likelihood that the child will repeat that behavior. Even if it's just a little thing, your child may feel a lot better if you praise him for it. Accentuating the positive and ignoring the negative is a good general rule. Even the child with a severe behavior problem does some good things. Make a point of telling him that you approve of these things. This will help him realize that he can behave well.
The child with a sensory integrative problem who is accepted and supported by his parents is the one who can make a go of it in life. Another child with a similar problem of the same severity, whose parents do not recognize the problem and who criticize the child because of the symptoms, is the one who will, at best, struggle through life.
[Material from SENSORY INTEGRATION AND THE CHILD: Understanding Hidden Sensory Challenges, copyright © 2005 by Western Psychological Services. Excerpt reprinted by permission of the publisher, Western Psychological Services, 12031 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, California, 90025, U.S.A. (www.wpspublish.com). Not to be reprinted in whole or in part for any additional purpose without the expressed, written permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.]
