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Readers Respond: What's the Worst Thing a "Loved One" Has Said About Your Child or Parenting?

Responses: 91

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From the article: Dealing with Toxic People
He said what? What did she mean by that? Sometimes when you need support from your family and friends the most, that's when their most toxic behavior comes out. Share your tale of rude, cruel, tactless, or clueless outbursts here, and read what others have gone through, too. And they think our kids have problems! Share Your Shock

Family Members

I've had a few people say horrible things about my low-functioning Autistic nonverbal son. He bangs his head when he becomes frustrated and his two cousins were laughing at him when he was having a meltdown. My partner told them not to laugh, but one of them still carried on and said, 'Iit's funny when (insert my childs name here) bangs his head!!" My partner pulled his brother (the kid's parent) and told them what happened and can you just educate your kids about our son's Autism, after all, they are cousins, they are family!! Partner's brother shrugged it off and basically passed it off as we were being (pathetic). Then my son's Nanna agreed with someone else that my son is a retard, she said "Well he is.'' My jaw dropped!! She also calls him misfit a lot, which I find very inappropriate!! My son has a thing for biting, it's a sensory thing, he does it even when he is happy. He bit his uncle and he turned around and called him ''a little bastard.'' He has called my son a bastard twice now.
—Guest Kelly

My mom is toxic

My mom has always been a verbally abusive witch. She doesn't abuse me anymore and she knows she'd be in terrible trouble if she said abusive things to my children. She now says cruel, abusive things to/ about other people's children. At my daughters 1st birthday she came up to me laughing at a little boy who happened to be adopted from China (she happens to be a racist too!). This little boy has a scar on his face because he had a cleft lip repair after moving to the US. My mom laughed at him as she asked, in front of several party guests, " is that Chinese kid a retard-harelip. Or is he just a harelip"? My mom is an evil toxic woman. After chewing her ass off in front if everyone she had the nerve to say she didn't know that 'retard and harelip' were derogatory words. After putting up with this crap (years and years of abuse and gaslighting me when I try to discuss it) for so many years, I have cut her out of my life for good.
—Guest Tricia D

If life is a bowl of cherries...

I was diagnosed with bipolar and aspergers last year. I no longer speak to any of my brothers, let alone my cousins, due to the poor dynamics and dysfunction within the family. It seems that, no matter the problem, I was always the scapegoat. To quote Benjamin Franklin Pierce, from an episode of M*A*S*H, "Loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be."
—Guest Meistersinger

Trust Issues

We have 16 year-old twin boys. One is physicaly healthy with mild OCD, the other has severe mental and phsyical disabilities. We used to trust family members to watch our kids but slowly eliminated people based on slipped information (my wife and I used to do 'Date Night' a couple times a month but haven't been able to in years). First elimination was my in-laws. We came home one time and my FIL mentioned my disabled son fell on his face -- then said in wonder, "He won't catch himself when falling." My son couldn't stand on his own at the time, but this stubborn ass thought he knew better and would teach him (son was 3 at the time). My SIL was next to be cut after she slipped by telling us she let our disabled son "scream and cry" while she played games with our other son. She felt he was being a brat. There's more on both sides of the family but those were our two most 'trusted' sources we had to eliminate.
—Guest Getting Tired

Husband Comments

My husband, who is my son's step-father, always told me that I don't have a parenting style because I don't do any parenting. He was raised very sheltered and because I allowed my son to have choices, I wasn't parenting him. Actually, I was teaching him independence. My son, I think, is ADD (no diagnosis) but I am fairly sure that explains his difficulty focusing and completing school work. My husband was so rigid about the extra help I gave my son when it came to school assignments. I tried to help my son break down the tasks into mini-tasks so he wasn't so overwhelmed. My husband used to bash me for helping. I guess the reason is that he never got any help as a child. He couldn't understand why I was helping him so much. I just wished he would let me parent my own son.
—Guest Step-Dad Comments

School for Retarded Kids?

I know that sometimes I am overly sensitive, but when someone who was a very close friend to our family asked what daycare my son went to and my answer was "So-and-So School", I about passed out when he said, "I thought that was a school for retarded kids. I didn't know your kid's retarded AND autistic." Maybe he just didn't know he was being clueless AND disrespectful. ;)
—Guest Md

Why Did You Bring Her?

