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Readers Respond: What's the Worst Thing a "Loved One" Has Said About Your Child or Parenting?

Responses: 86

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From the article: Dealing with Toxic People
He said what? What did she mean by that? Sometimes when you need support from your family and friends the most, that's when their most toxic behavior comes out. Share your tale of rude, cruel, tactless, or clueless outbursts here, and read what others have gone through, too. And they think our kids have problems!

School for Retarded Kids?

I know that sometimes I am overly sensitive, but when someone who was a very close friend to our family asked what daycare my son went to and my answer was "So-and-So School", I about passed out when he said, "I thought that was a school for retarded kids. I didn't know your kid's retarded AND autistic." Maybe he just didn't know he was being clueless AND disrespectful. ;)
—Guest Md

Why Did You Bring Her?

I attended a visitation at a funeral home with my special needs daughter when my uncle passed away. It was either take her with me or not go at all because my husband was traveling. I chose to tackle a 2-hour road trip (4 hours total) to pay my respects. My Mom said, "Why did you bring HER? (Insert my daughter's name). Smartly, I replied, "Because locking her in her room while I left for 5 hours seemed so wrong." LOL!! Gee, why don't these people get it?
—Guest Great Mom

FriscoMama

My special needs daughter was acting up a bit at the family dinner table. My Mom asked, "Can you just drug her?" Really Mom?? Really?? Yeah, that's now Chapter 1 in my book.
—Guest FriscoMama

Worst thing

She will never amount to anything. she is dumb, stank, and stupid. No one likes her and she should be shoved back into my crotch and started over.She takes fourteen pills a day maybe if it is doubled she might end up someone we can tolerate.
—Briasmommy

In Laws

Several years ago, right before my two children were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, my in-laws came to visit. My youngest son about 18 months old and has always had difficulty controlling his emotions. Being off schedule causes outbursts. When my in-laws were here, they kept us on the go (and off schedule) their entire trip. They would bundle us up in the car for 10 hours at a time to go sight seeing. Obviously, my children - especially my youngest - would get cranky. Well, my in-laws felt that this behavior was unacceptable and that we needed to spank the baby for acting up. They even compared him to another child they knew who was always "perfectly" behaved, like my child was somehow defective or I was a bad parent. My blood boils every time I think of this directive to beat my child for misbehaving after his thoughtless grandparents threw a monkey-wrench into his schedule. I love my clueless in-laws, but I make sure they spend very little time with my children.
—Guest SDZ

there are soo many...

I heard comments from my SIL like"he's not potty trained yet...he's three!" and from some guy I didn't even know I met at Thanksgiving "I wish he'd quit screaming". and the comments form my sister and her boyfriend and his family "he's just spoiled" oh and then yesterday my husbands cousins wife said "bust his a$$" and I say "I wish Ray would listen" ppl often say "my kid does because he/she knows she'll get in trouble" I am soo sick of hearing ppl tell me to spank my 4 year old deveopmentally delayed child. Emotionally he is 10 mo. Mentally he is 2, life skill wise 19 mo., academically 2. AS stated on his IEP! SO I stay away from most ppl now cause all anyone wants to do is BLAME me!
—Guest Sarah

My parenting

I was shocked my mother put me down said I yell too much and I don't teach my children enough how to take care of there toys which is all untrue the rest of the family totally disagree. Then when I told the idiot of s mother in law whom has a mental illness and can barely take care of herself well if u can do a better job and she reckons she could do it with one hand behind her back I just had to laugh which I was only joking but to think that she could handle 4 boys sad really because we used to be friends she's such a selfish person
—Guest Jacinta

Retard

My very opinionated m-i-l brought her new boyfriend over for introductions. Seemed like an amiable guy until he referred to my son with Down syndrome as retarded. End of discussion.
—Guest Edna

It's time to go

We were at a birthday party and my son panics when he hears the happy birthday song. My ex's cousin said we should just leave he's not enjoying it and he's ruining it for everybody else.
—Guest Bklyn mom

Toxic Things Said By Family...part 2..

I have some follow up to the original post that you all will appreciate. The original family member that stated, "just send your son to me for a month and I will fix him all up", has a child whose behavior mimics ADHD/ADD and is struggling in school. Her husband was telling me he was looking online for "extra classes" to help since his son can't focus or sit still during class time (hint!!) I politely said, "I understand how worrisome these things can be. I have a few programs and books to share that worked well when my son was that age." Response: "Oh, my son just needs reading support, not that stuff!" OK, now here's the kicker...."There isn't anything wrong like that with my son!" What is wrong with people? Put your ego and stupidity aside and find out how to really help your child. The label doesn't matter, testing is only a stepping stone to get help for your them. Mantra to self when faced with these people: "You can't fix stupid, OR selfishness"...& done with a smile!
—Guest Momonamission

Mrs. Fix-It

I recently had someone tell me that if I would let them, they would come over and "fix" my family. I almost accepted out of curiosity to see how someone would even begin to "fix" unilateral hearing loss, or down syndrome.
—Guest BigMamaL.O.

Idiots are Everywhere

I too have had remarks made by idiots about my special needs daughter. The most upsetting one was made by her own father (the biggest idiot of all ex-husband) when she was a baby, that I needn't worry about her as she would go and live in an institution. Not once but TWICE he had the nerve to say this out loud and luckily for him, I allowed him to live. I have had all sorts of puzzling things said to me about my child that were similar in tone. In 18 years since my daughter was born, I have never known a better human being. And that's a fact. And in that time I have learned that there are many so-called "normal" people who are the most disabled of them all. Be grateful to those who make these comments. It helps you to find out whether they are your true friends who care about you and your family. Then avoid them like the plague and in your spare time, think of good comeback lines so you shut the idiots up for good. Be tough, be strong, and don't take no sh*t from nobody. Ever.
—Guest CheekyBeauty

Even the parent says awful things

So, I am the step mom. My husband used to say both of his kids belonged in an institution - Daughter has Reactive Attachment Disorder, Son is likely mild, mild Aspergers, depression and ADD. What they needed was love. Son's choice for Godfather, a man who offered his assistance as a mentor and tutor, told me "he couldn't follow simple instructions and keep up with me at National Cemetery; he was always lagging behind. I am through with him and never want anything to do with him again." What the heck? No worries...you won't have to worry about being part of our life. My mother, too, made choices - the no longer selected for Godfather task master over "my" children. Family dinners in the neighborhood? They don't happen anymore. And now, Daughter is in a mental health facility for poisoning me - and my biological child and I are the only ones who wants her home. What is WRONG with people?!?!?!?!?!? God, thanks for blessing me with these beautiful, God-fearing children!
—CrazyStepMom

Toxic Things Said By Family

A few years ago, just after my son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, at a family gathering in front of a lot of relatives, a close family member said "Oh, you just send him to me for a month and I will make him all better"! I was shocked and hurt but had to take the attitude that she had no idea what a day was like with the tantrums, speech issues, daily needs because all of her children were "perfect". Now my son is 14 and looks and acts like typical kids but has an aide in school part time. His social skills aren't at his peer's level yet but he is making friends and doing great! Years ago, my own parents could not understand that my son, who was 2 years old would not eat mashed potatoes due to the texture. Sorry to say, sometimes the best support comes from "outsiders" who have either been there or have an understanding of the challenges we experience every day. In our own family unit, we thank God every day for the little victories that far outweigh any challenges we have to face!
—Guest momonamission

advocate/Parent of three

I can honestly say after 14 years, my husband and I have finally mastered the insensitives,the know it alls and the"oh I Feel sorry for them" people! It was a painful journey, especially family who think they are supportive, but couldn't watch my son for an hour. He is quite verbal now, is sensitive and curious to the world around him. Just not interested to the same family conversations and organized sports. It is now refreshing to hold your head up and say "I am truly an exceptional parent" One of unconditional and selfless love! The worst thing someone said was I feel bad for you and your husband. I think our son with differences made us better human beings and we live for our family not what other people expect!
—Guest Gail heggie

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