I attended a visitation at a funeral home with my special needs daughter when my uncle passed away. It was either take her with me or not go at all because my husband was traveling. I chose to tackle a 2-hour road trip (4 hours total) to pay my respects. My Mom said, "Why did you bring HER? (Insert my daughter's name). Smartly, I replied, "Because locking her in her room while I left for 5 hours seemed so wrong." LOL!! Gee, why don't these people get it?
—Guest Great Mom

FriscoMama

My special needs daughter was acting up a bit at the family dinner table. My Mom asked, "Can you just drug her?" Really Mom?? Really?? Yeah, that's now Chapter 1 in my book.
—Guest FriscoMama

Worst thing

She will never amount to anything. she is dumb, stank, and stupid. No one likes her and she should be shoved back into my crotch and started over.She takes fourteen pills a day maybe if it is doubled she might end up someone we can tolerate.
—Briasmommy

In Laws

Several years ago, right before my two children were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, my in-laws came to visit. My youngest son about 18 months old and has always had difficulty controlling his emotions. Being off schedule causes outbursts. When my in-laws were here, they kept us on the go (and off schedule) their entire trip. They would bundle us up in the car for 10 hours at a time to go sight seeing. Obviously, my children - especially my youngest - would get cranky. Well, my in-laws felt that this behavior was unacceptable and that we needed to spank the baby for acting up. They even compared him to another child they knew who was always "perfectly" behaved, like my child was somehow defective or I was a bad parent. My blood boils every time I think of this directive to beat my child for misbehaving after his thoughtless grandparents threw a monkey-wrench into his schedule. I love my clueless in-laws, but I make sure they spend very little time with my children.
—Guest SDZ

there are soo many...

I heard comments from my SIL like"he's not potty trained yet...he's three!" and from some guy I didn't even know I met at Thanksgiving "I wish he'd quit screaming". and the comments form my sister and her boyfriend and his family "he's just spoiled" oh and then yesterday my husbands cousins wife said "bust his a$$" and I say "I wish Ray would listen" ppl often say "my kid does because he/she knows she'll get in trouble" I am soo sick of hearing ppl tell me to spank my 4 year old deveopmentally delayed child. Emotionally he is 10 mo. Mentally he is 2, life skill wise 19 mo., academically 2. AS stated on his IEP! SO I stay away from most ppl now cause all anyone wants to do is BLAME me!
—Guest Sarah

My parenting

I was shocked my mother put me down said I yell too much and I don't teach my children enough how to take care of there toys which is all untrue the rest of the family totally disagree. Then when I told the idiot of s mother in law whom has a mental illness and can barely take care of herself well if u can do a better job and she reckons she could do it with one hand behind her back I just had to laugh which I was only joking but to think that she could handle 4 boys sad really because we used to be friends she's such a selfish person
—Guest Jacinta

Retard

My very opinionated m-i-l brought her new boyfriend over for introductions. Seemed like an amiable guy until he referred to my son with Down syndrome as retarded. End of discussion.
—Guest Edna

It's time to go

We were at a birthday party and my son panics when he hears the happy birthday song. My ex's cousin said we should just leave he's not enjoying it and he's ruining it for everybody else.
—Guest Bklyn mom

Toxic Things Said By Family...part 2..

I have some follow up to the original post that you all will appreciate. The original family member that stated, "just send your son to me for a month and I will fix him all up", has a child whose behavior mimics ADHD/ADD and is struggling in school. Her husband was telling me he was looking online for "extra classes" to help since his son can't focus or sit still during class time (hint!!) I politely said, "I understand how worrisome these things can be. I have a few programs and books to share that worked well when my son was that age." Response: "Oh, my son just needs reading support, not that stuff!" OK, now here's the kicker...."There isn't anything wrong like that with my son!" What is wrong with people? Put your ego and stupidity aside and find out how to really help your child. The label doesn't matter, testing is only a stepping stone to get help for your them. Mantra to self when faced with these people: "You can't fix stupid, OR selfishness"...& done with a smile!
—Guest Momonamission

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What's the Worst Thing a "Loved One" Has Said About Your Child or Parenting?

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